Quarantine Love Story

Makeup, hair, clothes. I felt like perfection. I changed my outfit three times, I was attempting to stay warm while still looking decent. I had a feeling I would meet someone tonight. I have those feelings a lot though, I never take them too seriously. My psychic abilities are mediocre at best. My inability to tell superstition from gut feeling makes me the designated freak among my friends. I laced my shoes, taking the utmost care to create even loops. I applied my favorite lip gloss and brushed back my hair. I felt pretty. I grabbed my dog and off we went on our daily walk. My favorite part of my day was always when I went exploring. The woods behind my house offered endless entertainment. I always ended up at my favorite spot, the deserted park. That's when I saw him. 

The handsome stranger. My beloved daily walk led me to him. I’d never seen him there before, yet there was some familiarity that drew me in. I walked to my spot, the tallest tree. He stared, I glared. It felt intrusive that he was sitting on my designated sunset watching bench. I could feel his negative energy from fifty feet away. He radiated anger, but even more so, sadness. His hood hid his face, but I could see the corners of a sad smile. I wanted to hug the miserable boy in the park. 

It had been three years since we had spoken, I knew he didn’t recognize me. Lovers to strangers, it all happened so quickly. My cliche obsession with the boy in my math class had overtaken my life. Every waking moment was spent debating how to start a conversation with him. He was so close, yet unachievable. He quickly forgot about me, I on the other hand, was unable to forget. 

I saw him every once in a while, that’s the benefit of living in a small town. Two years ago it was at a school event, the year after: a climate change rally. We never kept in touch, though there wasn’t much need to. I was nothing more than a tutor to him, the silent girl he cheated off of. Everytime he asked me for an answer, I thought it was him indirectly confessing his love. Everytime he slipped me a note, I held onto it as if it were a love letter. 

I think that’s why it hurt so much seeing him that first night, in many ways he was my first heartbreak. I went back at the same time the next day. I don't know why I expected him to be there, it seemed like an unspoken deal. He was there. He was smiling this time though. I wanted to talk to him, I needed to. Six feet apart at all times, I remembered. He would never know it was me, I couldn’t get close enough to tell him. I started walking towards him, but as soon as I worked up the courage he disappeared, dragging his barking dog behind him. A quarantine love story, a one sided one at best. I knew I could text him, that felt so insincere though, I wanted to do this in person. 

Day three of stalking the boy in the park failed, the snow did not allow me to escape to our secret hiding place. I sat and stared out my window, wondering if he had planned on going tonight. 

Day four was even more disappointing. There was no sign of him. I felt embarrassed, I dressed up in forty degree weather, to impress someone who never showed. I wondered if this was over, my short lived love story. I craved human connection. My awkward demeanor prevented me from having real relationships, I thought this might be the start of something new. I sat there, waiting for forty minutes, shivering in the cold. Every time I saw someone walking down the street, I prayed it was him. It never was. 

I still remember the first time we spoke. He had just transfered to my school, my teacher sat him next to me. We were taking a quiz that day, he had the audacity to pull out his phone and cheat. I remember being appalled, how could someone be so blatantly bad. After class I confronted him, I scolded him and told him he could’ve gotten caught. He laughed, it was captivating. We walked to our next class together, him laughing and me yelling. He thought my perfectionist mindset was funny, I found his careless attitude intriguing. That’s how it began. After that he sat next to me every class, eventually I began to do his homework for him. I knew he was using me, I liked it though. I enjoyed feeling wanted. 

I helped him cheat on his finals. The guilt ate at me for weeks, he never spoke to me again after that. My heart was crushed. 

I think that’s why I continued to go back to the park every night and wait. I needed closure, I craved it. I suffered through the wind, just hoping to get a glimpse of him. I continued to wait for a week. The disappointment eventually died down, I don’t know why I was so hopeful to begin with. Then one night, he showed up out of the blue. He sat down on the bench across from mine. Without saying a word, he pulled out his earbuds and put them in. He closed his eyes and laid down. I was confused on my role in all of this so I mimicked his movements. I could feel him staring at me, but when I finally looked over his eyes were closed. He looked peaceful. I wanted to ask him what he was listening to. 

Eventually he sat up, put his headphones in his pocket, and silently walked away. We continued this pattern for a few days, never saying a word. I really wanted to talk to him, I didn’t want to ruin what we had though. He disappeared again, without a trace. I eventually stopped going to the park, the disappointment was too overwhelming. It made me dizzy. 

Then out of the blue, I received a text: “Are you the girl who waits for me at the park?” 

After taking five minutes to steady my breathing, I replied: “Depends. Are you the boy I’ve been waiting for?”