THE GUILT INSIDE

The room was in total silence as the doctor examines the boy. This time, everyone held up to the hope that he was going to wake up and play ball with his big brother like they used to. It has been six months since he went into a comma and the doctors seemed to have given up the treatment.

“So doctor, how is he today?” John asked nervously expecting a different answer this time around.

“Same as yesterday Mr. John. Your son’s condition does not seem to get any better. I advice you get a nurse who will be able to watch his progress daily. I have a few I can recommend to you if you would like.” Doctor Marvin could see the defeat on their faces after what he had told them.

“Isn’t there anything else we could do doctor? Is there any other procedure we could do for him?”

“We have done all we could Mrs. John. All we can do is observe and hope for the best for your son.” The already sad middle aged woman started crying as she looked down at his son who was on the bed unconscious, with tubes running up and down from his wrists to the bag holding a colorless liquid. She has always felt guilty for what had happened to her son and the pain of a mother seeing his beloved son fighting for  his life tore her aching heart apart.

“I will be taking my leave now. Ooh and don’t worry about the nurse Mrs. John, I will send one tomorrow. She will be perfect for the job.”

“Thank you doctor. I will see you out.” Mr. John escorted the young doctor to the door but before he left, he tried talking to him and see if there is a slight chance he could save his son.

“Listen Mr. John, your son is not doing well and the only way to save his life is to perform a heart transplant. You need to find a donor as soon as possible.”

“We have tried that already but no one was a match.”

“Then you need to try harder Mr. John. I will take my leave now.” All this was like a timeless nightmare in John’s family. It was like a dark cloud had been cast upon their house. The once happy, mischievous, kind and loving boy was now one foot on the grave, depending on a miracle to save him from the clutches of death. It was not easy for the family to cope with the sadness that was now their life, most especially Dylan. He was ten years old and the only friend and brother he knew was Michael. Michael was six years old but he was the smart one. He would always help Dylan solve puzzles and sometimes help him with his homework. Dylan was always Michael’s protector especially from bullies at school but this time it was different. Dylan could not protect Michael from his heart ache. This made him really sad that he started failing at school and fighting with other kids.

“Will he wake up soon, daddy?” Dylan sat on his father’s lap looking at the fire burning at the fire place. John couldn’t help but feel pity for his son. He had tried reading his brother’s favorite books, singing him songs they created while playing together, he even prayed everyday for him, but he was still deep in sleep. He was too naive to understand what had befallen his only brother.

“He is going to be OK son. Someone just created a hole in his little heart and the good doctor is going to fix it.”

“Why hasn’t he yet?”

“Because we are still waiting for that one super hero to came and helps us replace the hole in his heart.”

“A super hero like superman daddy?”

“Yes son, like superman.”

“Superman always makes everything better. You know what daddy?”

“Yes son?”

“When I get much older, I want to be like superman so I can always save Michael and we would play together again.”

“You will son and a great one.” John was not the one to show emotions but he could not help but hug his son and shed some few tears.

“Don’t cry daddy. Everything is going to be OK right?”

“Yes, things are going to get better.”

The morning knocked as the sun greeted the sky from the East. It was that time of the day to say good morning to the neighbors with a smile on the face and a cup of hot smoking coco on the hand. It was a beautiful day that was to change the John’s family for the better or worse. Veronica was already up preparing some breakfast for her family when she had a knock at the door. She had wondered who had honored her with a visit this early in the morning but then she remembered doctor Marvin was to send over a nurse to take care of Michael.

“Halo. Come on in!”

“Halo to you too. Mrs. John right?”

“You can call me Veronica. Have a sit.”

“Thank you. Sorry that I came this early. I hope Doctor Marvin had informed you that I will be here?”

“Yes he did. Care for some coffee?” She shouted as she headed for the kitchen to finish preparing Dylan’s school lunch.

“No thank you.” She replied back with the same energy.

The living room was really cozy and looked inviting and homely. The scent of fresh flowers dominated the air that was swiftly breezing through the two large windows. Lucy was looking around when she spotted a family picture which was hanging on one of the walls.

