Silence was Not Golden

Silence for Peter was not golden. It was more like charcoal, blackening his life. As a child, he had trouble speaking. Part of it was due to a physical flaw in his throat, but added to that was his overwhelming shyness and the worry that he would say the wrong thing. There were days in public school when he would not say a word, despite the encouragement of his teachers, some of whom just thought that he just needed to try harder. When he did speak, his voice was often too quiet for the teacher and fellow students to hear and understand what he was saying. He was often mocked by the latter, with them imitating his very quiet voice.

As an adult, he had learned to talk softly, but still be heard. The people at work were accustomed to it, and most of them were very understanding. He knew that his soft voice often made it too difficult for his wife Laura to hear him. Sometimes she would not even try to hear him, just ignore him like he had nothing important to say. That bothered him when she did that, but in a way, he could understand why she was frustrated.

Then One Day

Then one day Laura walked into the living room, where he was watching hockey, cheering only by clapping his hands together. In a way too loud voice she said, “Stand up Peter. I have something important to say.” Although this sounded ominous, he stood up and turned the volume on the television off.

“I have decided that I cannot live with you anymore. Communication is very important to me. I have to leave you. I cannot put up with it anymore.” Then she walked out of the room.

What he did not know then, but would soon learn, she already had an alternative relationship with someone the two of them knew, and he had considered a bit of a friend. 

He tried to call her back, but all that he could say that could be heard was NO!, after which he just hung his head in silence. The effects of that experience on top of his physical disability would completely silence him. He had no voice left.

A Man With No Voice

Peter was now a man with no voice at all that could be heard. This made things quite difficult at work. He needed to carry his cell phone, when communicating with his fellow workers. He would press the appropriate buttons for his letters and words, and it would speak for him, with an AI-type boring tone. While this gave him a kind of speech in his interaction with the others, it was slow and awkward, and drew attention to the fact that he could not speak out loud. He did not contribute as much to the conversations at meetings like he used to do before his wife Laura left him.

Peter’s Free Time

Peter spent his free time not just watching hockey (he celebrated a Toronto Maple Leaf goal with the ringing of a cowbell – some nights were fairly quiet), but hanging out at the local British bar, the Toby Jug. He brought a pen and piece of paper to order his drinks and occasional suppers. The regulars knew him and would exchange a few words with him, sometimes entirely on paper from both sides. He appreciated that.

A couple of times, Laura was at the bar with her new beau, Ralph. She had no words for him, spoken or on paper. And he had no words for her. She and Ralph stopped going there after a few awkward encounters. The last time there, Ralph looked over at him, and loudly declared “Let’s blow his pop stand.  There are better crowds elsewhere.”

Peter did not feel insulted. He was just glad that he would no see them there anymore.

There Was A Woman

There was a woman that sat with her girlfriends at what was obviously their favourite table. She would occasionally look at him and smile. He wanted to walk over to that table and write her a message to say what he thought of her. But he just did not have the nerve to do so, as much as he wanted to when he looked over at her.

Still, it led him to a bold decision. He set up an appointment with a doctor who specialized in throats. He asked her whether there was some kind of treatment for his throat that might enable him to speak with a voice that could be heard. He told her, pen on paper that he believed that his wife’s leaving was a contributing part of his not speaking. While the doctor had never experienced any patient with such a self-imposed restraint on speech before, she felt that it just might be possible in this case.

Within a week he had the operation suggested to him by the doctor. He was told not to try to speak for the next two weeks, after that he could start to speak softly for a few days, and then aim for ‘normal’ function, no shouting at all. Peter told her that he had never once shouted in his entire life. They both laughed at those words, her with considerable sound, him with more of a cough than an actual laugh.

That Night At The Toby Jug

That night at the Toby Jug he passed around sheets of paper with his good news about his operation, and the possibility that they would one day actually hear him speak. For Peter the highlight of the light was walking over to what was known to the men as the ‘ladies table’ and handing a sheet to the woman that he admired from afar. She gave him a big smile when she took the sheet and read what was written on it. She then asked for a pen. After he handed it to over to her, she quickly scribbled down the words, “I look forward to having a long conversation with you once your voice returns”.

Exactly three weeks later they had that conversation at the Toby Jug, as they sat side by side at the bar. They discovered that they had a lot in common, including that they were both great fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Their first date would be at the Scotia Bank Arena, where the home team won, much to their delight. The both cheered their team on, her louder than him.