The Little Mermaid

Hilde never knew a real-life someone could be so beautiful. 

The way Julie’s tousled black hair swayed whenever the wind came through the library window, all feathery and soft. How the mid-morning sun reflected against the smooth skin of her cheekbones. Or how her winter-gray eyes remained so terribly focused on whatever passage of The Anthology of Works by Hans Christian Andersen she was reading. 

She looked like something straight out of a painting. How else could someone look so perfect?

Resting her head on her arms, Hilde continued to shamelessly stare at her best friend, having long since forgotten her biology notes. She pondered if somehow, she could freeze time like this. Just for an hour, maybe two, so she could admire the girl to her heart’s content.

Then Julie’s head turned her way, and Hilde had to jerk her gaze somewhere else. But Julie seemed to have noticed. 

She always did. 

“You’re going to stare a hole through me,” Julie teased, closing the book. Hilde slowly sat up straight, her eyes trained on her friend’s hand. She’d never noticed how delicately Julie grasped a book, “I’ll think of it as a compliment, though” She flipped his hair back and smiled playfully.

Hilde swallowed, “What chapter?” She asked, nodding at the book. 

“I’m on chapter 13, the analysis on The Little Mermaid. But, y’know, the original tale. Not the Disney version. Kind of depressing, in my opinion.”

“Elaborate.” Hilde leaned in. 

“Well,” Julie rubbed his hands together, and Hilde couldn’t help but chuckle, “Little Mermaid goes up to the surface for the first time, sees a drowning prince and falls instantly in love,” She placed a hand on his forehead, swooning like a damsel and leaning back on his chair, “Because y’know, there’s nothing sexier than a dying person.”

A ghost of a smile formed on Hilde’s lips as Julie continued, “So she makes a deal with a sea witch, gets her legs and all that—but there’s a catch. First, everytime she walks, she feels like she’s walking on glass,” She held up two fingers, just inches from Hilde’s face, “Number two, she turns into seafoam if she can’t get the prince to fall in love with her. Or something like that. ”

While Julie droned on about the prince marrying another girl, and how that really tied in the theme of love and self-sacrifice, Hilde began getting lost in the other’s voice again. Its highs and lows, the stutters Julie sometimes had when she got a little too excited. Hilde didn't even care that they were being loud in a library, “How does it end?”

“Glad you asked. Little Mermaid gets a choice: she can stab the prince and undo her spell…or die. She chooses the second one because, well, she wants him to be happy,” She scratched the back of his head, “Like I said. Depressing. One more reason to not like the sea, I guess.”

Hilde nodded wordlessly, her bangs falling into her eyes. Without missing a beat, Julie brushed them back.

They both froze for a second, staring at each other in silence, and for a moment, the words ‘I love you’ climbed up Hilde’s throat.

She swallowed it.

With a sudden grin, Julie rested her cheek against Hilde’s shoulder, “This is the part where you say ‘Cheer up, Julie’, or, y’know, continue the conversation?”

“Cheer up, Julie,” She repeated gently, tapping the other on the nose before standing up, “I’ll see you later.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hilde was in love with Julie. That much was clear. 

Once, while getting coffee with Julie, she’d caught her own reflection in a window, and realized she looked pained with all the longing written across her face. 

It was so obvious–agonizingly so– but still, Julie didn’t notice. At least, Hilde was fairly sure. Did she feel the same rush of excitement when they saw each other? Did Julie feel the same crushing disappointment when they had to cancel their plans? 

That afternoon, Hilde hand-picked a small bouquet of flowers  and spent the evening copying down quotes from Julie’s favorite books onto thin strips of paper. She could've typed them out–it would’ve saved her whole lot of time and effort, especially with her messy writing–but writing everything out by hand… it felt right.

“You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

“There is no happiness like that of being loved by your fellow-creatures, and feeling that your presence is an addition to their comfort.”

“…There is the heat of Love, the pulsing rush of Longing, the lover’s whisper, irresistible—magic to make the sanest man go mad.” 

One by one, she tenderly wrapped each slip of paper around the flower stems, grinning stupidly to herself as she imagined Julie reading these, one by one. She’d read them outloud, Hilde supposed, in her usual dramatic fashion, and then she’d laugh. That clear and lovely sound.

Hilde forgot to grab a scarf or jacket on the way out, so the autumn wind caught her by surprise. It didn’t matter though, since she didn’t feel cold at all. After making it to a wooden bridge overlooking a yellow pond, Hilde pulled out her phone and called Julie before she could think twice about it. 

Julie answered in only two rings. 

“Hilde?”

“Julie. I…I need you to come to the park. Early.” She said, breathless, “Right now. Please.”

“Did something happen? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I just need you here.”

“Uh, okay, I’ll be there in a minute.”

