Funny Business

Carla’s mother was tired of her Funny Business. 

She had been pestering her all year, since the first day she’d started again at a new school and in a new town, to join a club. 

“Carla! You’re so lovely. You really are. But you don’t let anyone see.” She’d poke Carla with her thumb and grin like an old walrus on the verge of tears. “You don’t let anyone see what’s going on in that little smart brain of yours.”

Carla wasn’t boring. She had plenty of fun and plenty of friends at her old school, before she’d been dubiously kicked out at the end of her junior year. Carla wasn’t even that quiet usually, but after what had happened, she found it best to keep her head down and not meddle too much with others. It was only a matter of time, she figured, before they knew who she was and what- regardless of the truth- she had done. It was too difficult for Carla to explain the gray area to those who were there, much more for those who had never known her before.

So she kept her head down.

She did her work, smiled at the teachers, and ate her lunch in the cool and quiet refuge of the school’s library. No one bothered her. No one talked to her at all, much to her mother’s surprise and pain. She cried after the first week of senior year was over, holding Carla a little too close to her chest and heaving gum and coffee flavored sobs into the crown of her hair. 

“My baby,” she wailed, “They don’t know. They can’t see.”

It got better after a while, and Carla’s mother stopped breaking into fresh peals of tears every time she came home without a magical new friend, but every now and then she would still poke Carla and implore her to try again. 

Finally, near the middle of the year, Carla gave up and told her mother she would sign up for something. 

“A clown troupe? Really, honey?” Her mother tutted, sticking out her bottom lip. “I mean, sure… At least you’re trying something. I can be excited for that, but why couldn’t it be something a little less, I don’t know, weird?” 

Carla smiled and told her mother that it was a clown troupe or nothing, and that was that. So, when she arrived at the annual Clover Clown Troupe party a few months later, her mother also couldn’t really protest. 

She was doing a Normal Teenage Thing.

She was Getting Out There. 

She was Scared Out of Her Mind, too, but her mother didn’t need to know that. 

Carla had attended the meetings and activities religiously since joining. She had done everything she could to not only assimilate to the crowd of clowns, but to rise to the top. The two minor clown presidents, Jenalee Palmer and Kurigo Vespur-Hatch, had taken to Carla pretty early on. They had taken her under their bright, pinstriped wings and given her the first pair of clown shoes she’d ever owned. They were three sizes too big and a shade of purple that would have made a grape blush in comparison. Jenalee and Kurigo, known also by the clown names Pepita and Burbles respectively, were not the ones Carla needed to impress or the reason why this party was so important. 

The main leader of the Clover Clown Troupe, Laredo Hooper, was notoriously hard to please. He was the best clown the tri-state area had seen since the days of Laughter Bonbon, aka Selina Eights, who had juggled seven hundred bottles of spray on glitter while riding a beautiful pony before making her glorious leap into a Olympic pool sized bathtub filled to the brim with olive oil and pink dye. Laughter Bonbon was infinitely hallowed in the Clown Troupe. 

It was no mistake that her son, Laredo, would come in at a close second. 

He had (pun intended) big, fat shoes to fill. 

Carla understood why Laredo was the way he was, with so much nervous energy he practically bounded from place to place, his face splitting into a smile whenever he was happy or proud but deepening into a horrible scowl when he wasn’t. It just didn’t make his often cold demeanor any easier to handle. 

She was so close to being the clown troupe representative for the annual conference. She was so close and yet so far away, thanks to Laredo and his staunch requirements for who would be good enough. Carla should have expected he would pull something like this, tell her about a party the night before. Everyone else, apparently, already knew. They had just been given instructions not to tell her. 

She stood in Laredo’s driveway, pulling her dress down further. It was a little shorter than she usually would wear, at least at Clover. At her old school, well, a lot of things were different, even the length of her clothes. 

“Carlaa!” Jenalee came bounding out of the house, dressed in a bright red jumper. She threw her arms around Carla and pulled her inside. “Redo’s been looking for you everywhere.” 

“I was running a little late, sorry. I’ll find him.” 

Jenalee laughed, “Mm hm.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jenalee shook her head, “Oh, nothing, nothing.”

Everyone else, about fifteen clown troupe kids plus some other outliers, were already milling around in Laredo’s living room, looping around each other lazily on sofas and a few folding card tables. It smelled sweet, like cotton candy. 

“It’s so loud,” Carla whispered, “Why is it so loud?”

Jenalee laughed again, “Carla, please. This is quiet compared to most of Redo’s parties.” 

“Where is he?”

“Oh, so eager to find him?”

Carla scowled. “I’m not. I just want to tell him I’m here.”

“Okay, okay. He’s in the kitchen, probably.” 

Carla rolled her eyes. “With who?”

Jenalee hmmed. “I have no idea. Just go check. I’ll be here. We’re gonna play games later.” 

