I'm here to tell you a story about a young girl who was so bad no one wanted to be around her. This girl had such a disregard for life that she was incapable of feelings. The things she did was unheard of for a girl. Those around her tried to get her the help she needed, but she refused.
This young girl hated everything and everyone including family and friends. She would hurt anyone she came into contact with. She simply didn't care. She went about life without any feelings for herself or the people who cared about her.
This young girl's name is Jessie and yes, the girl described above is me. I didn't care about anything, not my family or friends. I only cared about me. I hated everyone. I would curse at the world, start fights with anyone I came upon. I was mean and harsh. I made my little sister cry for no reason. This was my life and I was going to do things my way regardless of the consequences. I had little sympathy for anyone. I had no regrets about the things I did.
My parents did all they could to help me root out the reason why I was so angry, but I refused their help. Instead, I made their lives more miserable. Each night I would hear my mom crying, I didn't care. I shrugged it off.
You won't believe the horrible things I did besides starting fights and cursing at the world. I would steal from family and friends even neighbors. I took money, jewelry, tablets, you name it I'd steal it. I forged checks and cash them in without my parents knowing about it. I would go into stores steal clothes even shoes.
Everybody knew what I did so I just kept doing it. The town knew who I was and they turned a blinded eye. They were all scared of me, that's the way I liked it. I was literally on top of the world laughing at those around me. I would go inside a store, the movies, the park, the people backed away from me. My parents and friends didn't want to be seen with me and as always, I didn't care. Then one day my luck ended.
I got home one day from where ever I was, my parents were waiting for me outside our house. My mom came upto me and told me "We can't do this anymore. This is for your own good." I heard police sirens and figured out my parents called the police. The police came and arrested me.
My parents ratted me out. I cursed and yelled at them. I told them I hated them and I never wanted to see them again. Both my parents were crying again I simply didn't care. I was worried about what would happen to me and only me. That day I thought was the worst day of my life, but the worst was yet to come.
I stood before the judge and was sentenced to five years in prison. Currently as of now that's where I am. My actions led me to place I never imagined I would be in. I only have myself to blame.
Each day since I've been in this hell all I've thought about is my parents and what I put them through. How much I hurt them. How much time I lost with them because of my behavior. How I could have changed and How I didn't want to change.
I thought a lot about calling or writing, but I chose not to. I don't think my parents want to hear from me. Do I blame them? No, I don't.
Who am I? Am I still the same person I was before prison? The answer is maybe. I still get into fights. I still curse. Nothing for me has changed. I try and try and try to change, nothing seems to work. I don't know how to release my anger.
Yes, I finally feel remorse for what I did to my parents and my anger towards them for what they did to me is still here. I don't know if it will ever go away.
Prison has taught me to be tough, tougher than I ever was on the outside. Prison has also taught me that I need to change my ways or else I won't be around to live a good life as a different person.
I have to keep trying to change not only for me, but to prove to my parents I'm not the same person I use to be. The first step is to acknowledge my problem.
I don't even know where to start. My life has been nothing nut full of horrible mistakes. The real question is how did I come to be the person I am?
The truth is I don't know why I became so angry. I had good parents, amazing friends, and an amazing life. Then one day I suddenly hated everyone around me. I started to do all these horrible things and to this day I can't figure out why. How do I even begin to find what I'm looking for.
Today is like any normal day here at the prison. You wake up, eat breakfast and basically do nothing. You see why it's hard for me to try and get better. There is literally nothing to do. But then I get some news that can potentially help me. The prison is starting counseling sessions. I immediately sign up. This could be the answer to my problems.
I receive word tomorrow will be my first counseling session. I prepare the best I can. I'm nervous. I never let anybody in. This is a first for me, opening up, laying bare my feelings. Oh My God! Now thinking about it I don't know if I can do this.
Looking at a picture of my parents and sister gives me the strength I need to try to become a good person, to change my life around and to hopefully get out of this hell I put myself into.
So, today is my first day going to counseling. I arrive right on time, ten to be exact. I'm led into the counselor's office. I wait for the counselor to arrive. When she does, I see she's a woman, a few years older than me.
She introduces herself as Aimee. Aimee tells me "This is not a get out of jail free card. Counseling is for prisoners who have real problems." I nod.
Aimee nods for me to begin. I start from the beginning by telling her I have great parents, amazing sister and friends, then suddenly I became a person no one knew. I started behaving badly starting fights, stealing from family and friends, from stores. I forged checks using my mother's name. I finish by telling Aimee "The reason why I'm here is because of my parents."
