The most meaningful gift Of Love.

“Marry me,” I told him, suddenly. It was almost like an order, but the sentence held deeper meaning for us.

He stood there, his mouth wrapped in a warped frown unable to make eye contact with me. The cool September breeze blew across his face. His hair swiveled and he looked all the more handsome, so much younger. I admired him even after letting out a sentence that was too difficult for him to bear. He knew he had to face reality eventually, but he was not prepared to answer. I held his hand and entwined my fingers with his. I led him to the stone bench and made him sit.

“Can we talk about something else, nala?” He asked me without the slightest concern for what was going on.

“No, we have to discuss this, James. You just can’t slip away like that. You have to answer me.”

“But I am vulnerable. I can’t do this. I don’t want to spoil your life, nala. I beg you to leave me. You can’t put yourself in such a situation. Please try to understand.”

I could feel an ample amount of pain in his words, a pain that was taking him away from me. I wanted to erase that pain. I wanted to bridge the gap between us that was created by one fateful day in the past.

“But I love you…” my voice broke and against my will I started crying. Warm tears stinging my cheeks.

I felt sensitive beyond words. I needed him badly, but he was slowly breaking away from me.

I felt a reassuring hand on my shoulder. The next moment, he pulled me closer. He held me in a tight embrace. I felt the warmness radiating from his body. I buried my face deep into his chest and let my tears flow freely.

“nala, I want you to lead a happy life. If you choose to live with me, then you have to undergo all the suffering.”

“I am ready to undergo anything for you, James. I promise you that we won’t suffer. I will always keep you happy. We will have a beautiful life together. You won’t have any negative thoughts if I am with you.”

Immediately he pulled away from me. He stood up and spoke, “The situation is getting out of hand. I have no other way, nala. I have to leave you and move away.”

His words tore my heart into pieces. I could literally hear the sound of my breaking heart.

“But, James, I-I love you. I can’t leave you like this. I need you to share your life with me…”

He cut me short, “I love you, too, nala, but we are not meant to be together. I am very sorry. This is over. Please move on with your life and be happy, always. Never think about me. You would lead a life that is a thousand times better than your life with me. Do you understand?” He almost yelled at me.

“I…I…Please…” I stuttered, but he stormed off leaving me all alone.

The rains came down at that moment. My tears were engulfed in those raindrops.

“This is not my James…” I thought. I stood up and walked back home with an undefined emptiness weighing down on me. I began to reminisce about those days when I fell in love with Him, two years ago.

“Hey, meet my friend James. He has joined as the new Geography teacher,” said Ladir, one of my colleagues in Touret Memorial School.

I looked up from my desk to see who it was. My heart skipped a beat for a second. I saw the most handsome man ever. His skin had a porcelain tone and his bright eyes seemed to exhibit positivity. His hair was neatly combed and his cheeks had dimples when he smiled. The manliness, which he emitted, was beyond description. I was so awestruck that I did not notice his hand, which he had extended for a handshake. I came back to my senses and gently shook his hand. My god! His touch sent vibrations throughout me. I withdrew my hand rather quickly and bent my face down in shyness. Anil was watching all my crazy expressions. He cleared his throat and spoke, “And this is nala. Mind her. She might bog you down with her Mathematics”. James chuckled. I glared at Ladir and flashed a warm smile at james. He smiled back and seated himself opposite me.

“nala… don’t get distracted. Concentrate on your work! Concentrate!” I warned myself, but I could not take my eyes off him. I slowly watched his mannerism. He had quickly made friends with two other male colleagues of mine. He began chattering with them. Soon, his exuberant nature got over him. He made friends even with a few female colleagues, excluding me. I didn’t know whether he felt the same way as I felt for him, but he avoided my gaze most of the time. He was glancing at me stealthily. I kept my face buried inside the problematic Maths book. Occasionally, I looked up to have a glimpse of him. It was at that time that I realized he was already watching me. We exchanged shy smiles and got back to work.

As days progressed, I developed a huge crush on him. I had never been attracted to any other male staff before. James was quite different. It was as if the entire world vibrated with his euphoric attitude. Oddly I noticed that he changed according to the seasons. When it was raining, he was his gloomy self, penning some poems on nature. When it was sunny, he loitered around the campus in a light-hearted manner, greeting anyone who came across him. Something about him was making me mysteriously attracted to him.

It was during the Teachers’ Day celebrations that I had a real conversation with him. I had worn my favorite Dress that obligated people to have a second look at me, but I wanted James to notice me.

