DON'T GET EMOTIONAL

What is your feeling when you hear these word's "Don't get emotional' when you are in the midst of your grief watching a funeral video of a loved one? Even you said to him "I'm crying." Still he doesn't show any sympathy at all and not saying anything. This words stuck in my mind until now coming back again and what feeling means. Feeling sad, in a situation to remember a loved one, the memories left that's why you feel that way and then you need a hug to ease the pain and seek someone's sympathy at that moment on that situation. How come? Seemingly , he must be stone hearted when I know he is also grieving the death of his wife a few months ago. The only time I heard before her death that he is having a hard time facing the situation for her being sick. I gave him this assignment to put my video on a disc from the original videotape. Could it be that he accepted the assignment to express his grief watching a military funeral too? On my part I didn't even plan to make it into a documentary but what is the use if the videotape is plainly transferred into a disc? But his wife died, and I have sent a few lines and certain topics to describe the military service and the family and friends who attended the funeral and other descriptions on how a song was picked to be sang , that's when tears keep falling as I watched him putting together after two years the final copy of the video have been put on a disc. That's when I made a gesture to show my gratitude that even a hug would suffice but when I heard those words "don't get emotional" I stepped back and that's it. That feeling of grief was kept inside me and still there didn't let out until now. What if I got a hug what could have been my feeling? Have I cried on his shoulders what could have happened? Maybe women are more expressive about their feelings and man doesn't show at all. I don't know how deep emotions affect us. Why did he take the time to put my video together what does he feel about it" He didn't say any words at all not even to change a single word to the videotape that became a documentary film. I remember when he said after losing his wife to go and travel outwest and he could give up his assignment to finish the video until it was put on a disc." It would become more expensive ," he said I will wait even how long it will take " I said, thinking all the time that we've put in and the other person may not understand my point why I started to write the content of the video. Looked for a sound track to be used and a narrator instead of me. Yes the documentary film was completely finished that I even received a national citation unexpectedly and still no show of closeness but there was an off shoot of that achievement when there was a ,lady in our group feeling left behind waiting to be recognize and tested me asking for my help to put her work together feeling discriminated. I didn't know , she was thinking my documentary film , was copied elsewhere as she knew I was a laborer and she was a professional. Why she was loquacious and in comparison to my physical appearance it was impossible that I could be a filmmaker what she didn't know I'm working with the general manager and operations manager to be working first hand in the manufacturing sector and the most important part is to look after the quality of production time management and the performance of workers. What would I say if I worked with ordinary laborers with dignity and respect that I surpassed the supervisor in handling situations when infront of my face she asked his buddies to interfere with the quality and volume of production that I was making and then the operations manager closely watched what i was doing to have been ignored by many but I earned the company's confidence to become a model employee to be on Discovery Channel and the company's educational videos to be watched by students. When this lady professional asked for help to do her work with our organization president to put her work together like mine the organization president pointed me to help her, she must be reluctant to hire me as her editor as I'm only a laborer. Jealousy, feeling discriminated, of all her outrage why she is not recognized, I waited her to show me what I'm going to edit but instead inside her house which is in disarray asked me to fix it, her papers her clothes were not organized at all, and she began to present me to partner with her and put up an event to showcase her medical profession. She was caught up of being inexperienced when i showed her my credentials as a project organizer/

administrator that was successfully completed within one year under a national government grant. "Oh you're humble." she said. I wrapped up my work relationship with her after a month of going around the bush when she cannot show a single page or the table of contents of the book she wanted me to edit. I can;t imagine what will be her face to our organization president the next time we meet again. For me I would let it passed and let her explain herself to the president what has happened. Feelings of disappointment for herself maybe will envelope her and I will wait for that day till I meet her again. What is your feeling when a long time co-worker and disconnected for some reason and of all surprises she has called? Mixed feelings because of the past, but why she called caught me by surprise. Exchanging pleasantries she mentioned her friend and also my friend has died. A tinge of sadness pinch me and a brief retrospection came back to my mind after ending our conversation. We were all working at the same office under one boss. Time came for promotion and these two were contenders while I maybe one of them too. It is the choice of our boss whom she would pick between the two while both are qualified but one has a longer service but the one with shorter one was the choice of our new school principal It ignited a controversy of the whole school staff to form a group for her to leave. Who is the leader of the group campaigning her ouster was like using the lens of a microscope that even division personels who had come to investigate cannot pinpoint who maybe the leader having received many reports against the new principal. The investigation went back to the office of the District Supervisor and she started to call each one of the staff from our school and it was my time to be called. What was my emotion is to be afraid of the interrogation and I know I cannot make a story about the principal or anything she has done to cause her transfer but it came to my mind about my two co-workers at the office of the principal. It may have passed through my ears about the feeling of jealousy and overstep on her part to seek justice and sympathy of her plight to get some of our school staff on her side so I listed them and gave it to the District Supervisor for fear that I will get the punishment when she said that I was the leader of the group. Why I received her call now when I have caused her transfer to another school? Our friend at the office who was the choice of our new principal became a school superintendent who has died. Her last wish maybe was to reconcile with me with this friend who called and be proud that I had done something for the school and community to produce a school superintendent.