True love, and all that.

So this sucks.

His name is Jamie Campbell. Suave, debonair, charming, or at least that’s what he’d like to believe. Jamie has just sat down to dinner at one of Vancouver’s finest restaurants with his stunning blind date.

The two complement one another perfectly. Jamie with his midnight blue, finely tailored suit, and his date with a strapless crimson evening gown.

But all is not well on this particular night.

Uhg. Have you ever been on one of those dates where you just want to drive off the side of a cliff? Not your ordinary five hundred footer, no, I’m talking right off the top of Everest!

ya, that‘s what I’m on right now.

Her name’s Casey, and, well...she’s five degrees hotter than Arizona summer! Miss Vancouver for the last three years. Body? Bam! Face? Pow!

She‘s the kind of girl that makes you want to go home and slap your momma, she’s so fine....but that’s the outside.

This girl never shuts up! In fact, I don’t think her mouth has stopped moving since we Met. That was...like twenty minutes ago, and it’s mindless! She’s not saying anything. Yammering on and on about...like I said, nothing.

I’m hoping a terrorist cell will smash through the front window, point their weapons squarely at my temple, and end this purgatory...any minute now. It’s that bad!

Like a Ferrari with no engine, hot ass exterior, nothing under the hood.

Sitting directly in front of Jamie is Casey Thomas. A dazzling sight. Her mahogany ringlets bounce as the former Ms. Vancouver continues to speak.

“So, how do you like this place? Their Foiegras is the best in the city,” says Jamie as he flashes a confident smile.

“Well, I-“ before Casey can respond, Jamie swiftly raises his arm. Waving it slowly but steadily until the overwhelmed waiter peers over at Jamie’s Table.

“Excuse me, Garçon! Can I get a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon...uh, seventy two”, asks Jamie, closing the wine list quickly.

What a blowhard! Have you ever been on one of those dates where you want to place your face firmly into a barrel with All the thumb tacks? Ya, I’m on one of those right now.

I mean, listen to this guy! He’s in love with the sound of his own pretentious, blowhard voice.

Every time I’ve tried to say something, or voice my opinion on something he’s said, he jumps in to tell me how much he knows about whatever it is we’re talking about!

At least he’s ripped and hot as shit...he’s just full of shit as well.

Still, likely going to hit that.

Both Jamie and Casey are of the same mind.

As the evening progresses, the beautiful couple manages to amuse themselves the best they can.

without the other ever the wiser, the stunning duo construct playful games in their heads to pass the time.

“I’ll tell you, it’s been forever since I was able to tear myself away from the office. I don’t know what it is, but I‘m just a workaholic. That’s how you make the big bucks I suppose, right?

I normally like to Drop by my gallery when I have spare time. I’m a Pollock man. You?”

please. I’m sure this ditz thinks Pollock is some kind of fish. Here, Fishy, fishy. Let’s see how many times I can replace every other word she says with fish...I’ll be here a while.

“Funny you should ask-“ Casey is interrupted by Jamie as he turns his focus to the waiter. With the red wine in his hand, the waiter makes his way over to the young couple.

“Ah! Beautiful. Best year by far, in my opinion,” says Jamie with a small smirk on his face.

I’ll bet, Mr. douche. Has time stopped? This waiter hasn’t even taken our order yet. Christ all mighty...Hm, this guy really loves to pout his lips whenever he starts to speak. I wonder how many times he actually does it? Oh! There’s one.

Dinner is served and ends swiftly. The couple, glamorous and with hunger satiated, leave the restaurant, and head to Jamie’s black BMW.

The couple arrive at Jamie’s bungalow. A spacious, Art Deco in the middle of a heavily forested hillside.

As the pair exit the vehicle and enter the home, they share an awkward silence.

Suddenly, the two beautiful strangers begin to embrace. As clothes are torn from their bodies, and flesh makes contact with flesh, the couple fiercely make their way upstairs, ravishing each other as they finally head to the bed room.

Several hours pass. As Jamis slowly peers over at the clock, he sighs. He glares at his bed guest with furrowed brow.

Why are you still here? Think, think! What can I do to get her out of here?

Casey, awake and pondering her options, stares peripherally in Jamie’s direction.

I have to get out of here. Think, think! Ok, maybe he’s asleep. I can get dressed, step outside, make my way past the house, and call an Uber before he even knows I’m gone.

Casey gently sinks out of bed. She slips into her clothes and makes her way toward the door.

You can do it. That’s it.

The pair collectively think. As Casey makes her exit, she glances back at the house. She salutes the house as she takes her cellphone out of her hand bag.

“So long, Blowhard,” whispers Casey.

Jamie, no longer feeling the need to pretend to sleep peers over at his window.

“So long, Ditz,” Says Jamie softly.

The next morning, Jamie arrives at his office. A large smile on his face and a playful strut in his step, he walks to his office with delight.

He is just in time for his morning interview with a very illustrious client.

“Mr. Campbell, your nine o clock is here,” says Jamie’s receptionist.

As the door swings open, Jamie locks eyes with his client.

“Uh, h...hello, Casey,” says a stunned Jamie.

“Indeed...I guess we have a lot to cover this morning.”

As the two share an awkward silence, they can’t help but let out tremendous laughter. Jamie gets up from his chair, and the pair embrace, as they continue to bellow hysterically.

End.