Swim Trunks and Shakespeare

The backyard was dark and silent. It felt as if the whole world was sleeping. Effy could feel the weight of the day upon him each time he played the events back in his head. He lost. His dreams were further away than they had ever been. Swimming had been a part of his life since he was six; the dream was the Olympics. His life had become a blur this last year as he trained. He missed so much during his junior year of high school: Homecoming, games, dating, and time with family. 

Effy heard the sliding glass door open and sighed. His little brother had been like a second skin and, although he loved him very much, he just wanted to be left alone. He felt a playful smack on the shoulder and, to his surprise, found his old friend Joel standing there. They hadn’t seen each other in a couple of years but kept in touch through social media. 

“Dude! When did you get here?  What are you doing here?” Effy was confused and excited at the same time. 

“My mom and I moved back. We just got here a couple of days ago.  It’s been crazy, but after I heard about this morning, I knew I had to make time. How are you holding up?” Effy was not the emotional type, but Joel was someone who would take the time to understand. Effy felt betrayed by a sport that had been his life.  He was supposed to be celebrating tonight. Who was he without swimming?  Senior year was approaching quickly and now he would just be a regular student and had no idea how to be regular. 

“I get it, man. Let’s make a deal though, let’s make this the best senior year ever!  Let’s try new things! The sky’s the limit!” Joel’s energy was hard to ignore. 

“I will do my best! I guess there’s nothing else to lose at this point.” The enthusiasm was lacking a touch, however, Effy knew that Joel being back was a great sign.

Over the next month and a half, Effy prepared for his senior year. His mom had made an appointment with a photographer for his senior pictures. Effy rolled his eyes at the impending doom of changing clothes several times and being told to bring his chin up, cross his arms, lean this way and that way, and how to smile with teeth but not too much. Aside from the pictures, there was the ceremonious event of shopping for new clothes and school supplies all of which he had to share with his younger brother who wasn’t himself unless he was making a situation more difficult than it needed to be. 

Joel picked up Effy for the first day of school. He was driving a brand new blue Camaro compliments of his father who figured the gesture would keep him in good standing for another year.  They rode to school mutually enjoying Kendrick Lamar’s new album. They arrived early enough to claim their senior parking spot. The spot couldn’t be too close to the close and too far away and it had to be naturally void of direct sunshine.  With so few people yet to show up, it was easy to claim a space.  Once they parked, Joel pulled forward a bit and popped the trunk open.  He found his can of red spray paint and sprayed his name onto the pavement knowing that the seniors would come back on a Saturday morning to decorate their spots for the year. 

“Well, I guess this is it!” Effy looked unsure. He leaned against the car and wondered how this year would go. He still had no idea who he was without swimming and he wasn’t even sure he wanted to know.

“You gotta get out of your head, dude. I’m about to sound like your dad, so you’re going to need to forgive me for that later but this year is what you make of it. This is the time to take chances…live dangerously…and have fun. Talk to the girl you have always wanted to. Try a different sport. Join a club.  When you don’t know what you are looking for then it is impossible to know where to look…so look everywhere!!” Deep down Effy knew that Joel was speaking truth. 

The first month of school was nothing short of painful. Teachers, students, janitors, you name it, they were all approaching him with those sad puppy dog eyes expressing just how sad they were that he had not made it onto the Olympic swim team.  He wanted to crawl under a rock and forget that school existed. 

“This Shakespeare is killing me!  Do you have any idea what these words mean?” Effy was lucky enough to have Joel in his English class, but not lucky enough for them to be on the same level. 

“ I mean really, what is this? ‘O, that this too too solid flesh would melt/Thaw and resolve itself into a dew!/Or that the Everlasting had not fix’d/His canon ‘gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!/How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. Blah, blah blah…” Joel was clearly not loving this and, being a teen boy himself, Effy was feeling as if he should feel the same but the words spoke to him in a way that he was not expecting. 