Trying to calm her nerves, Hilde distracted herself by watching the ducks swim to and fro. What would Julie say? She wouldn’t turn her down, right? After all, she was the one flirting with Hilde all the time–even if she was only joking.

What Hilde wouldn’t give for all of those teasing comments to be genuine

She ran her finger across the cracked wooden railing, the end of her heel tapping rapidly against the bridge. What should they do afterwards? Take a stroll around the park? No, that was too cliche. They could go to a restaurant, if Julie was hungry. Her favorite place was just a ten minute walk from here, and though she’d technically reserved a place for tomorrow… special occasions called for special dinners, no? But if she wasn’t hungry, they could go–

“Hilde?”

She whirled around, hiding the bouquet behind her back, “Julie–”

Hilde’s grip on it fell slack.

Julie was there, with a pretty lace hairpin above her ear–the one Hilde had bought her for her last week. She was more dressed up than she’d ever been before, with a white blouse tucked into a sky-blue skirt. Her hair looked like it had been combed over, no longer bristling up against the wind. But that wasn’t the biggest difference.

There was a young man next to her, his arm intertwined with hers.

Why?

Why was he holding onto her like that?

Why was Julie letting him?

Why were they happy?

Why did this look so natural?

Why did Hilde want to cry?

“Hilde? Hello? Is everything alright?” Julie waved her hand in front of her face, but Hilde couldn’t compose herself in time. Following her gaze, Julie looked over to the man and laughed, “Oh, this is Charles. My…erm… can I call you my boyfriend?”

“Hm, I like the sound of that. Yes, yes you can.”

Julie turned back to her, beaming, “This is Charles, my boyfriend,” her smile faltered when Hilde didn’t respond, “...you still with me?”

Charles tugged on Julie’s coat sleeve, “Maybe she’s in disbelief that you’re willing to give a guy like me a chance,” he joked.

“Ah, yes. Me and my dashing good looks,” she joked back.

In any other circumstance, Hilde would’ve rolled her eyes playfully. Here, she merely looked away.

Charles didn’t do either.

He laughed and moved his hand onto Julie’s shoulder. She looked down at his grasp, pleasantly surprised.

With the backdrop of a setting sun against the red-orange leaves, the two of them could’ve been the centerpiece of a painting.

Suddenly, Charles took a step towards her, “Pleasure to meet you, Hilde. Julie told me all about you on the way here.” He held out a hand.

Hilde didn’t take it.

A look of nervousness passed by his face, and he glanced back at Julie, who furrowed her brows and walked up next to him, “Sorry Charles, she’s a little shy,” She explained, nudging her foot against Hilde's.

Slowly, Hilde raised her hand and gave Charles’s a quick shake, “Nice to meet you too.” Her face lit up, and Julie’s did too.

“So, why’d you call me here?” Julie said, slinging an arm over Hilde’s shoulder. Her eyes traveled down to where the bouquet lay, “Hm? What’s this?”

Shit.

Hilde wanted to kick the entire thing into the pond, but she was too late. Julie held the bundle out to inspect it, confused.

Then her eyes widened with a sudden realization, and she snapped his gaze up to Hilde, demanding an answer.

No. No. No. Julie couldn’t know. Hilde couldn’t lose her entirely. But what other possible explanation could she give? All she could do was shake her head.

But then Charles spoke up, “Oh, were you going to ask someone out? Is this like a double date?” he looked at Julie, then to Hilde, “Is he here?”

Swallowing hard, Hilde shook her head again, “He canceled.” She quickly looked over to see Julie’s shoulders slump in relief. Or was that disappointment? She couldn’t tell.

Charles nodded sympathetically, “That really sucks. But you can stay with us! Right Jules?”

Jules. He called her Jules. That sounded so… wrong. Her name was Julie. Always had been. 

Julie, however, didn’t seem to mind, “Geez, no wonder you were pouting,” She made her way back to Charles’s side, a teasing grin making its way onto his face, “Don’t tell me you were jealous of me, Hilde. Well if you were, I don’t blame you.” 

She intertwined an arm with Charles’s and pulled him in tight, and Hilde instantly felt the need to rip apart the bouquet she’d made.

“Jules, don’t be mean.”

“Yeah, you’re right. You know I’m messing with you, right?” Julie reached forward and ruffled her hair, “Charles and I are getting ice cream from that place you showed me. You should come.” She then took her by the arm and began dragging her along. Hilde followed without much protest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While Julie was off ordering ice cream, Charles and Hilde stood silently with a considerable distance between them. Staring off into the horizon, Hilde was perfectly content with pretending that the other didn’t exist when Charles cleared his throat, “So… Julie says you’re her best friend.”

Hilde gave the barest hint of a shrug, still looking in the other direction.

“I’ve been wondering… what kind of things does she like?”