“Okay. I’ll find you.” Carla wove through the reams of people until she found the kitchen. It was less swarmed than other places, but still packed enough that finding Laredo took a few minutes. He was standing by the counter alone, drinking a small can of orange juice. He saw Carla and frowned. 

“Hey.” Carla slid next to him, “I’m here.” 

He nodded. “I see that. What are you wearing?” 

“A dress. What are you wearing?”

“Clothes.” He looked at her quietly. “I’m glad you’re here. Didn’t think you would make it, Carla.”

Carla bristled. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“You get busy. You get too into your head. You don’t have time for me.”

“Time for you?”

Laredo frowned. “No. That’s not what I meant.” 

“I know you like me.”

A beat passed. Laredo looked away first. “Please. Don’t-”

Carla bumped him with her hip. “Not here. I know.” 

Laredo took a sip of his orange juice and offered some to Carla. “Want some?”

“What, and compromise your precious reputation? No, that’s alright.” 

“You know it’s not like that.” 

Carla curled her fingers close to her palm. “Yeah, I think it is.” She slunk out of the kitchen to go find Jenalee. Laredo watched her leave, quietly wishing he didn’t listen to his mother so much. For such a famous clown, she was such a party pooper. 

“Did you find him?” Jenalee asked Carla, when they reunited in a hallway by the first floor bathroom. 

“Yeah, I did. He was in the kitchen. Happy to see me as usual.” 

Jenalee scratched her nose. “Right-o.” She examined Carla. “Are you okay?” 

“Huh? Yeah,” Carla nodded, “I’m good.” Jenalee bumped her friend’s shoulder. Carla laughed. “Really! I’m okay. I promise. What have you been up to tonight?” 

“I hung out with Kurigo for a bit, and found Molisa. I started looking for Alke, but I couldn’t find them, so I headed over here when I saw you wandering around.” Carla gave Jenalee a small hug. “What was that for?” 

“Nothing. You’re a good friend.” 

“Carlaa. What did you drink in that kitchen?” 

“Nothing. Not even orange juice.” 

“Okay. That’s… You’ve never given me a hug before. It’s just weird.” 

Carla shrugged. “Must be because we’re close to graduating. I’m gonna miss you, crazy.” 

“You mean you’re gonna miss me like crazy.” 

“Yeah.” 

The girls stared at each other for a minute. Carla opened her mouth to continue her impromptu gratefulness, but the crowd around them started shifting. “Where are you guys going?” Jenalee asked. 

A tall person who Carla didn’t recognize- must have been someone from the drama group that sometimes joined the clowns- stopped and answered, “Oh, it’s game time. We’re headed to the basement.” 

Jenalee grabbed Carla by the arm. “Let’s go!” 

“I’m not sure I want to-”

“Then why are you here? Didn’t you need to, like, prove yourself?” 

“Fine,” Carla sighed, “Let’s go.” 

They followed the crowd down to the basement, where the other kids were circling up on the old sofas, armchairs, and the floor. By the time Carla and Jenalee got there, the only space available was a corner directly across from Laredo and his second in command, Galo de Lugo. 

Galo was not in the clown troupe. He was a baseball player. Carla wasn’t entirely sure how he and Laredo were best friends, but there was no doubt that they were. He nodded to Carla, and she tilted her head. Then, luckily, she remembered that Jenalee was standing next to her. Galo was nodding to Jenalee, not Carla. Jenalee and Galo played tennis together this summer, so they already knew each other. She took a deep breath. Maybe they’d start the games soon. The sooner they started, the sooner she could go home and the whole thing would be over. 

“What’s the game?” 

Jenalee shook her head. “I don’t know yet.” She saw her other good friend, Alke, sitting by Molisa and Kurigo. “Should I go sit by Alke?” 

Carla grinned, “You do what you want. I’m sure they’d be happy to see you, though, and not in the way Laredo is happy to see me. He just wants to embarrass me, probably.” 

“Yeah, probably.” Jenalee looked over to Alke again. “Are you sure you’ll be alright?” 

Carla sighed, “Yes, I’ll be fine! Go, have fun. Tell me all about it when you get the chance.” 

Jenalee smiled and squeezed Carla’s arm. “Thanks!” She stood up from the small corner and went to find Alke, who was indeed very happy for Jenalee’s company. 

“Alee and Alke.” Carla shook her head, smiling to herself. “That’s so cute.” 

Before she could keep pondering the impending cuteness of her new ship, Galo clapped his hands together and cleared his throat. “Hey, guys. We’re gonna play truth or dare.” 

It was a really formal way to introduce the game. Carla laughed. Laredo shot her a weird look, and she looked down at her shoes. Galo continued, “So, yeah, let’s just get started.” A few side conversations sizzled down. Galo smiled, showing his crooked front teeth. “I’ll go first.” He pointed loosely at Gregoria Swanson, who was known around school for securing a deal with the Disney Channel in sixth grade. “Truth or dare.” 

