Silent Night

I rub my eyes as I walk down the stairs, the smell of freshly brewed coffee fills the air. Momma’s sitting at the kitchen table with a full cup sitting in front of her.  

“Good morning, Momma! Merry Christmas!” I say to her with a smile.  

She looks at me and smiles.  

“I’m so glad I’m off for the rest of the week. I didn’t want to be bothered with people right now. You know?” I sit at the table next to her and slide the coffee cup so it’s in front of me. “Your gift is a surprise! And before you ask, it’s not a big screen T.V.  And no, I’m not going to tell you either.” I drink some of my hot coffee. “I told Sharon not to get the same thing, but you know how your other daughter is. She thinks she’s the boss all the time.”  

Momma tilts her head a little and continues smiling.  

“What time did you go to sleep last night?” I ask. “I know I heard the T.V. on well past midnight,” I answered before she had a chance. “You need to start going to bed, that’s why you are so tired.”  

I get up from the table and take the cookies and milk from the counter. “I thought you were going to eat these before the girls woke up. You didn’t want them? Tonya made them with her little self. She didn’t want me to help her, so they might not taste the best. But she tried.”   

I throw the cookies in the trash and pour the milk into the kitchen sink. I turn the water on to rinse away the evidence.  

“Are you hungry?” I ask Momma. When I look up, she’s gone. “Momma, where did you go? Got me in here talking to myself.”  

I go into the living room where the big Christmas tree is. We decided to put all the presents under this tree this year and not the smaller one in the family room downstairs. Momma’s sitting in her favorite blue recliner with her feet propped up.   

“Hey, Siri play “Silent Night”,” I say out loud. “Remember we used to dance to this when I was little Momma? It’s my favorite Christmas song now. I play it for the girls all the time. I’m trying to make it their favorite Christmas song too.” I look through the presents and try to organize them. “I don’t know where I put your gifts, Momma. I think trying to hide them from you, I’ve hidden them from myself.”  I look at her sitting in her chair.  “You are glowing today...you look so beautiful!” I smile at her. She looks so peaceful in her white gown and white slippers. She has a blue and white bonnet covering her salt and pepper-colored hair.  

“Here we go! I found one with your name on it,” I say holding up a gift wrapped in navy blue paper with silver bells on it. There was a white ribbon tied around it with a neat bow on top. “You can’t open it until the girls come downstairs...they worked hard on this present for you!” I hold the box behind my back shielding it from her reach. “I’m going to hide it from you, so don’t try to be sneaky. I hope you like it though,” I say as I leave the room.   

I go into the dining room and stash the gift on top of the China cabinet. I run my hand across the top of the China cabinet. “Shit....I need to dust!” I rub my hands together to knock the dust off. I position a chair in front of the China cabinet before going into the bathroom to get the dusting supplies.  

I spray the polish on the cloth and start wiping the sides of the China cabinet. I wipe down the shelves and stand on the chair to wipe the top. The house is so quiet when the girls are asleep. You can hear a mouse run across the floor. Suddenly, music starts to play from the speakers. I hadn’t realized that Siri hadn’t played my song like I had asked a few minutes ago. I stopped dusting and sat down in the chair. The sweet sound of The Temptations fills the house. Their version of Silent Night was the best out of all the remakes over the years.  

I went back into the living room and sat at my momma's feet. She was singing so low I could barely hear her and I just wanted to be close to her. I rest my head on her lap, and we watch as the lights on the Christmas twinkle and sparkle in the early morning light. I feel her warm hand rub the top of my head. I close my eyes and remember some of my childhood Christmas’s. I remember me and my sister’s waking up and rushing to the tree to see what we got. Momma would be sitting on the couch with her Polaroid waiting to capture the expression on our faces when we opened that one present we wanted.  

We would look up and Momma would have the biggest smile on her face. She was a single parent but somehow, she always made sure we had everything we put on our Christmas list.  

“Momma!” 

“Um!”  

“I really hope you like your gift! When the girls told me their idea, it brought tears to my eyes. I know I wasn’t a perfect child, but I hope I make you proud,” I say. She rubs my head and continues to sing.  

I open my eyes and glance around the room. “Where am I?” I sit up in my bed and rub my eyes. I get out of bed and put my feet on the cold floor. “Where are my house shoes?” I tiptoe across the hardwood floor and into the hallway. “MOMMA!”  I run down the stairs and into the living room. I frantically look around the room, finally landing on the blue recliner. There is a gift wrapped in blue wrapping paper and a white ribbon around it. I pick up the gift and sit in the recliner. I look at the gift and read the silver tag.  

To: Momma 

I rip the paper off the gift and open the box. Inside is a glass block with Momma’s picture chiseled right in the middle. The image is 3-D, and it is wonderful. The details were perfect, and the base was blue. The words, “I’m always with you!” were engraved on the plaque on the front. I look up as the tears fill my eyes. I look at my Momma's blue urn sitting on the fireplace. The picture sitting next to it was the picture chiseled in the glass block. It was my favorite picture of her. She looked happy then.  

I go over to the fireplace and swap the picture for the memorabilia. I cry softly as I look at her picture. I take a deep breath. “Christmas will never be the same again!” I say to myself.  

“Momma where are you?” my oldest daughter yells from the top of the stairs.  

I wipe my face with the back of my pajama sleeve and clear my throat. “I’m down here,” I answer. I put the picture of my momma on the coffee table and sit down in the recliner. My girls rush down the stairs and head straight for the Christmas tree. I pick my phone up from the end table and start recording. They smile as they rip the wrapping paper of their gifts. I smile as I think of my momma and watch my little girls.  

I smile. “It’s okay if it’s a little different!”