“That was the last vacation we went before Michael’s accident. He had always wanted to go to the beach. He was really happy when he saw the ocean, the sand and the waves. Do you have any kids Miss…uuuhhmmm….”

“Miss Lucy and no I don’t have any kids.”

“Well my husband will be down in a minute. Just make yourself comfortable.” Lucy placed the picture back to its rightful position and went back to her seat. The sadness in Mrs. John’s wife never went unnoticed. She was trying hard not to cry but Lucy could see right through her blue glassy eyes.

“So how long have you been a nurse Lucy?”

“I have been a nurse for five years and I have worked at St. Patrick’s hospital for three years. I work in the pediatric department so I am good around children.”

“Impressive. So what made you take this job? Because I quite understand the working hours are not the same as the hospital and my son will require a lot of your time and attention.”

“My heart just told me this was the right thing to do. I know how painful it is for you to watch your little boy go through this and I just want to unburden the guilt I have.” Veronica was taken aback by the response. She wondered what Lucy meant by unburdening her guilt. Before she could open her mouth to question her, her husband entered the room. There was a white, blonde haired lady seated talking to his wife. He went over with a smile plastered on his face and greeted the women.

“Good morning ladies?”

“Oh let me introduce you to my husband. This is Mr. John and this is Lucy, Michael’s new nurse.”

“It is nice to meet you Mr. John.”

“It is nice to meet you too. You will find working here delightful.”

“Thank you. And who is that little man looking behind the door?” They all turned around to see little Dylan standing behind the kitchen door, possibly trying to figure out who was the woman smiling at him with her big set of bright white teeth and what is she doing here this early in the morning.

“That is my other son Dylan. He is Michael’s older brother.”

“Halo Michael. Don’t you want to come over and say halo?” Dylan was not good with strangers. Since Michael’s accident, he hasn’t really had the courage to be friendly with anyone. He quietly came out from his hiding and slow crawled on her mother’s lap.

“He will get used to you eventually.”

“Can I see Michael now?”

“Yes sure. Right this way.” Veronica led the way through the narrow corridor that led to Michael’s bedroom. It was dark and it had family pictures hanging all over the walls. Finally they arrived at a large brown door that stood at the end of the corridor.

“Here we are.” Veronica said as she lets the nurse into the room.

“Let me go and see off my husband. I will just leave you two alone.” Lucy couldn’t help but to let her emotions over take her. Warm tears formed two streams of rivers rushing down from her eyes to her cheeks. When she saw little Michael lying on the bed with tubes and machines around him, it was too much for her heart to bear.

“No one can know this now. It’s not time yet for them to find out. I have been looking for you everywhere and now that I have found you, I want to make things right. I didn’t really mean it. Please forgive me.”

“Lucy, are you OK?” Veronica walked in on a sad Lucy who was knelt down crying besides Michael’s bed.

“Humph, sorry. I just got carried away with my feelings. A child should never go through this.”

“Michael is really a special child. He was always happy and full of life. Nobody could resist falling in love with his cute smile and amazing personality. I am so happy they arrested the person who did this.”

“It was all over the news. I am so glad I have the opportunity to meet Michael.” The two women stayed there looking over Michael. Lucy was holding on to a burden he did not know how to unload. Nothing more she would have loved than to pay for her past mistakes. The forces of consequences and guilt were working against her but it was not the right time for her to share her burden with the John’s, at least not now that she had just met her heart’s replacement.

Two weeks flew by quickly as the John’s family still held on to hope that Michael is going to get better. Lucy had grown closer to Dylan and they were literally best of friends. Lucy was also a great help around the house. She would help with the house chores and run errands whenever she was free. Veronica really enjoyed Lucy’s company and she could depend on her for anything. Michael did not skip Lucy’s mind either. She was his number one priority. She spent most of her time in Michael’s room than any other place. It was so obvious that she was really attached to him, at one point she told Mrs. John that she saw Michael as a son. Everything went great in the household except for Michael’s health. His health was deteriorating and no matches had been found yet. This sent the family into limbo with nothing to do but wait for the heavens door to open and rain down some miracle.

It was a Monday morning and Lucy was to come back from her leave today. She was to take Dylan to school but she didn’t show up. John and Veronica were both worried as to why she did not show up to work this morning.

