Be Careful Who You Talk To

"I'm 61, and this is my first time flying," she told her row mates. Gladys didn't know about paying to select seats, but she's always been chatty and didn't mind sitting in the middle. Neither row mate responded. Aisle-seat man made a point to put in his earbuds, and the window-seat man closed the shade.

"Oh no, I was watching them load the luggage," Gladys said as she reached over the man to open his window. He planned to sleep but decided he'd just close the shade later when she wasn't paying attention to avoid confrontation.

"Excuse me, " she hollered at a passenger who was putting their carry-on in the overhead bin. "You there in the pink—I have the same suitcase! Did you get it from Ross? I paid $22.98 for mine, including tax." Pink Lady responded that her bag was a Louis Vuitton. It clearly wasn’t. 

“This is so exciting,” Gladys declared when the flight attendant started the safety speech. Again, no one responded. Gladys looked around and was disappointed that no one seemed to be paying attention. She felt that was rude as well as unsafe.

“Everyone, please pay attention to the steward! Don’t y’all have home training? You’re being rude!” she scolded.

“Omg,” stated the window-seat as he turned away from her to sleep and shut the window. Gladys didn’t like that and tried to open it again.

“I want to enjoy the view,” she explained as she opened it again.

Window-seat closed it again and held it down this time. Gladys raised her hand and then noticed the call button for the attendants.

“Ma’am,” he said, “I need to finish giving the emergency instructions. Please stay quiet until then.”

“I just need you to tell this young man to stop shutting the window. We all want to look out.”

“Whoever sits by the window gets to control the shades,” claimed someone from the row behind her.

“That’s not fair,” Gladys insisted. “Everyone should be able to enjoy the view!”

“Ma’am, please, I have to go over the passenger safety tips,” the attendant reiterated.

“No one is even paying attention,” Gladys announced, changing her tune now that she had an agenda. 

“Fine, the person who has the window seat gets to control the shade. If your neighbor wants it down, it stays down. Now, please stay quiet…”

“That’s bullshit,” Gladys shouted, suddenly escalating the situation as she ripped open the shades. 

“What the fuck!” Window-seat man exclaimed.

“That’s uncalled for,” someone else yelled.

“Who’s the one with no home-training now?” another passenger quipped.

Flustered, Gladys started fanning herself. This was not how she had pictured her first and last flight. She was a genteel woman known for kindness and said so. The attendant had walked towards the front of the plane and was in discussion with someone.

“They’re going to kick you off and ban you from flying,” someone informed her.

“They can’t! That’s not right! This is my first flight and I’ve so been looking forward to it,” she explained

“Well, you fucked it up,” someone else said.

“Watch your language!” Gladys snapped.

“Coming from the bitch who just yelled ‘Bullshit’” another passenger added laughing. 

“I am not a bitch,” Gladys insisted. “I don’t know what has come over me.”

The two flight attendants who had been talking approached her now.

“Ma’am,” the new one said, “I’m going to have to ask you to exit the plane.”

“Oh, please no,” she begged. “I’m sorry. My nerves just got the best of me. I don’t know what has come over me, but I’m calm now. I’ve never flown before.”

The attendants looked at each other. It was pretty clear that once you were asked to leave, there was no going back, but Gladys was appearing genteel and kind now.

“I’m on my best behavior,” she pleaded. They left to confer with the pilot who returned with them moments later after a troubling silence from Gladys. The pilot introduced himself and asked what the problem was.

“Oh, there’s no problem, sir. I let my nerves get the best of me. I’ve never flown before and started feeling all jittery and shouted a cuss word which is not normal in my nature. Sure, I might swear at home if I stub my toe, but I’ve never blurted out something like that in public,” she stated honestly. Gladys was known for being kind, friendly, and polite. Even when she murdered all those people, she was very polite about it and never cussed or lost her temper. It was just something she had to do.

“I don’t see a need to make her disembark,” the pilot said smiling. “Stay on your best behavior, ma’am.”

“Oh, I assure you that I am,” she responded.

Gladys spent the next few hours chatting politely though no one responded. More than once someone told her to shut up, but she never lost her temper as she had done before. She very obnoxiously tried to look through other windows, even trying to change seats. One person explained to her that you could pay extra to choose your seat on many airlines.’

“Thank you, but that won’t be necessary,” Gladys explained. “I’m never flying again.”

“Are you moving to Mexico permanently?” the kind passenger asked.

“No, I just have one more kill to make before the cancer wins,” Gladys said laughing.

“Are you a hunter?” the woman asked.

“My whole life,” she answered.

“I’m sorry to learn about your cancer. Don’t give up though. My mother almost did but pulled through after a tough fight,” the passenger said.

“I only have one more fight left in me, but I do thank you for your encouraging words,” she replied. “What kind of cancer did your mom beat?”

The passenger never got the chance to answer as the pilot announced their descent and instructed everyone to return to their seat and buckle up. The plane landed safely. It had been a really great first and only flight for Gladys except not being able to look out of the window. She still didn’t understand how someone could be so inconsiderate.

After disembarking, she trailed the window-seat man until he got into a resort shuttle. Gladys got into a cab and instructed the driver to follow that bus.