r/relationship_connect Searching for Inna

r/relationship_connect

Jiaxu_0325

I am looking to reconnect with someone. Her name is Inna... She should be around 22 at the time of me posting this. I received the following letters. She sent one more on July 20th 2023. Please Inna if you are seeing this reply with the last letter. I know I am late but I only got the letters now. It's not an excuse but I promise I will explain everything. If you recognize the handwriting or the letters please tell Inna.

June 30th, 2022

Dear Jiaxu,

I truly don't know what you did to me but you are constantly on my mind. I hope this period of silence will end soon. I know our last conversation wasn't normal but I am worried about you. Please just let me know that you are receiving help after witnessing that. You did all you could, there was nothing more you could have done. So please don't blame yourself. If you need someone to talk to, I will always be here.

July 20th 2022,

Dear Jiaxu,

I don't think I am worried as much. I saw you were active on Instagram the week you stopped responding. Part of me was relieved and the other part was hurting. We weren't together for long, but I had been happy with you. I guess I hadn't told you everything and it made you feel like I wasn't open to hearing any issues you were facing. I don't know what you were feeling at the end of us, I may never know what you felt. Was it ever real? Was it just me putting forth the effort? I don't really want to know now. At the end I could feel you pulling away. It was like the string that held us close despite the distance was thinning. Did you expect for me to go out that night, clubbing, posting about being happy I am single? No, I wouldn't do that. I didn't do that. I couldn't hurt you like that, it would just hurt me too. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I hope you are doing well. I hope you have been studying hard to pass that test. I want for you to climb to be a successful person. Happy Birthday.

July 24th, 2022,

Dear Jiaxu,

I'm going to Pittsburgh for a week. I keep dreaming of you magically appearing before me. I'll be at the airport when you run through the glass doors. Flowers in hand, a card topping the pink roses. You would shout my name, reaching me just before security checkpoint. I wouldn't even ask for an apology or an explanation. I would cry while embracing you. Asking if you were okay. Are you okay?

August 3rd, 2022,

Jiaxu,

My sister asked about you. Why I haven't talked to you at all during my trip. I told her we broke up. Of course she asked why. I said we wanted different things. I hate that I have to save face because of how you left. Why should I have to tell my family and friends that it was a clean breakup? I cried so much that I thought my tears would drown me. I hoped that my tears from heartbreak would drown me. But I'm here, left to explain to the curious ears that surround me. Do you friends ask about me? Does your sister know about our breakup? Was it even a breakup if you just ran silently?

November 24, 2022,

I thought of you again. It's the holiday season that bring my thoughts back to you. Did you finally move into a new place with your friends? I know how excited you were for that change. I hope you are doing well.

December 24, 2022,

Remember when you asked about what I do for Christmas? I told you that my family celebrates on Christmas Eve. We spend all day making tamales, and at midnight we open gifts. You said you would like to join in. Are you alone this Christmas?

January 1, 2023,

I asked my friends how long they are supposed to think of their ex. They said a few months. I think it's been more than a few months. Why do you continue to live in my mind? Every time my phone rings and dings, my heart lurches thinking it's you. You probably don't even have my number anymore. We blocked each other on Instagram within the month we stopped talking. OR the month YOU stopped talking.

February 14, 2023,

Jiaxu,

This could have been our first Valentine's Day together... I'm giving myself today only to freely think of you without beating myself up about it. I could picture our date. You would have wracked your brain trying to think of an expensive restaurant to take me to. Probably would have been so stressed that I could tell. I would prefer a date at a museum rather than a steakhouse. During the date you would be anxious. Full of worry that a walk through a museum isn't enough for Valentines Day. I would just be happy that we were together. No gifts wanted, no fancy dinners needed, just you alone.

May 10, 2023,

Hi Jiaxu,

It's almost my 21st birthday. It's been a while since I thought of you... I guess that's not a bad thing but I still feel guilty. I'm not doing anything wrong but slowly returning back to my life. It's just that I remembered last year. On my birthday. I'm laughing at the fact that I got Covid and had to be isolated during my birthday. You facetimed me every day for hours. Checking in on me, making me laugh. Then you would get upset that I would mute myself to hide my coughs. "Why are you muting when you cough?" You would ask. Without fail I would say "I don't want to disturb you." That would send you into lecture mode about coughing being normal especially when sick. There is something I didn't tell you that day. While you were at work, I was alone in my room. I cried. Not because of you but because of myself. I was so angry with myself because truthfully I didn't expect to live past 16. There I was hitting 20 and still alive. I cried that I hadn't died. Then when you called I cried more because I felt guilty for thinking about death. Leaving you behind when you said everyone left you behind. That's why my eyes were red when you called. It wasn't covid. I'm sorry I lied to you. But look at me now, I'm turning 21. Happy Early Birthday to me.

June 30, 2023,

One year. It's been exactly one year since we talked. I think I need to stop writing these letters. I haven't sent a single one and I no longer have any intention to do so. It's been helping to write about you when I miss you. My friends worry that I may never forget you. My first love, but doesn't everyone remember their first love? I won't ever stop loving you no matter how much time passes me by. I hope you are happy and smiling. I wish you well.

-Inna.

Jiaxu_0325

Inna I'm sorry. I understand if you have left me in the past. Please dm me so I can explain.

07/20/2024

Update 1

Jiaxu_0325

I'm happy this has received many upvotes but I still haven't heard from Inna yet. I received some harsh comments about me ghosting. I deserve it. But Inna, if you knew her, you would know that she is someone that should be taken off the market through marriage. She is the kindest, most smart person I have ever met. She was a breath of fresh air. I always prepare myself for people leaving. I thought my feelings for her were too much too soon.

I'll admit that Inna was supposed to be a rebound to me. I had just gotten out of a long relationship. I was looking for fun, Inna was fun but she quickly became way more to me. I was scared. I didn't want to get hurt again and so I ran. Only one friend I am close with had known about what I did. He continued to push me to contact Inna, knowing she was good for me. I cleaned up my act, stopped clubbing every weekend, stopped drinking too much, I even gave up my vape. I know how much she disliked those habits of mine. Yet she never brought it up or complained. She simply would stay by me to take care of me.

Some of you have suggested I just go to her house...I tried. She moved and the letters were sent after she moved. The return address is to her old home. This is really my only chance at finding Inna, so please continue to help me search for her.

08/10/2024