“Truth.” 

“Why did you come home?”

Gregoria picked at a scab on her hand. “Got bored. Deal was up. What a stupid question.” She nudged her friend, Halle, who was sitting next to her. “Truth or dare.” 

Halle chose dare, and had to dump out the contents of her purse. The game went around and around until Jenalee chose Carla. “Truth or dare, Carla.” 

“I dare you to show us your routine for the annual clown convention.” 

Carla blinked, “Right now? I don’t even know if I’m going yet.” 

Laredo gripped his new can of orange juice. 

“But I mean,” Carla tried to get an answer from him, “I guess I could?”

She stood up and smoothed her dress down over her legs. 

Laredo said, “You don’t have your props.” 

“And? I went to your improv workshops, didn’t I?”

Carla knew she shouldn’t expose her true routine. She knew Laredo would actually explode if she did. She knew just by the way he was looking at her that she held his respect in the palm of her hand. Things had been rocky since the beginning, but she trusted him. She couldn’t ruin what he had worked so hard for. 

“I’m gonna go-”

“No, it’s okay.” Carla waved him back. “I changed my answer. Truth.”

Jenalee booed lightheartedly. Her dare hadn’t been malicious. She had no idea how much was riding on this routine, and Carla didn’t blame her. She tried to roll her shoulders back and relax. This was a party. She took a deep breath. “Truth,” she repeated. 

“Um, okay! Let’s see.” Jenalee’s eyes lit up. “Who was the last person you kissed?” 

Carla’s eyes flicked towards Laredo. She closed them. 

“Come on, Carlaaa. Tell. Who was it?” 

Laredo tried to look very aloof, like her answer wouldn’t sink him either way. He didn’t want her to tell the truth, but he didn’t want her to feel like she had to lie about him, either. His heart twisted. 

“Oh, you know, it was,” Carla bit her thumbnail, “It was Laredo.” 

Laredo sunk into the couch cushions. Everyone spun to look at him, and then at Carla. She gave him a little wave. Next to him, Galo’s jaw dropped. 

“Are you kidding?” Jenalee asked, finally. 

Carla whistled. “Nope.”

“She’s not kidding,” murmured Laredo. He hid behind his arms. 

“How long-”

“Jen,” Carla started, “I’m sorry. You know I couldn’t tell you. His mom would cancel the clown troupe for everyone.” She sighed again, “You know she would throw up in her canoe shoes if she knew.” 

Jenalee nodded. “I thought you’d trust me.” 

Galo squirmed. He did not like situations like these. He tried in vain to round everyone back into the game. They were too busy, their eyes and ears soldered on what was happening between Jenalee, Carla, and Laredo. 

“I do trust you. It just wasn’t… When would have been a good time to tell you?”

Alke raised a hand. “Wait. You guys are dating?” 

Carla flipped up her palms. “I wish I knew.” 

Laredo exhaled and held out a hand to Carla. “This is getting out of control. Galo, continue the game, please. I need to talk to Carla.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, I’m sorry for all this. Come on?” 

Carla gave a last look to Jenalee and Kurigo, who looked highly forlorn and confused. “I’m sorry,” she mouthed, before stepping out to the balcony with Laredo. He shut the door behind them. “What do you want, Lar? I tried my best to stay out of your way and it didn’t work.” 

“Yeah.” He traced the fabric on his sleeve absently. “I know. You did the right thing, I think. It’s not fair to lie, is it? I really like you.” 

“Your mom said-”

“My mom needs to accept that I’m old enough to make my own decisions.” 

Carla rubbed the side of her hand. It was a little colder than she expected. 

“Are you cold?” 

“Kind of, don’t worry about it.” 

Laredo slid his jacket off and held it out to her. “Here.” 

“Are you sure? Your mom-”

He stopped her, “Let me take care of that. I don’t want to be part of a clown troupe that doesn’t really make me happy, okay? I love the industry, but my mom lives and breathes it. It’s not a fair standard. To you or me.” Laredo smiled sadly, “And I haven’t been kind to you. I let it all get to my head. You are so talented.”

“Thank you.” Carla pulled the jacket closer around her shoulders. 

“Will you be my girlfriend? Like, really? No more sneaking around?” 

Carla held out a hand. “Shake on it.” 

Laredo shook her hand and pulled away laughing when he felt the little, unmistakable shock of a prank buzzer. He took Carla’s hand and flipped it up, revealing the small metal box. 

“I agree,” Carla said, “No more sneaking around.” 

Laredo moved closer, vaguely aware of the rest of the clown troupe watching them through the window. “No more-” he started.

“Funny business,” Carla finished. 

The End