The Waiting Game

I parked my car and just sat there slumped against the seat. I am more than half an hour late, but do I care? No. There is no way he’s here yet. I’m late on purpose this time. I am tired of waiting hours for him. Honestly, I’m just tired in general.

I sigh as I open the car door and grab my bag, not because there was any rush to meet up but because the sun was beating through the glass making it slightly too warm inside. We decided to hang out at the park today as it is the definition of a perfect Spring day. We meet up here a lot and it used to be perfect, back when time felt more fluid and free rather than a stiff concept we run our lives around. We always meet right under this large oak tree somewhere in the middle of the park which is where I’m currently headed. It is a perfect spot we found a while ago making a perfect shady place complete with a backrest. I smiled just thinking about it. 

“Ryan wait up where are you off to in such a hurry?”

“I’m looking for a perfect picnic place?”

“We’re in a park, it's all nice can’t we just sit over there?” I asked, pointing to a nice open grassy area.

“No way crazy. There isn’t any shade over there. The sun might just kill us.”

I started laughing at his exaggeration, “Fine what about over there?” I said pointing at a group of trees, “you can’t say the sun will kill us over there.”

“You’re right I can’t.” He paused and looked at me with a smirk, “but the ground would. Do you see all those roots? So uncomfortable.” It was clear it was now a game between us. 

“By the pond?”

“Too many bugs.” 

“There?”

“Grass is too brown.”

“Over there?”

“The grass is too long. So, I repeat. Bugs.” I was laughing so hard and it continued on for a while until I finally just sat down.

“What would you do if I just stayed here and refused to move?” He made an act of inspecting the place I sat down at before plopping down on the grass next to me, hands behind his head and a smile on his face. 

“I would do this as this is officially the best place in the park.”

“Says who?” I laughed while lying down next to me.

“Why me of course.”

I sighed; he won’t be there. However, I can’t help but feel that this just might be the time. This might be the time I won’t have to wait. For once I won’t be able to use those hours to catch up on my work. I won’t be able to read a book to pass the time because today I won’t have any time to fill. A small smile comes to my face as I think that but deep down my brain knows better and sure enough, as the familiar oak tree comes into view, I notice a distinct lack of him. He is beyond late, again. I sigh once more and slowly shrug off my bag as I sit on the grass to begin my apparently very special waiting game. I’ve gotten in a habit of bringing stuff to do so I don’t have to just sit and count the minutes. That’s what’s in my bag, projects and assignments. The ones that have to be done eventually making this as good a time as any to get them done, but I don’t feel like it today. Instead, I just lie down in the grass and stare up at the sky, watching the clouds as they just float by.

“That one looks like an elephant!”

“No way it’s totally a goose!”

“Ginny you’re insane it’s quite obviously an elephant just look at those ears.”

“No Ryan those are obviously the goose's feet.” I jokingly roll my eyes.

“And now I see the goose, dang it!” He fake pouted as I had won again. I don’t know if he just saw things I couldn’t or if I was better at describing what I was seeing or maybe he just pretended to see the goose but either way I was winning our little game for sure. There was a huge smile on my face, I can’t help it. I like to win. I turn to him to point out a cloud that looks like a tree to see him just looking at me with a soft smile on his face.

“What are you doing?” I asked him with a hint of laughter still in my voice.

“I love you Ginny.”

And at that moment my heart stopped. I’ve heard that a lot can happen with those few words, but I’ve never experienced them myself. “I love you too Ryan,” and I meant it. I really did.

I pull myself out of my memories. I have things I need to get done and there’s no time like the present. I pulled my bag over to me while sitting up and getting comfortable, leaning up against the oak tree. I was about to open my bag when a bird flew down and landed near me and me being stuck in my current stage of sentiment couldn’t help but remember when I first met him.

I was sitting on the wall outside my chemistry building enjoying the day as fall was just about to turn to winter but it was being just stubborn enough that it was sticking around longer than it should have been. No one was complaining. I was finishing up my homework for the day and decided I had to stay out and enjoy the beautiful weather longer and started people watching instead. It’s a common enough pastime for me. There weren’t many people around as it is a common hour to have a class but there were enough. I saw some walking to their next class, some talking to their friends and some just listening to music. I saw the nearby art students drawing the walkways and buildings. It happens every semester around this time. That class isn’t exactly original. I even saw a group of skateboarders trying out some new tricks and simply hanging out. One of the skateboarders actually rode right past me and was just about to try to execute this one trick that it looked like he was trying to perfect when a bird flew out of nowhere and ran right into his face causing him to fall down on his ass. His shocked face was priceless. I have a hard time controlling my laughter and couldn’t help but burst out laughing at that moment because it’s not every day you see someone attacked by a bird. He looked towards me as I was covering my mouth trying to muffle my laughter, but it just wasn’t working for me. He picked himself off the ground, kicked his skateboard up, and walked over to me.

“I just want you to know that that was planned and supposed to happen.”

“Oh really?” My humor and disbelief are very apparent in my voice.

“Oh yeah totally. That’s actually my pet bird Francis and I’m training him to do that.”

“You’re training a bird to make you fall on your ass?” I ask pointedly.

“Well, maybe he needs a little more training.” He trailed off

I laughed again, “Well tell Francis thank you because that was hilarious, and I needed that after the test I just had.”

