1-4-3

Warning: death.

Her lips touched his forehead, warm from the fever he had had for the last couple of days. He was trembling and slowly closed his eyes when she touched him. Then, he finally seemed… at peace. His forehead grew colder so fast as if his very soul left the room in a split second. He has gone to sleep forever. A tear dropped from her cheek onto his arm. But he would never feel the sensation of water brushing against his skin again.

Once this was all they had. Sun and saltwater splashing them, wetting their clothes. Somehow, he always found a way to make her smile.

***

“Mom?”, she grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her as hard as she could. “Mom!” Nothing. “MOM!!!” Drowned. Just like her Dad. She wasn’t coming back…

“Oh, God, please no…”

The tears started falling so fast they were suffocating her. She couldn’t let go of the body. She wanted to find land, to bury the woman who gave her life.

A wave crushed her. She did not let go. She was desperately trying to hold onto the wooden floor that was the only thing remaining from their boat. 

It was supposed to be a nice family trip. The boat was the best they could afford. The ocean is beautiful, we would explore the coasts. Dolphins would be playing around us. 

Every day a new island. 

We won’t go far beyond the shore anyway, assured them her father. 

Thunderbolts were rumbling. Another wave came crashing in.

Soon she would drown too. Her tears and the waves were making it hard for her to breathe.

“Oh, Mom…” she said quietly and sobbed again. She would not let go. The least she owed her was to bury her the way she deserved. Her Dad was taken by the stream hours ago. Was he eaten already? Did he dissolve in the water? 

She trembled as another wave came at her. She was underwater again, this time pushed hard down to the bottom. She could not hold her breath for longer, she could not stop the tears, she might have been panicking. But she would not let go of the only one - well, thing - left to her.

She gasped for breath, a distant roar of thunder approaching. She has heard electricity travels through water - especially salty water - and she was wondering how long it would take before she dies struck by lightning. Or she drowns. Or suffocates. Or just gives up because there's no hope left for her.

No. 

She would not give up for as long as she could hold her.

This time she managed to push through and come on top of the coming wave. She still hadn’t let go. But how long could she go on? Another wave hit her to a rock on the bottom, face up. The pressure from the water shoved her straight into the hard stone where she snapped her back. Did it break? 

She felt herself becoming lighter. Her fingers lost their grip. The water around her was turning red from her blood. It was about time the sharks came hunting, too. Her mind was becoming numb. 

“Do. not. let go.” a voice screamed in her head but it came from too far away. She suddenly gasped and, as a reflex, used all her power to bend her fingers and hold them into a fist. Then the realization came - there was nothing in her fist. She was gone. She let go… Her Mom was forever lost at sea.

A bolt of lightning pierced the dark sky above her and the thunder was now so close its roar shut her mind off. Otherwise, she would’ve seen the beaming light in the distance.

***

“She will wake up soon, son. She seems your age, maybe it would be better if she saw you first. Might scare her less.”

He nodded. Then he sat next to her and he waited. As long as it takes, he thought.

***

When she finally opened her eyes, she felt a sharp pain in her head. She was dizzy and puked her guts all over the floor. No, not the floor. Someone’s bare feet.

“I am so sorry”, she said as she lifted her head toward their owner. Her voice sounded rough and dry. Was this even her own voice?

Then she saw some messy blonde curls and an awkward smile underneath. And somehow she felt everything would be alright.

***

He saved her. Not only did he find her, but he went back for her Mom, too. Well, her body. 

When she let go, he found strength to hold both of them tight. 

Of course, he just wasn’t sure if her Mom was dead. “If there was just a tiny chance of getting the water out of her lungs, I couldn’t leave her there,” he wrote her later.

They had a funeral and buried her in a field of flowers by the shore. There, the waves couldn’t reach her, but she could still enjoy them.

He held her hand while she cried. 

***

“We were living together here - my brother and his wife - his parents. When he was born, they wanted to give him everything he needed. We wanted him to have a future. Our little lighthouse wasn’t enough anymore. So one day, they set off for a distant island to find him books, to teach him how to read. Little did they know, they were trapping us here forever. You see, they never came back,” his uncle told her once.

After the incident the man got so scared, he refused to leave the lighthouse until his death. And the little child would stay, signaling the light, hoping to guide his parents from the horizon back to him someday.

***

They stayed by the grave the entire day and through the night. They craved a monumental plaque out of tree bark for her Dad and rested it on the tombstone of her Mom. 

Lost at sea.

The sunrise in the morning after the funeral was the best she’d ever seen. The waves got calmer, the sun colored the water pink and orange and the shore finally rested from the long storm. 

