5 comments

Suspense Sad Fiction

“She was one of a kind, I’m going to miss her.”


******************************************************


David and Laura had spent the weekend together at his family’s lakehouse on account of it being a long holiday weekend. She didn’t know it, but he had something special planned, it was going to be a big day.


“David? I really like how the sun comes up over the horizon today, the fog really makes it seem peaceful.”


“I agree honey, it’s the quiet mornings like this that really make me appreciate the little things.”


“Me too!” She exclaimed, “it’s a shame we have to go back to reality today.”


Closing his eyes and breating deeply, “This is true, at least this trip has been great. I’m going to remember this forever.”


******************************************************


They had met three years previously in an online discussion group for their favorite hockey team. Laura was a recovering alcoholic, 2 years sober when they met.


David was a single father who lived alone. Not many understood him and he abhorred lying and being picked on in any form, which left him without a lot of true friends.


Laura, on the other hand, was different. She was instantly drawn to him, and him to her. As someone in recovery, she did occasionally have setbacks, but David was always there to encourage her. They joked around quite a bit, but she always had a sense of when it was going too far and would stop before setting him off.


Everyone thought they were perfect for each other, and no one was surprised in the least when they announced they were going away together for the weekend.


******************************************************


As the fog continued to dissipate with the morning sun, David and Laura sat on the porch, just admiring the beauty and seclusion of the 19th century log cabin lakehouse set only 150 yards from the lake. It was not quite warm enough to go for a swim, but not so cold that either needed more than a sweatshirt.


“Laura?”


“Yes David my dear?”


“I’ve figured it out. We can stay another day, if we leave before sunrise tomorrow.”


“Really?!?! I’m so happy. But what about my job? I have to be there at 6:30 and it takes a good 3 hours from here before I’m walking in the doors.”


With a very slight smirk, David smiled at her. “I’ll handle that. Your boss likes me, I’ll call her and work it out.”


Laura was elated. “I can’t believe you would do that for me! I love you so much.”


“It really is no problem. You’ve gotten me out of plenty of stressful moments, it’s the least I can do for you. Now get dressed so we can go into town for a bit on our last day here. I’ll wait for you out here.”


“Thank you so much baby!” She took his face in her hands and kissed him before running inside to change into something beyond a bathrobe.


David followed her with his eyes as she went inside the house. Yes, today is most definitely going to the day he had thought about for a long time, he had the details already planned. He took out his phone and punched in a number. “Donna? Hi, this is David. You know, Laura’s boyfriend? I’m just letting you know that she won’t be in tomorrow. She isn’t feeling well and we’re going to stay here for another day until she gets better. Thank you for understanding.” Hanging up and putting the phone in his pocket, he almost felt bad for lying to his girlfriend’s boss. “There are just some things better left to surprise” he told himself as Laura came back out.


“You look amazing Laura, now let’s start this last day off right” as they climbed into his car.


******************************************************


They spent the day exploring the small lake side community with its various antique shops, mom and pop restaurants, and even the local candy maker. This truly was shaping up to be every bit the big day that David had in mind.


“Laura? It’s getting dark. We need to be heading back. There’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while and I can’t do it here. I just can’t” David said as they finished their dessert at dinner.


Laura excitedly finished the last of her food with an uncontrollable smile on her face. “Okay babe, let’s go.”


******************************************************


They got out of the small SUV and noticed the air was cooler than when they left town.


“Why don’t you go change into a thicker sweater and meet me on the pier?” He asked Laura.


She smiled and bound up the steps to find something warmer to wear.


******************************************************

David had his hands behind his back as Laura walked from the porch of the house out towards the pier over the lake. He thought about everything. From the moment they first discovered they like the same team, to the AA and Al Anon meetings to support her recovery, to the multiple times she calmed his anxiety around large crowds or unfamiliar settings, all of it. He remembered all of the times they spent together and all of the things they knew about each other that no one else on the planet knew. His nerves were on fire, but he knew that tonight was the night. If he didn’t do it now, he would never do it.


“I can’t believe you were able to get me out of work tomorrow honey, you know how she is come this busy season.”


David shrugged. ”Like I told you, Donna adores me.”


She giggled. “I know, she’s always asking about you. She definitely approves of you.”


“I have a feeling she's going to be asking about me for a long time.”


“I hope not. I love you. Now what’s this big surprise you have for me Mister?’ Laura said with a playful grin.


“I guess it’s about that time, if you insist” David said with a wink, “Now close your eyes.”


The two of them embraced tightly and just held each other. When he heard her sigh of content, David plunged the knife into her back and held it there.


Laura’s eyes got wide with confusion and fear as she looked up at him. Her mouth opened to try and scream, but no scream came. Only a faint whisper accompanied by silent tears.


“Why?” was all she could manage.


With an angry whisper, “Because you lied to me. I trusted you. I saw the bottles hidden in the corner of your closet. You told me you were clean. You lead me to believe you were sticking to the steps and were sober. It was all a lie. Nobody lies to me.”


“But.....But....” Laura faintly gasped as the life went out of her.


“No buts. It’s too late. I told you your boss would be asking about me for a while. Goodbye Laura, I love you.”


He kissed her forehead one last time and let her now lifeless body fall into the lake. The full moon, somewhat ironically, peacefully reflected off the otherwise smooth lake surface as David calmly looked around at the serene surroundings.


 “She was one of a kind, I’m going to miss her” he said to himself before walking away.


******************************************************

November 17, 2020 19:28

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5 comments

Julia Boddie
18:17 Nov 20, 2020

I loved the story, especially the ending which was unexpected. I would love to read more of your work. The only constructive criticism I can give is that the characters could've had a little more personality. I personally think that the story would be even better than it already is if you developed Laura's personality more to make the reader feel really bad for her. Please take that as constructive criticism and know that I am not trying to be mean. Can't wait to read more of your work!

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Keith Edwin
05:43 Nov 21, 2020

I can see where you're coming from. I know that in the past I could get a bit wordy and fall into the infamous "info dump" when it comes to character descriptions. I was trying to stay away from a lot of that and focus more on the foreshadowing part or plot. If I were to continue this story in longer form, like possibly a search for David after he wanders off, I would probably provide more background on the main characters. At least it made an impact and stuck with readers. Not bad for my first real story since high school lol I did techn...

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Keith Edwin
05:44 Nov 21, 2020

Wait. How did some of you already read it? As I'm new to this site, I don't know the timing on when stories get posted and assumed it would happen sometime Saturday or after.

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Julia Boddie
23:24 Nov 22, 2020

The story gets posted on the contest page when they are approved. However, if someone goes to your page, they can see all your stories, even if they haven't been approved yet.

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Keith Edwin
01:36 Nov 23, 2020

Yeah, I found that out about half an hour after I made that comment lol

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