Trigger Warning: the following story contains subjects such as: depression, suicide, etc.
Worthless. Ungrateful. Stupid.
The wind was caressing her face as she looked over the city, pondering on different things.
Would she, or would she not?
She admired the city lights that fought with the darkness surrounding it. The sun had gone down a few hours ago, but despite the dark circles around her eyes and the feeling of tiredness, she couldn’t sleep.
Her mind was a war zone and her heart was the victim. Memories flashed before her eyes, making her squirm with uneasiness. Things weren’t supposed to go this way.
A shiver ran down her spine, reminding her that she was not in the past, but the present. She noticed people walking in groups, having fun and laughing. Her mind went to her friends, and she felt calm as she knew they will be better after all of this was over.
She took a step forward as her mind started racing forward. She wanted to believe that selfishness was not a trait of hers, however this showed quite the opposite. In fact, her whole life seemed to be the opposite, but the thought that this one will be the last selfish decision she ever made comforted her.
With shaking hands, she looked behind her. She could still leave. There was still a chance to go back, go back to her apartment and apologize to her parents and get a new scholarship. Maybe she could even go back to therapy, and make it right—―
But she couldn’t. No matter how hard she would try, she wouldn’t make it. If anything, she would just lead on the people she loves with meaningless promises.
“It’s a bad day, not a bad life. It’ll all be better tomorrow!” People would say and no matter how good their intentions were, it didn’t help. Not for long at least, since every time she let herself believe those quotes, she always got disappointed. The ‘tomorrow’ in which everything was better would never come and the bad day turned into a bad week, then a bad month and so on.
Her hair was brushing her face as the wind played gently with it. This feeling of freedom pushed her to make the next step, however she hesitated.
Is this really what she wanted? No, not by a longshot. She didn’t want to die or cause any more pain to the people close to her... but she did want peace. Peace from the intrusive thoughts and the constant feeling of dread that started as soon as she woke up.
Her fingers were shaking. She had imagined this moment before, but no scenario ever felt this way. Everything was real now, and if she took another step there won’t be any other do-overs, she won’t wake up after this and she won’t get to talk to anyone about her feelings again. This was not a scenario.
The young girl lifted her foot slowly, moving it over the edge. Behind it, she could see a few people that stopped walking and that were staring in her direction, but she dismissed them as she concentrated on her actions.
The building was 16 stories high, the girl noticed as she stared beneath her foot. The realization of just how tall the building was scared her a bit, but then it comforted her since it would certainly do the trick. At least her last decision won’t be a failure.
Sweat ran down her neck and down her back, making her shiver. The girl looked back at the door through which she entered, waiting for something.
A tear ran down her cheek. She had left 7 letters in her room, next to a family photo. Each one of these letters was directed towards a certain person, as she knew people would finally listen to what she had to say.
Two were directed towards her parents, telling them how she loved them and how she was sorry for everything she had done, and for what she was about to do.
Four of them were directed towards her friends, telling them to be happy and move on and apologizing for disappointing them.
The last one was for her past self. It was made more for her own peace rather than anyone else’s, but she still left it with all the other ones. She apologized for not being able to keep her promise and for disappointing her.
Another tear ran down her cheek.
Her heart was rapidly pounding against her chest as she was once again brought back in the present. It would all be over soon if she just took the step.
A siren could be heard in the distance as she noticed more and more people gathering around the building she was on. The girl may be a lot of things, but she could put one and one together. They were watching her, and have even called 911.
The attention turned her cheeks red. She knew she would attract some attention, she just didn’t know it will be this soon.
Suddenly, she heard the door being open slowly as a girl walked in. Her movements were slow and calculated, as if to not scare the other.
“Hey, I’m Jess. Can we talk for a bit?” Jess asked with big eyes.
“There is nothing to talk about.” Seline said as she turned her back on Jess.
Out of desperation, Jess yelled after her: “WAIT! I know things are tough right now, but it’ll help speaking about them.”
However much Seline wanted to turn around and accept the strangers offer, she shouldn’t. She had already caused a scene; she had already made herself the laughing stock of the city. There was no turning back now.
“I’m sorry.” The young girl said in a quiet voice before taking the final step.
Jess’s eyes widened as her knees buckled, but Seline didn’t notice that as the air now violently hit her body.
Memories of her and her family flashed before her eyes, making her tear up again. Time seemed to go slower than usual and so she took the chance to say her last words: “I love you.”
But her mind was still repeating the same words, over and over again
Worthless. Ungrateful. Stupid.