“Hello, nala. Happy Teachers’ Day!” James' ebullient voice echoed through the staff room. There was none other than us. I felt elated at the thought of being alone with him.

“Wish you the same, James sir!” I broke into a smile.

“Well…You look like India.”

“What?!” I could not register his words.

“Geographically speaking, India is the only country which looks beautiful on the world map. So, that means you look like India, beautiful in the entire staff room.”

For a moment, I was debating whether he was flattering me or genuinely speaking his heart out.

“Thank you, james. And you are like Linear Algebra.”

“What? Is this some kind of a joke, nala?” Now it was his turn to be amused.

“Mathematically speaking, your handsomeness cannot be spanned by a finite basis of vectors.”

“Oh, my! Are you trying a mathematical pick-up line?” He twisted his eyebrows. The next moment, we burst out laughing. We connected intellectually, too. His laugh was like music.

By the end of the day, we exchanged our phone numbers and began our beautiful journey of love.

“nala…I can’t jump over the compound wall. It’s slippery. The rains have made it worse and I feel like puking. I have driven all the way from Ketti to Lovedale. The roads are not smooth and in addition to that, I have this queer indigestion, which gives me the creeps. And you are staying in a two-storied villa, which has a rather high compound wall….” James was roaring over the phone.

“Ha ha ha ha ha…” I laughed at his pitiable condition.

“There is nothing to laugh at. You come down.”

“I never asked you to jump over the compound wall, James. You thought you could act like Romeo, expecting me to be Juliet?” The words came out of my mouth in a flow. I bit my tongue for letting them out. I never wanted James to know about my feelings.

“What did you say, nala? I can’t believe…”

“Stop it, james! I am coming down.” I cut the call and climbed down the stairs quietly, without waking up my parents.

I met Rishabh outside the main gate. He was hiding something behind him.

“What is it, james? Show me.” I demanded.

“Wait for two minutes.”

I could not figure out what he was up to. I loved Rishabh’s childishness at times.

“3..2..1…Happy Birthday, james!” To my surprise, he was kneeling down with a bunch of Kurinji flowers in his hand.

“Th..Thank you so much, james!”. I was overwhelmed by his act.

“So, is that a yes?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t you understand what I mean?”

I knotted my eyebrows as though in confusion. I had a faint idea of what he was hinting at, but I did not want him to know that.

“I love you, nala.” Those magical words felt like honey to my ears. His voice reverberated through the shivering December night. I wanted to squeal in joy, but all I could do was smile at him shyly.

“You are smiling? Do you love me, too?”

There was no looking back. I have to confess to him, but I was too reticent to admit my feelings. I slowly opened my mouth to tell those three beautiful words.

“I…”

“Say soon, nala. I am dying to hear it from you.”

I cupped my hands across my face. Then, I ran over to him. I kissed him on his cheek and tried to escape. But he caught hold of my hands.

“Say it, nala. Please.”

I turned around. I closed my eyes and said, “I love you.”

“That’s cheating. Don’t tease me like this. Look at my eyes and say.”

I opened my eyes slowly. I locked them with him. For a moment, I was lost in my own thoughts. He shook me gently.

“I love you, James.”

“This is enough. I am yours and you are mine. We will remain inseparable,” he said, cupping my cheeks with his hand. Slowly he came over and placed a sweet kiss on my forehead. I didn’t want to let him go, but I was afraid that my parents would wake up.

“Bye, James. I must go. Let’s meet tomorrow in school.”

“Happy Birthday once again. I need Dairy Milk Silk chocolate tomorrow. I think you remember.”

I nodded. He let me go. I blew a kiss to him and entered my house. I had the best sleep that night.

He looked tense. My heart was wrenched to see him like that. Never in those three years had he appeared like that. Something was bothering him. He took a leave of absence from school that day. He entered the restaurant in which we had planned to meet. He failed to notice me. I was wearing his favorite pink dress, which he had presented to me. He did not even bother to compliment me. His eyes held a deep sorrow. He had a peculiar file in his hand.

“What is in that file, James?” I asked him, finally breaking the silence between us.

He did not answer me. He seemed to be in some other world.

The waiter brought our coffee and placed it on the table. I held James' hand. But he pulled away. My eyes filled up with tears instantly. My James never had behaved like this before. Something was bothering him.

“James, please look at me. What’s your problem?”

He passed over the file to me. I opened it anxiously. I took out something that seemed to be like a hospital report. My hands started trembling. I looked at him. He signaled me to open it.