“Halo. Is this St. Patrick’s hospital?”

“Yes it is. Who am I speaking to and how may I help you?”

“I would like to ask if Miss Lucy showed up to work today. She was supposed to be looking after my son and she did not show up.”

“Sorry maam, but there is no Miss Lucy here.”

“Ok that is impossible! There is definitely a Miss Lucy there. She was recommended to us by Doctor Marvin.”

“No maam. There is no Miss Lucy at this facility. If you like I can connect you to doctor Marvin so you can talk to him and sort this out.”

“That will be nice.” Veronica could not believe what was happening. This was a person she trusted and welcomed into her home and made her feel like family, yet all she knew about her changed overnight. Who was she and what did she want with her family, especially Michael?

“Halo Mrs. John. How may I help you?”

“Halo to you too doctor Marvin. It is about the nurse you recommended to us, Nurse Lucy?”

“I am sorry but I did not recommend any nurse to you by that name. I was to send a nurse on Friday to check how Michael was doing.”

“This cannot be happening. A woman has been living in my house for the past two weeks pretending to be a nurse and no one knows who she is?” Veronica could not wait for the doctor’s response. The first thing she thought of was to check if her son was ok. Who knows what she could have done to him. She rushed right into Michael’s room only to find him same as always. She knelt beside his bed and started sobbing. It was too much for a mother to bear all this pain and betrayal from the one person whom she thought had her best interest at heart. As she was wiping away her tears, she spots an envelope hidden under Michael’s pillow. She quickly stood up and took it from underneath the pillow. It was from Lucy so she quickly opened it. The letter read like this:

‘Dear Mr. and Mrs. John,

I hope you do not hate me after you read this letter. I have been carrying this guilt for six months and it has been tearing me apart from the inside. I hope you still see me as a friend and someone who was once like a family to you and your kids. Ever since that accident happened at the park, my life has never been the same. On that day, I was rushing my ill son to the ER. He had gotten worse and he needed urgent medical attention. I was driving so fast that by the time I noticed the child in the middle of the road, it was too late. I did not have any choice but to speed away in order to save my son. When I got to the hospital, my son had already died. So yes Veronica, I had a son. He meant the world to me but he was diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of seven. I had taken care of him for the past two years until he could not fight no more. I know you have a lot of questions as to who I am. Well my name is Betty Ann. I was a nurse once until I gave it up for my son. That day Michael happened to be in the same hospital as my son so I managed to steal your information from Doctor Marvin’s office without anyone noticing. Before I do what I am about to do, I wanted to see Michael and ask for forgiveness. I did not mean to hit him and let another person take the blame. By the time you are reading this letter, I would have joined my son in heaven. After his death, I had nothing else to live for anymore. I want Michael to have my heart so he could start living again. He is still a little boy yet to live his story. I would not have forgiven myself if I took that away from him. My time is over but I hope you tell Michael about me because I will be watching over him from heaven. Until we meet again.

Love Lucy.

Veronica could not help her tears. She was out of words and could not figure out what do with this information so she decided to wait and see what her husband had to say. John arrived home to see a distorted Veronica deep in thought seated at the kitchen table. When he asked her what was wrong, his wife presented him with the letter. He went into a state of shock and he could not believe what had happen. This was the person who almost killed their son, who they considered a friend. And she was right there under their noses. What were they to do?

It has been four months and everything in John’s family was going better than before. Betty Anne’s heart was a match to Michaels. The transplant was successful and Michael was back running again with his brother. The family decided to forgive Betty Ann and she made up for all her mistakes by giving Michael another chance in life. The John’s family visited Betty Ann’s grave once in a while and they would tell the kids all about Lucy. Things seemed to have fallen into their rightful place and they got their peace of mind.

“Do you thing I am going to meet her, mummy?”

“She is watching over you baby. She promised me she will always protect you.”

“Do you think she is here right now?”

“Yes she is Michael. She is right here beside us.” And indeed she was. She sat right next to Michael with her child in her arms. She was so happy; too bad no one could see her. The breeze was flowing in all directions and the flowers were just extra beautiful on this day. They were all happy and enjoying themselves, including Betty Ann.