This made Hilde shift her gaze back onto him, a skeptical expression on her face, “Why?”

He shifted, crossing his arms. He looked fidgety, as if he was bursting with the need to start chatting away. Hilde wasn’t sure if she could stand it if he did, “It’s just, I don’t know. I want to surprise her with something spontaneous, I guess. She’s unlike any girl I’ve met, and…” he trailed off, sighing longingly, “...I’m scared to mess it up.”

“Is it still spontaneous if you plan it ahead?” came her answer. Her eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly, analyzing– no, scrutinizing –Charles from head to toe.

He really wasn’t anything special. Hilde saw people who looked exactly like him, who had the same shy, awkward mannerisms every single day. What does Julie see in you? She wondered, What do you have that I don’t have?

Then, he grinned nervously, evidently unsure of how to respond, and Hilde understood.

His damn smile. His warm, friendly aura. His clumsy wit and charm. 

The worst part was, Hilde couldn’t even hate him for it.

It occurred to him she could try sabotage. She could tell him to take Julie on a boat ride for their second date, knowing she’d get seasick and throw up at least twice. Or that she liked to go swimming at the beach in the morning, and eat seafood afterwards.

A part of her hoped that if she told Charles all of this, Julie would think they were wrong for each other, and she’d drop him like hot coal.

But that wasn’t right. It would also mean ruining Julie’s day so many times over.

“Julie likes to read,” Hilde began in a quiet voice, “Sometimes when she’s really into a book, she’ll read it out loud.” For some reason, the faintest smile began forming on her lips as she spoke, “Her favorite food is mac and cheese, so get her some every once in a while.” Was that all? If she had to, Hilde knew she could go on about Julie for days, “She also likes sleeping in. Plan evening dates.”

When she finished talking, she realized Charles looked like a student eagerly taking notes from his teacher, “Thank you so much, Hilde. I really like Jules… and I feel like this will help me give my best shot at this.”

Something inside her twisted at the thought of Julie believing she and Charles were perfect for each other, simply because now he knew all her preferences. Things only Hilde used to notice.

Julie came running up to them, an ice cream cone in each hand, “Here you go, Charlie,” She handed him strawberry ice cream before biting into her own, “You sure you don’t want any, Hilde?”

She shook her head, and Julie’s attention immediately snapped back to Charles, who nervously began, “Where do you want to go next? Back to the park? The movies?” It was as if each word was energizing him, “I mean, you want to hang out in my dorm? My roommates are out, and–”

Julie lifted a brow, “Woah there, Charlie, are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”

“No! I wouldn’t dare!” Charley began waving his hand frantically, “I mean, except if—no, no. That’s not what I meant. Unless…?”

The couple looked at each other in silence, then burst out in a fit of giggles, “Try a little harder next time, and maybe,” she teased back. 

Just then, a gust of wind swept through them, rustling Hilde’s hair.

As if on cue, Julie took off her hairpin and stood on her tiptoes to secure it onto Charles’s forehead, keeping his bangs back. She looked up at him, beaming, “Return this to me tomorrow?” She gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Yeah, tomorrow,” Charles said dumbly, and began walking away. He kept glancing back at Julie, however, a smitten expression was plastered across his face.

As the two girls made their way to their rooms, Julie went on and on about her day, “Isn’t he amazing? I didn’t know dating could be so…easy? Straightforward?” Shesighed, “Y’know, I was actually going to turn him down. But a friend talked me out of it—thank god, right?”

Hilde had never hated a stranger this passionately before.

“If I marry him in the future, will you be my bridesmaid?” Julie stared up at the moon and smiled that naive, amused grin that Hilde had come to love so much, “Weddings are always boring, but if he’s there, and you’re there–”

“No.”

That made Julie jerk her focus back to her, “Huh?” She frowned, inspecting Hilde with a worried look, “Are you good? You’ve been down today.” 

Hilde didn't respond, because all she could think about was how unfair of a request it was for Julie to make of Hilde.

She didn’t want to see Julie so happy.

She didn’t want to see Julie so happy with someone else.

Someone who wasn’t her.

That scared her. Because it was such a selfish thing to wish for. What was Hilde going to do anyway? Force Julie to like her better? Forbid her to be happy without her? If she and Charles had never met, Julie would’ve fallen for some other boy. Maybe this was the best case scenario. Charles seemed nice…he matched her energy… and he made her laugh…and smile…

“You’re talking about marriage after one date,” Hilde looked away, “I’m worried you’ll rush things.”

At this, Julie smirked and walked closer, “Two, actually, and it’ll be three dates soon. I’m going to ask him to see a movie tomorrow at seven. Romantic, right?”

“Very.”

Hilde didn’t bother to remind Julie that they’d already planned to read together again at the same time.