Life Moves On

Holding his hand, I watch with tears flowing freely down my face as my first love releases his last breath. At fifteen, most teens are learning how to drive, not preparing to tell their childhood best friend, first kiss, and first everything, goodbye.

Hayden has been there for me since the day I was born. Our mothers thought it was amazing to try and pair us up as toddlers, brainstorming of our future. Hayden was a whole year older than me, and they loved that we were close in age. Playdates were easy, and they continued with their matchmaking scheme. They were over the moon when their hopes took form, and we began dating. Everything came crashing down, though, when the brain tumor was found. There was so little time left with him. 

I stare as his chest slowly deflates, and his hand twitches in my grasp for the last time. His once healthy dark brown hair is thin and brittle. His skin has the texture of sandpaper and is translucent. His blue eyes that could rival the ocean close, never to open again. I try not to flinch as a cold settles deep into my soul. 

"Karlie, it's time for us to go." My mother places a hand on my shoulder, causing me to turn and stare at her in confusion. I push my blonde hair out of my face while I gather my thoughts. 

"Why, what will they do with him. I can't just leave him, mom. I told him I would stay until the very end."

"Honey, we have to. They have to prepare the body. You did stay. Now come, we will take Leda and her family home. They are heartbroken too."

I turn to look at Leda, Hayden's mother, as she lets her husband, Kevin, lead her from the room. She, too, has tears flowing like rivers down her cheeks. They both have a distant look to their glassy eyes. 

I turn back to my mother and reach for her hand. It is soft and warm, such a contrast to the hand I have been holding for the last four hours.

She pulls me into a tight hug, as I stand before we follow his parent's out. I take one more look over my shoulder as we reach the door, and sigh. 

The once bright room with its oversized hospital bed is dull. The red curtains and blankets are no longer vibrant without his radiant smile. The room no longer smells like his mint body wash and musky scent. Everything reeks of death and antiseptic instead, it creates an urge to run from the never-ending darkness that comes with a dying breath. 

I close my eyes, whispering another goodbye before I leave the room. I pull the heavy oak door closed behind me. It's symbolic. I am closing the door to a part of my life I will never know again and headed toward an unknown future. Regardless of what is in store for me, I promised Hayden I would move on and live. I don't back down on my promises. 

The next few days go by in a blur. I do only the necessary functions of daily living as I remain in my emotional fog. Life is dark and sad now without Hayden's humor and sweet kisses. I let myself get lost in memories of our love to make it through his funeral.

It's several weeks later when I am snapped out of my lifeless routine upon discovering I am late. I am in a panic but have no other choice but to seek help from my mom. She walks me through the steps necessary in using a pregnancy test to confirm that I am in fact carrying the child of my former love. I am surprised she is not upset, having found out her teenage daughter is pregnant. 

We share the news with Leda and Kevin, and they are shocked yet happy. They, along with my family, are supportive as the months fly by, and I deliver a beautiful baby boy with dark brown hair and blue eyes. I name him after his father and time goes on. I manage to graduate earlier than my former classmates in order to take care of my son. He is my world and already acts like his father. 

Life as a single mother is hard, even with the support of my family. There is never a quiet moment, and I don't have room for sadness. I live every day just as Hayden hoped I would. My little family is happy and healthy. There is love, and there is joy. I wouldn't want it any other way. 

I keep those thoughts as my focus as little Hayden grows. He is such a unique and smart child! He picks up on things quickly and impresses his teachers in school. 

As he enters into his third-grade year, I begin to date a man, Daniel, that has a child in his class. He is a widower, and his young daughter is best friends with little Hayden. He is tall and slender with red hair and bright green eyes. He adores Hayden, and I love his daughter Paisley.

After a year of dating, he proposes. 

"Hayden, son, how would you feel about having Paisley as a sister and Daniel as a new dad?" I ask my child as I place a bowl of cereal in front of him the next morning. 

"I think that would be nice, mommy. I really like Mr. Daniel." He reaches for his spoon and begins taking small bites of his fruity loops.

"I am glad you feel that way, son, because Daniel has asked if we would be part of his family." 

I watch as he drops his spoon and slides out of his chair. I laugh as he begins to run around the dining room, yelling about having a new daddy and sissy. It warms my heart, and my face breaks out into an easy smile. 

Within the next year, a wedding is planned, and the day arrives. I am escorted down the aisle by both my father and Hayden's dad. They have been family for years, and I couldn't imagine not having them involved. The wedding day is blessed with beautiful weather, and everything goes smoothly. We celebrate and move into our new house the following day.

Entering my new home with a box in my arms, I send up a silent thank you to Hayden for showing what love was and also for pushing me to live life without him. Without my promise to him and our sweet surprise, I know life would have turned out differently. 

The End