COMING BACK HOME

Sunsets always had me thinking about my whole life, my decisions, my what ifs, my choices, and the things that I shouldn't have done.

But I would say find a person that is as good as my friend or psychiatrist. Who understands you and knows what to say as most psychiatrists do but, my friend over here can dispel all negativity from you, your thoughts, your actions about anything anytime.

So, right now it's just one hour before sunset and apparently, in one of the many sessions I had told him that I have this thing against sunset. I had said and he quotes that " old folks or orthodoxly thinkers say that one shouldn't watch the sunsetting, rather we should watch it rise as it gives us all the positive energy for the rest of our day and keeps us energized". This was said to me when I was like 9 years old, when we were on the beach and I had said to wait for a few more minutes to watch the sunset. So this was rooted in my mind since then.

So, the reason I've been having sessions with the psychiatrist is because, 

one: I've had a breakup, that's probably 2 years ago and as I said my family is an orthodox family so they want me to get married as soon as possible now because I've been aging like other normal girls and have already reached the age of 25. 

Two: I am kind of lost on what to do. I have a goal for the future that I am busy preparing for now but right now at this moment I don't know if I can continue as normally it happens when you have a dream  you'd like to achieve. Just the difference is everything's piling up and it seemed like I would break down anytime to my friend so he suggested I do a couple of sessions and today it was my last session for which he decided to do something different for it and honestly I can not deny that the sessions didn't help me.

My psychiatrist he is a middle aged man having a past that would sadden one for a much longer period of time but as he is psychiatrist he is pretty good at handling emotions and had surprisingly done so well it was unimaginable, emotions that are sometimes so intense that a person who is not good at controlling them would have had a effect on it for a long time may be for life. As a friend he was willing to share it with me with the reason that he needed someone who he could talk to it about it and said that he could trust me with his past a she felt more of a connection than a friend at that time I didn't really pay attention as I was in a relationship but I remember I felt pretty good knowing he trusts me and is able to open his heart to me, knowing that I mattered to him gave me warmth that I may have never felt previously.

That was the sole reason I had agreed for the 'talk' therapy as he likes to call it because apparently according to his diagnosis I didn't have any mental illness that needed drugs to calm my mind I just needed someone who could listen to me and understand me at the same and support me in my decision that I'd take after my sessions because again he had said "this would clear your mind from all obstacles and help you make a decision that you would not regret, thinking that you should have first understood what you wanted."

Hence, here we are, for the last session on the beach sitting and waiting for the sun to set and have the last knot in my mind to be opened as he says.

He had already prepared everything for the sitting arrangements and things to do while we wait for the sunset. Well this is something that he likes to call "setting" for his session that would make one so comfortable to the environment that they don't hesitate to open their heart.

He had told me that anything can be beautiful as long as we want it to be seen from the perspective of it being beautiful and I had to agree because secretly I felt that he was also beautiful with those weird chubby eyes and nose but he didn't know about it which was good.

"You know that in the last whole hour we were here the sky has made so many different paintings, the reason being the sun is about to set to let the beautiful white moon do the wonders for the rest of the night and cool off every individual's mind with the calmness it brings and shielding us from the scorching sun so that we could sleep and do our things coolly in the night time."

This made so much sense like his every other logic and talks we've shared and I couldn't help but agree by nodding my head.

"Old folks didn't usually wait for their 'the one', maybe because they didn't have a choice, as earlier tradition and society was the most important aspect we can say for the living at that time and just maybe there were some lucky, rebellious or stubborn people who were adamant to marry their 'one' could find happiness, but it was the effort and sacrifice of these people which led to today's independent type of thinking which let us choose and wait for our 'the one'. Sure we make mistakes, we misunderstand but that's our choice.

Suddenly he got up and went down on his knees and said "Today I made my choice to make my 'one'."

I could see him taking a deep breath,  which had me hold mine, leading to lightheadedness which probably wasn't good at this moment, because I still needed to say yes to this unexpected proposal, but, there was this nagging feeling that I shouldn't be hasty about this and as if god wanted to help me at that moment, he had my mother calling me which obviously broke the moment with the incest ringing of the tune I had specifically given to my mother for urgency, so giving him an apologetic smile I went a little far and saw him still kneeling there waiting for me to return, hastily I picked up the call and before i could say anything I heard my mother crying on the other end and asked her to calm down and tell me what happened because I couldn't make the the words from her crying and thank fully she did and told me

 "Remember we were looking for your elder brother" 

I was a little shocked not because I knew not I had an elder brother but the suddenness of the question from my mother about this topic without waiting for my reply she answered her own question saying excitedly 

"we found him " 

and yes, another shock, the brother we were trying so hard to find for the last 20 years suddenly we find him and then the remaining of my mother's sentence had me fall from the dizziness which was 

"That psychiatrist friend of yours Dr.Mathew that you are with right now he is your elder brother, quickly bring him home and don't tell him anything I'll tell him myself"

These were the exact words of my mother, and apparently my friend, now my 'elder brother' noticed I wasn't feeling well, came to me and took my phone from me asking my mother the exact same question that had me feeling dizzy.

"what happened?" 

It seemed like my mother couldn't wait and told him everything and he had the same reaction as me but a little more stable than me. At least he could tell my mother that we will be back soon all the while looking at me.

Guess the nagging feeling did take place after all. 

And surely after the sunset a new bright night began and a day was about to begin as we made our way to my (our) family.