Patient name: James olky

Age: 25

Diagnosed with: Cancer

Type: Acute lymphoblastic leukemia

I gasped and the report fell from my hands. I sat there like a rock unable to comprehend what I had read just then.

“I have only a few days to live.”

Those were the only words he spoke that evening.

I could not bear it. I stood up abruptly and ran out of the restaurant like a mad girl. I did not want to disturb that serene atmosphere with my wailing.

“James!” I exploded once I was safe in my room. I cried my lungs out. I hit my head against the wall and threw things all around. My parents were banging on the door, saying, “nala…What happened? Why are you wailing and throwing things?”

“Please go away…” I shouted back at them.

“Why should this happen to my James? What sin did he commit?” I cursed God for giving him such pain. It was then I realized that I had abandoned him in the restaurant. It was the time when he needed me the most. But I had just left him. I tried calling him. But he did not respond to any of my calls or messages. I felt miserable.

“My James needs me…” Another flood of tears broke from my eyes. I could not stop them. I was not able to sleep that night. I tossed around in my bed, completely filled with James thoughts. His painful words never left me.

The next day, I met him in a secluded place in our school. I stared hard into his eyes. He held a lot of remorse within himself.

“James…” I cried and hugged him. I melted in his arms.

“Please…leave me alone, nala.” He started crying.

“Dare you say it once again!” I burst out at him. “I will never leave you alone. You are my life, James. How could you say such words?”

“I am not your life anymore, because I don’t have a life.”

Those words hurt me a lot. Once again, I hugged him, “It’s just your mindset, james. Nothing is going to happen to you. Don’t be afraid of your life. I am there for you. I will be with you forever.”

“It’s very easy to say this, nala. You can’t live with a person suffering from a terminal illness. How can I assure you of your happiness? Life will be hell. I know it’s difficult for both of us, but we must do this. We must break away from each other.”

I felt an urge to slap him at that moment for his negative speech, but I controlled myself. “How could you speak like this, James? You have been the one who radiates positive energy all around. You are the one who always makes me smile."

“The doctor has clearly told me that the cancer is in the advanced stage and I am counting my days. Just think about your life, nala. You will be all alone after I die. For that, it’s better to separate now.”

There were a few moments of silence. I bit my lip and entered into deep thinking.

“james…let’s get married,” I told him, finally.

“nala, meet me in Blue Hills restaurant.”

I read the message a thousand times. It was unbelievable. He finally talked to me after he had walked out on me. I dressed up quickly and met him in the restaurant.

“How are you, darling?” he asked me with a tinge of sadness in his voice.

“Do you even know me, James? How can I be fine without you? It was so easy for you to leave me on that day, but I have been miserable from that day. Look, I can’t be happy without you. Live with me, James. I will show you the true meaning of life.”

“But it would be a sin to marry you, nala. How can I spoil your life knowingly?”

“You are not going to spoil my life. I promise you, we will be happy. I have talked to the doctor about your treatment. He said though it’s acute, he will try his best. Please have hope, James.”

He entered into a deep trance. I did not disturb him. I let him dwell in his own thoughts.

After a few seconds, he said, “Let’s get married, nala. I too have a life and I want to spend it with you, however short that life might be.” He smiled at me.

“Thank god! I have been dying to see this smile, James.” Tears of joy streamed from my eyes as I held his hands.

“I need to give you the best gift till the end of my life. The gift of love.”

“Mom, take me out for a walk, please.” Cory pleaded.

“Will you be quiet without pestering me for chocolates and ice cream?” I asked in a childish tone.

“Yes, mom, I promise.”

I took him out for a short walk. He enjoyed the cool weather and I sang his favorite rhymes to him. Without Cory, my life would have been incomplete. He made my life cheerful and he was solely responsible for my existence.

“Mom! Let’s sit on that bench.”

I turned around to see the same stone bench where I had bitter experiences. But I didn’t want to upset my son. We walked over to it. He was surprised to see the lavender hue beside the bench.

“These flowers look so beautiful, mom!” he exclaimed.

“These are Kurinji flowers. They bloom once in twelve years, only in Nilgiris.”

“Did dad give you these flowers? I saw a bunch of dried ones inside your diary.”

I was dumbstruck. He brought me back James' memories. I smiled thinking about the days I spent with him. He had indeed taken a good decision to marry and live with me till the end of his life. He gave me the best gift-love and Cory. I smile softly at My Child. A precious gift.