The storm that took her parents, her everything. But the storm that gave her him. 

The strong ocean that ripped his family apart. That took his voice. But the ocean that gave him her.

Found at sea?

That sunrise, as she stayed embraced in his arms, revealed the beauty of the next day. Taught her that every storm passes eventually; when all else is lost, hope remains.

It was he who healed her wounds and her pain. He listened. He wondered. He cared.

Now she had to bury him and there would be no one to hold her. She sobbed weakly as she felt a pain ripping her heart. God, what would she do without him?

***

“I had an old Harry Potter book. The first one. About the stone and the magician. That’s how he learned to write and read. Don’t take it personally if he doesn’t answer. He hears and understands, he just… he can’t speak.”

But he could. Because words aren’t the only way to say something.

***

He was pointing his index finger at himself and looking straight into her eyes. When she met his gaze, he made two fists with his hands and crossed them on his chest. Her heart skipped a beat as he pointed to her, grabbed her hand, and pulled her in for a kiss. He couldn’t speak but he didn’t need to. They belonged to each other.

***

“I think on some level he’s always sensed it. That his parents died for him, I mean. No matter how much I talked, the poor kid just wouldn’t say anything back. Maybe he was scared. I don’t know what it is and I don’t know sign language. I thought him Morse code, I used to be a marine for a while. Tried to be a SEAL, but, oh well… I rang the bell on the third day.”

So she learned Morse code. They developed their own sign language. But they didn’t need to speak.

She understood him. She didn’t need his words. She knew.

Together they were able to smile, to laugh, to have fun. The ocean and the storms did not seem scary anymore…

***

The lighthouse would always beam there. One time. Four times. Three times. It was his way of telling her he wanted her there. He felt good with her. He only saw her. 

One - four - three: I’m thinking about you. One-four-three: I would like to know you better. One - four - three: Will you marry me?

***

His uncle got sick when she was eighteen (the age he was when she lost her parents). They buried him next to her parents. This time she lent her shoulder to him and held him close. 

Afterward, they thought of leaving, but how could they? What if a boat comes and it needs their light? What if his parents come back? And how were they supposed to wake up without the sun rising above the water? How could they leave the ocean when it gave them purpose, meaning, strength? It made them resilient, it made them alive. The ocean lured them with its beauty, and how could they stay mad at it? 

It has taken everything away from them, true. But it also gave them each other. So they stayed on, holding against the current, laughing at the storms under the security of their home. Their home…

***

They married in the lighthouse during a storm. They laughed and couldn’t care less that the waves were coming at them. They were smiling right back. They were safe as long as they were together. He flashed the lighthouse one - four - three. 

1-4-3: You. Me.

1-4-3: We. Please, hear me- Smile. You...

1-4-3: … might be broken- might be sad - might be lost -

1-4-3: I. Don’t. Care. Do you understand?-

1-4-3: Kiss?.

1-4-3: I think I…- Well. Me without you?- Makes no sense-

1-4-3: How are you?- I hope well - I need you -

1-4-3: Who?. Me?. I want you-

***

One day, as they came back from the island, he felt dizzy, but she caught him. The next time, he fell down the stairs. She took care of him, as she saw how hard it was getting for him to move. He was trembling, freezing, while his forehead was burning. Yet he was longing to go for a swim… 

She wanted to try finding a doctor. But he wanted them to stay together and enjoy whatever time they had left. When the ocean was calm, they did go for a swim in the shallow waters. She was there with him the whole time and they weren’t scared. But slowly he began struggling to eat, to sign, to write. To breathe.

So now she was holding him. 

It remained a mystery to her what had happened. How did he get sick and why had it happened so fast: Could she have done more to save him? Did it have something to do with the food they were eating? Did something sting him on their usual afternoon swim? It didn’t matter. Life is like the ocean - it comes and goes like the high and low tide, it’s stunning with its beauty and scary with its strength. And despite - or maybe because of - its dangers, it’s amazing, it’s worth it. It’s meaningful.

***

So now it was her turn to fire the lighthouse. The sun was setting and the sky was getting darker. Yet on the horizon, the soft red-pink hue of the sunset was still shining, giving her hope for the future. Just as the sun was setting now, it would rise again tomorrow morning. He won’t be there to wake up and see, but she will. So she turned on the light and flashed it. One time. Four Times. Three Times. 

She felt a kick in her stomach. But before she could realize the significance of this sensation, she saw something. There, in the darkness of the night, under the beacon of the lighthouse, a boat was coming.

*Some parts of this story were inspired by Minot’s Ledge Lighthouse. The 1-4-3 part uses Morse code.