I look at Aimee and she looks at me. She asks me if I know the reason why I'm so angry. I tell her no. She tells me to describe my home life. I explain to Aimee my home life is just like any normal family. We eat dinner together, talk and laugh. We go on vacations together.
Aimee looks deep into my soul like nobody has ever looked, I feel completely naked. Aimee tells me to close my eyes and think back to a time where I was happy, young and free of all the burdens I placed on myself.
I do as Aimee tells me and close my eyes. I look back through the years and find a time where I was happy and free of all my burdens. I open my eyes and smile at Aimee.
I tell Aimee "The time I felt happy was three years ago. I was fifteen." I smile at the memory and continue. "My best friend Sky and I were always together, sleepovers, shopping sprees, we did so many things together, crazy things like pulling pranks on our parents. Sky was at the hospital when my sister was born. Then something. Oh My God!
The memories are coming back. Every painful memory I buried deep within my soul is coming back. I begin to cry. "Let it go Jessie. Tell me what is in your heart." I nod. "My best friend Sky was taken away from me. Her beautiful life was cut short. Sky was murdered."
I sob and sob in Aimee's arms. I've been so angry at the world because my best friend was murdered. I never dealt with my feelings over sky's murder. I've taken everything out on my family because I couldn't face the heartbroken truth.
"Jessie, look at me. What happened to Sky is not your fault. Sky would not want you to act this way. She wants you to live a happy life, to be a good person. You have it in you to be a good person. All you have to do is believe in yourself and believe that Sky and the memories you have of her will always be in your heart. Those memories are never going away."
Aimee is right. I have to change, do better and become a good person, for me, for Sky, for my parents and sister. Aimee hands me a book to read about overcoming loss. I thank Aimee and leave.
I feel better than I ever had been. Sky's murder was really traumatizing for me. I never dealt with losing Sky. The way I dealt with my pain was taking it out on the people I love.
Next, I go to the prison chapel. I sit down and pray for myself, for Sky, my parents and sister. I pray to God to overcome the person I am and to become the person I want to be.
Over the next year I go to counseling and talk to Aimee about all the things in my life I destroyed and how I can make it better. How I want my life to be better. Aimee gives me hope I can turn my life around.
When I go to the prison chapel, I feel Sky next to me given me strength and filling me with hope. Sky I'm changing my life for you so you know I can be a good person. I want you to be proud of me.
Sine I've been going to counseling, I haven't started any fights. I haven't been cursing. I'm not hating life. I've been looking at life, at the world in a whole new way.
Today is my last day of counseling and Aimee has given me good news. I've been granted early release on the condition I talk to my parents first. I happily agree.
My parents arrive early the next day. I'm excited to see them, but also nervous. Instead of the guards coming to get me, Aimee arrives and escorts me to see my parents.
My parents are waiting at the visitor's area. I walk up to them and say hi. We al sit down at the table. Aimee encourages me to tell my parents everything.
I tell my parents everything. "Mom, Dad being in prison has been an experience I don't wish upon anyone. In my time here I learned a lot about myself. At first, I didn't want to change. I was the way I use to be. Since talking to Aimee, I've come to understand why I acted the way I did. The reason is because of Sky. I never dealt with Sky's murder. It ate away at me to the point where I was angry at the wrong people. I love you guys so much and I caused you so much pain. I miss Sky so much. I wish she was still here with me. I'm so sorry. I want my life to mean something. I want you guys to be proud of me."
My mom begins to cry. "She tells me "Baby, you should have told us from the beginning what was going on. Me and your father could have helped you through your pain."
I begin to cry and tell them "I'm changing for the better." I hug my parents. Two days later I'm being released from prison. My parents are here to take me home.
Three months later, I'm happy to report I'm doing better. I'm still going to counseling with Aimee. I'm talking with my parents more. Me and my sister are closer than ever. I've apologized to the rest of my family and friends. I returned every single item I've stolen and apologized to the workers.
I'm working to repay my family the money I stole. I still going to church to pray so I can continue to live a good life and be the person my parents want me to be.
In honor of Sky, I'm going to college to purse a career in medicine. This was the dream me and Sky wanted. I'm going to do this no matter how long it takes.
Sky my sister, my best friend, I miss you, I love you. I changed so you can always be proud of me. I'm better because you are my friend.
RIP SKY. I will see you one day. Fly with the Angels.