GREY WORLD

Love doesn't exist. Love is tainted. Love will get you killed. Love has no meaning in a world where hate, where distrust, where dishonesty, where control exist.

In this world. My world love has no room for any of us. Hope is forbidden. Intimacy is forbidden. Caring and compassion is forbidden. Anything that has to do with love is forbidden.

I walk around in a world that is devoid of human emotions. The only emotions I see and feel is fear and sadness.

I feel fear every day I walk down the street. I fear for myself. My friends and family. I cry every day because there is no love. No happiness. No kindness.

In my world people have been killed because they dare to love. They dare to show affection. They were brave but they were also examples of what not to do.

I ;lost friends and family because they didn't to obey the rules set forth by the government. Some were publicly executed. Some disappeared never to been seen again.

I wish I was as brave as those that I lost. I wish I could feel all these feelings that I know are deep within me. I want to feel more than fear and sadness.

I want to laugh and smile. I want to sing and dance. I want someone to hold me and never let go. I want the impossible.

All I do every day and night is cry. I cry myself to sleep. I wake-up in the morning and cry. My mother doesn't know why I cry. She has no emotions. She's just as grey as the world we live in.

I stare at my mother wondering how she can be so cold and lifeless. I wonder if she understands the world around us.

When I look at my mother, I wait to see if I get a reaction from her but she's always so stoic. I never get anything other than Thalia do this. Thalia do that.

I wonder if there is any meaning behind my name. Thalia is a unique name. None the less I do as I'm told. It's the same thing every day. Take out the garbage. Go to the store. It's boring but there is nothing I can do about it.

Today is no different. Taking out the garbage is easy but watching the people walk aimlessly like mindless drones is not easy. Watching them as I am doing now breaks my heart but I can't show it. It's too dangerous.

I watch them walking staring off into nothing. No one looking at the person to the right of them nor to the left of them.

I look up at the sky and see a real drone going back and forth watching and waiting for their moment to pounce on anyone who shows any feelings especially love.

This is how the government controls us. They don't want any of us to be close to each other. They don't want us to feel because if we feel we start to talk then we start to plan and then we rise up.

Love is a powerful weapon. The government uses our greatest weapon against us. They instill fear in us so we won't love.

I walk up to my apartment. I open the door and walk-in to a lifeless home. I hear something I never heard before. My mother crying.

I slowly open the door and peek in. My mother's room is dark. The curtains are closed so the drones won't see her.

"My love, I miss you so much." I faintly hear my mother saying. I smile knowing my mom is not a lifeless robot. In my heart and mind, I tell my mom "I love you."

I quietly close the door so I won't disturb her. I walk back to my room and close the door. I sit on my bed and begin to think.

I think about what my mom is doing in secret. I think about what other people are doing in secret, showing their love to the people who matter most to them. What a beautiful thing to have.

One small act of defiance can empower any to act on their beliefs. My mom is doing it and many others are probably doing it too.

I can be brave like that too. I need some fresh air. I grab my bag and leave my apartment. I walk out of the building. I look up and see a drone following me.

What would be an appropriate name for a world that has no love, no color and no meaning? A world that took everything from us including the beautiful park that in times gone by was filled with love and togetherness.

Now it's devoid of life. The beautiful flowers are gone. The benches are gone. The birds singing are gone. Everything that made the park beautiful is gone.

The drone is still high above me watching. I can't stay in one place for long. I start walking again. No one looks at me and I don't look at them.

Devoid of human contact of human emotions takes a toll out of us. We need to feel, I need to feel. I need human contact especially from my mother.

I need to tell my mother all these feelings I have. Every day I feel like I'm going to explode. I have everything bottled up because I'm too scared to let go.

I hear the drone leaving. Good. The tunnel my secret place where I can't be spied on is where I go when I need to be alone.

The tunnel is my secret place where I can cry for the people I lost. For my dad and all the others who needless died all in the name of love. I come to the tunnel and cry for my mother who I love but can't tell her.

The tunnel is where I go so nobody will find me. It's the one place I guard with everything I have. Secretly, I've been bringing items from home to the tunnel to bring a little love to my life.

When the drones are not in the sky, I go and search for items to being to the tunnel. I found pictures of couples holding hands, pictures of flowers, animals and so many other things.

I found paints and paint brushes and began painting the tunnel. There is no color and love in the world then I want the tunnel to have it all. I want the tunnel to have everything I can't have.

I continue painting the tunnel when I hear noises coming from outside. I look out and see two people hugging and kissing each other. Which is against the law. I smile and go back to painting.

The tunnel and seeing the two people breaking the law and not reporting the is my act of defiance against the government who took everything from us.

I hang pictures of my parents during happier times. I miss my dad so much. He never let the government get in the way of his love for me and my mother.

It's getting late. I better go home before curfew. I leave the tunnel and begin walking home. What is all this? I see papers littering the ground. I pick one up. It reads "The Red Roses are here. The Red Roses are rising. Come join us." I look around. I'm alone. I put the paper in my pocket and walk home.

I wonder who the Red Roses are as I enter my apartment. I quietly go to my room. I take out the paper and look at it closely. In the underlining of the words read "The Love Revolution is rising." So it has begun.