“Oh no, I couldn’t possibly tell him that! His ego is already too large and then I’ll never get him trained properly.”

“Well in that case, definitely don’t tell him.” I laughed, “but I best be going as I have a class coming up,” I said as I looked at the time.

“Well that’s a bummer but um before you go, would you like to um go out sometime?” He asked nervously.

“Oh. You’re funny and all but we don’t even know each other. I don’t even know your name.” I replied awkwardly as no one has ever asked me out without even knowing my name before.

“That’s what the date would be for. To get and know one another. Plus, we’re actually in the same literature class, I’ve seen you around. I actually came over here to try and impress you, but the bird ruined my plans….” He trailed off, obviously embarrassed. I felt bad for him and he was cute and funny, so I thought I’d give him a shot.

“Well, I still don’t know your name.”

“Ryan.” He said practically shoving his hand at me to shake.

“Ginny.” I said laughing, “Well I suppose you better put your number in here,” I said handing him my phone, “if you have any hope of figuring out if I’m available later.” His smile was so large and genuine I realized right then this very well could go somewhere.

Gosh, that was three years ago. We have had some really good times together. My phone dinged and knowing it was him making another excuse for his absence I ignored it. I don’t care anymore if he got held up at work, or his car broke down, or he put the wrong time in his calendar, eventually you just come to terms that they are just excuses and he won’t be here for a bit. Granted it’s his fifth text today so he should be here within the next half hour, hopefully. I’ve long since had to cancel any and all plans that fall on the same day as his dates. It’s hard to plan things around our dates when the start time is so iffy. I even have him pick the date and time, but nothing works. It has gotten a bit tiresome. I've missed out on some other fun times because of it. He used to be very punctual, I don’t know what happened, but I’ve come to terms that it just is who he is. It hasn’t been all bad. We’ve had some great times that we were only capable of having because he showed up late, like when we went stargazing, or accidentally joined a rave, it really has been fun.

My phone dinged again, which was odd because it was so close to the last text I had gotten so I picked it up to actually see what was happening.

12:45 – Hey babe! SOO excited to see you soon

Ryan

1:15 – I’m so sorry I know I said I’d get better at the late thing but I was so excited to get there on time and spilled my drink running out of the office and had to clean it up

Ryan

2:00 – Babe I’m terrible but I swear I’m coming. I was about to leave when there was a huge fiasco with Kevin messing up a bunch of stuff at the office and my boss needed me to stay late.

Ryan

2:30 – I love you I’m coming I swear. Getting in the car as I type this

Ryan

3:15 – I was picking us up some food and the line was INSANE but I got the food

Ryan

3:18 – I’m here and I got your favorite burger, see you soon

Ryan

3:20 – Ok see you soon then

Ginny

I looked up, if he got me my favorite it means he feels bad, and honestly, he should. I shouldn’t have to play this game all the time. I shouldn’t have to put everything on hold. 

I see him walking in the distance and I can already see that he’s nervous.

“Hey, I am so sorry this happened again.” He said handing me my food and I could tell he was being completely sincere. He did feel bad that he had kept me waiting again.

“It’s fine,” I said without even getting up, I’m just so damn tired.

“Really though I know it sounds crazy but this time I swear they weren’t excuses I really did get hung up; everything went wrong that could have gone wrong.”

I sighed and looked at him with my tired eyes, “So this time wasn’t, what about the other times?” I asked. I hadn’t meant to confront him today, but he’s given me a lot of time to think about it all, and my conclusion? I’m tired.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I'm not lying to you, honestly. I’m not cheating either if that’s what you’re thinking. I love you Ginny and I can be better.”

I gave a quiet short chuckle, “I never thought you were cheating on me. If I did you would have heard about it.” I paused thinking if it was really time for me to continue this conversation. I love Ryan, really, I do, I’m just done waiting around. I’m done missing out on my other life with my other friends and coworkers because of one guy. A guy I love yes, but a guy who no longer fits me. “Ryan, I don’t want to change you, because I do love you. We’ve had some amazing times.” I smile thinking back on our relationship, “but I just can’t continue waiting for the rest of my life. I didn’t need to be your priority at every second of the day, but on occasion it would have been nice to have been prioritized above getting the car washed or going back for another thing of fries. Some of your excuses hurt me Ryan, because they’re over the smallest things that don’t matter. I would rather have been with you then have had fries. I’d rather have been with you than be seen in a clean car. I love you Ryan, but I’m done waiting around and being so far down the list fries are above me. I’m sorry. I’ve tried. I cancel everything on days we hang out just so I know we can hang out at some point that day. I’ve missed out on a lot. I’m sorry but I think this has to be the end of our story.”

“But Ginny I love you!”

“And I love you too Ryan but it’s just not enough.”

“I can do better; I am trying to do better.”

“You’ve said this all before Ryan. You’re not changing. You care about the little things in life and that’s fine, just not for me, not right now.”

“Please! Ginny just one more shot please!” He was crying now, and I think I was too.

“Ryan I’m just too tired. Goodbye. It was good.” I grabbed my things swiftly and began walking back to my car.

I’m going home. It’s time to press play on my life again but that is a task for tomorrow. First, I’m going to sleep. Tomorrow the clock can restart. Tomorrow I’ll finally be finished with this waiting game.