“Imagine your dad dies and not very long after that your mom marries someone else.  How upset or confused would you be at that?  I know you…it would be like the world ended! Then, when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, your dad’s ghost comes to you and tells you that he was murdered…murdered Dude!!  And, as if it needed to be worse, the guy your mom married was who murdered him and he wants you to avenge him!!!” Effy was really getting into this and he could see that he had helped Joel.  This was an exhilarating feeling that Effy hadn’t expected. Effy found himself looking forward to English as long as they were studying Shakespeare’s Hamlet. He had studied Shakespeare a little bit as a freshman and he didn’t give it two thoughts, but something had changed in him since then.  Suddenly, it made sense; more than that, it spoke to him. 

“Effy, would you mind staying back for a minute after class?” Ms. Westlake was a teacher that Effy didn’t mind.  She hadn’t been like everyone else when it came to asking questions about what had happened over the summer.  When he was in her class he felt free to be himself, but he was still figuring out what that meant. 

“Your grasp of Shakespeare is not something I see very often at the high school level, Effy. It brings me so much joy to see you enjoying the material and helping your classmates understand it.” Effy could not help the smile that was forming on his face.

“The theater department…” Effy blocked out everything that was said after this. Theater? Who did she think she was talking to? Effy was used to performing in front of large crowds but in the water.  There weren’t any words necessary and he certainly didn’t have to memorize anything. Not to mention the fact that he was completely free from having to look anyone in the face as he swam. This was a hard pass…no matter what it was that came after the three words that made him shut down.

“I know this is something completely different for you but you have such an amazing grasp of the content that I had to ask.” Ms. Westlake was waiting for a response. 

“Effy, did you hear anything I just said?” Effy knew he had to respond but with what he did not know.  

“I’m sorry, Ms. Westlake.  I missed most of what you just said.  My mind drifted off.” Effy slightly blushed at admitting that he had not been fully listening.

“I was asking if you would try out for the school’s production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. It would be a wonderful outlet to put your talent for understanding Shakespeare to good use. The auditions are this coming Tuesday and Wednesday after school.  You select a monologue from any Shakespeare play and perform it for the selection committee. I would be happy to suggest some selections.” Effy was speechless. Effy was considered a jock by most and jocks and Shakespeare didn’t mix. If he was being honest with himself though, he had surprised himself over the last month or so. He decided that he might as well go for it.

“Sure, Ms. Westlake.  My mom is always trying to get me to experience new things.” Ms. Westlake could not contain her excitement for this new challenge.

“I will get some ideas together and send them to you via email.  If you need any help preparing just let me know!” What had he gotten himself into?

 Later that night Effy looked at the email sent by Ms. Westlake.  There were several pieces to choose from, but he was drawn to another from Hamlet. 

To be, or not to be: that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;

No more; and by a sleep to say we end

The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks

That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;

To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come

When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,

Must give us pause: there's the respect

That makes calamity of so long life;

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,

The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,

The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,

The insolence of office and the spurns

That patient merit of the unworthy takes,

When he himself might his quietus make

With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,

To grunt and sweat under a weary life,

But that the dread of something after death,

The undiscover'd country from whose bourn

No traveller returns, puzzles the will

And makes us rather bear those ills we have

Than fly to others that we know not of?

It’s probably one of the more cliche Shakespeare speeches, but Effy didn’t care. This is one that he could connect with and, according to Ms. Westlake, that was the most important part. He spent the weekend working on it and wondering if he had made the right choice. 

Effy spent most of Tuesday preoccupied by the thought of stepping onto a stage later that day and showing people a side of him that even he didn’t know existed until recently. He pondered what this could mean for his future.  His mother always told him that everything happened for a reason and grappling with the reason for the loss last summer still took quite a bit of his focus. He kept this decision close.  The only person that knew that he was trying out was Ms. Westlake.  Effy did not want to field a bunch of questions, nor did he want a bunch of false hope heaped upon him by those being overly positive about his chances. 

His cover had been blown. Someone had posted a picture of him at the tryouts and questioned his attendance. Joel had brought it to his attention and asked why he hadn’t told him.  

“Would I have messed with you a bit?  You better believe I would, but after all of the jokes I would have cheered you on.” Effy knew that his friends and family would have supported him, however, he wanted something for himself.

