The price of being ambitious

“Chess!” I shout, “it has something to do with it, I am sure of it. My prediction is infallible.” 

I sit on grass holding a brown box in my hands. I put it on the grass. 

“I feel like it is all coming to me now. It is rather late for that but what can I do?” I say as I shrug my shoulders. 

“You will do good, trust me. One day you will play even better than me, but I can't study when you can't say still. Will you give me a little quiet, can you do that for me, pretty please?” says Anabel. I guess she tries to comfort me (it is not working) when she herself is very stressed, I can sense that you know. 

“And I feel that you will do even better,” I say with a smile on my face and sticking out my tongue. She smiles, but quite forcefully so I detect that she is eager to be left alone. 

“I will go now. Will be back soon, bye sis!” I stand up, bow to her, wave and she smiles again at that, I walk away. And the clock starts ticking as they say, or it already started, when she was born. Kind of silly to think that way but it is actually quite true. Will I tell the story? Should I? Of course I should. So imagine as I recount. She has played chess since she was a little baby and I am not kidding. The same day our mother gave birth to Anabel, one of the biggest chess competitions in history was taking place. And my mom, being a great chess enthusiast, naturally had to be aware of every move that was made. One of the nurses had to set up a chessboard so she could follow the game. And every time a move was made, the nurse had to shout it to our mother, who was shrieking (because of the pushing), so they ended up shouting together. And spoiler alert, my mom's favorite player did not win. So Anabel came and as mom held her, they played through the whole chess game together once more. What a birth story! 

 I don't have anything to match that of course. When I was born there was only a big round moon and mocking darkness. And who the hell plays chess at two in the morning. But nonetheless, I think Anabel actually deserves a grand story because she is actually a good human being. I can say it honestly and without any doubt. She is always trying to help and make anything better, an optimist one might say. And she is a great student as well. She has studied harder than any of my family (including our mother and that says something). So in conclusion, it is not a miracle that she became a grand chess player herself. Or as I say, she is a bloody good one. She has had a lot of practice as well, I haven't seen anyone trying harder than her. I wouldn't be surprised if she won the upcoming tournament. 

 “Hey, Hanna!” I fall back to earth from my thoughts as someone shouts for me. I stop and try to find where that voice came from.

“Yes, madam” as I move my head like a madman trying to find someone. That someone grabs my elbow from behind and rotates me. 

“You are an art piece really,” and it is Anabel. But it is kind of suspicious, I was away maybe for 10 minutes not even that. 

“Let's go!” she says as she already starts walking. 

“Okay,” I say as I hesitate. She is a few steps ahead when I start to follow her. 

“Are you sure you want to go already?”

“Yes, I have done this my whole life, some more minutes won't change anything.” 

“Something wrong?”

“Just nervous.”

“Okay”

I start to look around. In short, we are in a park, surrounded by a lot of different trees and some squirrels. And I see a building, that building.

“It is that, yes?” 

Anabel wakes up from her thoughts, looks at me and then at that building.

“Yes, that is it.”

“So exciting, yes?”

“Yes,” a bit of a dry answer if I was honest but understandable of course. 

The building stands before us. I look at Anabel, she shivers. I get why she is scared, after all, we all have sacrificed so much. All the time that she has put into it. For example, all the times when we were on the weekends for her competitions not doing normal family stuff like going to hikes or making a pajama party with friends. Or all the nights that she was awake so that the next day she could win the competition. Not just time, but all resources, from emotional to financial, are being utilized. For example when I had to go to the library multiple times after school to deliver her chess books when she was sick but she refused to not study. Or when we had to move to another country so that she had a better trainer. All the long drives to different places that our parents tried to make road trips, not realizing that she couldn't relax and I felt all that - it made me incredibly uneasy. Or when our parents had to sell our dear country home so that we could have enough money to get a sponsor. 

 Maybe she feels guilt for that or feels that she will somehow let us down. I know that I would fear that. But I know that it will never happen because I can already say that I don't blame her. Of course I have had to sacrifice a lot but I have never been someone who can stand still. Apart from me, she has always liked to be in one place, which makes me doubt if she even wants that kind of life. Maybe her love for chess is bigger than the uncomfort. Maybe that is how life is. To get something is to lose something right?

 The building looks bigger on the inside, I want it to really be that way to bend reality's walls and to break out of these frames. I think Anabels anxiety is reaching me. 

“I will now depart, see you soon.” She walks away, suddenly regaining confidence. 

 The competition will probably start soon. I watch around, people are bustling. I always loved to see how many different ages there were. Just fascinating. As I admired people from afar someone tapped my shoulder.

“Madam, are you lost?” He is a fine gentleman with a stylish mustache. I think mustaches are simply awesome; if I were a man, I would definitely have one.

“Not quite. Just bored to be honest.” swinging my arms. 

“Oh so we are the same. Would you like to play one chess game with me to pass the time?”

“Why not, let's go!”

“There is a free table!” He points to one table that is in the corridor alongside many other tables. 

“That looks amazing!” I begin to walk there with excitement. 

Some bonuses if you have a sister who is a chess grandmaster is that you learn a thing or two as well. Recently I have participated in some competitions as well, small ones though. At first I was really bored and what more can you do in a chess competition than enter as well. So that is what I did. Of course I was not as good as my sister but I wasn't bad either. 

 Playing that game with him was harder than usual. He was exceptionally skilled, but an even better teacher. Sometimes he guided me, and other times he let me stumble. I have to admit, the end felt hopeless but then he explained to me how we ended up in that position and asked if I wanted to repeat and fix my blunders. So I did and the time just flew by. 

“Hanna,” I hear my mothers voice. 

“Yes mom! I am here! I am playing with this nice gentleman.” I say as my mother reaches me. 

“She is quite good, made me think about some of my moves,” he says. 

“And he let me win.” I say giggling.

“No you did it yourself young lady.” he says with great enthusiasm.

“How wonderful,“ she says as she hugs me, “good job honey!”

She releases me and I start to put the chess pieces in the right order. Can't leave anything messy can you. 

“I believe I have an important match that I need to attend. It was a pleasure,” he says as he lifts his hat. He walks away. 

“Let's go see Anabel now, what do you think?”

“Yes! Where is she, do you know?” I say as we start to walk away.

"She should be there," she says, pointing. "Before she started, I came to find you. She seemed quite nervous. Did you notice the same?"

“She did, yes, I was thinking the same,” I said as we reached the room where Anabel was competing

“This way honey,” she directs me. So many people have gathered around Anabel and her opponent.  

“This is quite a hard match is it not?” I ask. 

“Anabel said that it could be quite a challenge for her.” Mother seemed worried as well.

“Is it bad when she loses?” I look at mom. 

“No, of course not. I just hope that she is not too harsh with herself.” She takes her arm around my shoulders and rests her head on top of mine. 

“Check-mate,” we hear and the fear shivers of fear run down my spine. 

“Who won?” I ask.

“She did not,” she says, “I think she needs a hug now.”

"Then we will give her a big hug and take her out to eat her favorite food! Perhaps that will cheer her up and take her mind off things."

“That is a good idea honey,” says she as we walk to Anabel to give her a hug. She is crying.

“Oh honey,” says mom. 

“I failed, I miserably failed,” she murmurs. 

“No honey, you learned,” mom says as she grabs her into a hub. 

“I am proud of you Anabel,” I say as I hug them both.