“What are they saying? I feel like it went really well, but I was definitely nervous.” He knew that he shouldn’t be concerned about what his peers were saying but his confidence had been shaken and, all of a sudden, he cared way too much. The look on Joel’s face said it all. Effy didn’t need to see or hear the comments to know that they weren’t good. Effy had done horribly and, more than that, he had embarrassed himself.

There was no way Effy could face school the next day.  He faked illness and even though his mother clearly didn’t buy it, she allowed him to stay home. This day felt so much like the day he lost the Olympics. He wondered why he kept losing.  What was he missing? He sat around feeling sorry for himself and drowning his feelings in hours of video games. Later that afternoon, he saw his phone light up and he ignored it. Joel would have to wait. A few minutes later it lit up again and he ignored it again. Then a text came through, it said, “Dude, you won’t believe what I just saw!!” Effy rolled his eyes and responded even though he could care less what Joel had to say right now.

The next text that came through had one word in all caps, PUCK. Effy was confused. He broke his own rules and called Joel.

“What do you mean by Puck? Who or what is that?” Effy was failing at not being annoyed.

“Are you serious right now? Puck is the lead in A Midsummer Night’s Dream!! You got the part!!  You did it!!” Effy didn’t need to see Joel to know that he was sporting that stupid grin of his. 

“Ummm…really? That’s nice but I don’t think it’s for me. Even if I wanted to, I mean really wanted to, nobody else wanted me to. I think I’ll step aside and let the part go to the next person in line.  It really wasn’t in my comfort zone anyway.” He hoped that Joel would buy it and just leave him alone about it. He wanted to just forget that he ever gave it any thought. Of course, Joel tried his best to talk him down but Effy was serious about letting it go. Effy emailed the theater teacher and backed out of the part and vowed to erase the entire experience from his memory.

It had been about three weeks and the whispers were starting to die down. They were no longer studying Shakespeare in class and he was finding his groove as a senior.  He decided he needed more fun in his life and started getting out with Joel more.  He had no idea his life was about to change forever.

“Effy Hayes please come to the activities office.  Effy Hayes to the activities office.” His friends at lunch just stared at him while he shrugged and headed toward the office.  When he reached the office Mr. Morton approached him.

“Effy let’s step into this office and chat for a minute, if you don’t mind.” He did mind.  What did Mr. Morton think he was doing.  Effy had said no and he meant it. Plus, it had been three weeks.  

“I’m sure you are wondering what this is about, so I’ll get right to the point. Cal, the young man who took the Puck part after you declined, has mono.  They are predicting that he will be out of school anywhere from three to six weeks. We need to recast the part. I know that you said you didn’t want to do it, but I’ve honestly never had an audition as good as yours in all of my years doing this.  I’m glad I get to see you face to face in order to tell you that you have talent young man. I think you could go very far if this is something you want!” If this is something I want? Effy remembered that feeling he had after he had auditioned.  The feeling was magical and he hadn’t felt that way since his much younger days in the pool. Effy found himself feeling a way that he had never felt. He suddenly did not care what anyone else thought of his choices.

“I’ll do it!!  But, how do I even get the lines memorized??  It’s been three weeks.” At that moment, Mr. Morton assured him that there were techniques to learn his lines and not worry. The tool that would be the most useful to him would be for him to believe in himself and be confident in his decision.  Effy walked out of that room a changed person.

A few weeks later Effy made his debut in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. His heart tried to pound its way out of his chest, his mouth was dry, and he had to reapply his deodorant three times. When he first stepped on stage it was with uncertainty, however, by the time he stated, “Lord, what fools these mortals be!” he had found himself rather comfortable. The cast gave four performances and, after each one, the crowd gave some of their loudest cheers for Effy as he took his final bow as Puck. 

Effy learned so much about himself after he allowed Shakespeare into his life. He learned that you should never let the opinions of others drown out the message of your heart. He learned that just because you fail at one thing doesn’t mean that you won’t succeed at others and, most importantly, events that seem like failures probably aren’t failures at all. He also learned a very important lesson about social media. It is so much easier to be negative on social media and tear people down than it is to be positive and supportive. You should never base any choice or opinion on what you see on social media.  You should always trust your gut!