Speak Now

Speak Now

“Speak now…”

“I will.”

           The old preacher stopped speaking, not following his first two words with the finishing ancient but familiar line that ended with “or forever hold your peace…”  The young man who had shouted out his two words from the back had silenced him.

           Not many ministers say these words these days, but the preacher was very old fashioned and was well-known for including these potentially ceremony-threatening words before the mandatory “I now pronounce you man and wife.” He didn’t use the more modern and egalitarian ‘husband and wife,” too much of a traditionalist to change any of the old lines.  But now he was silent.

           After the young man spoke, there was a sharp intake of breath coming from the mouths of the many people who packed the pews of the old church. That was followed by silence, and shortly thereafter heads were turned to the entrance of the building to see the speaker stand up in the last row of pews, the one occupied by only one person.

           Almost everyone in the crowd recognized him as Rod, who had been in a long relationship with Rachel, the bride-to-be, lasting over a year and a half, but had split about six months ago for a reason that no one there but the two themselves knew. Now they suspected that she was the one that had called their relationship to a halt..

           The silence ended after the young man spoke the provocative words “You see the child that she is bearing is mine.” There was a second sharp intake of breath, combining to almost sound like a gust of ill wind, followed by many outbursts of a very loud, “NO!!!!”.

           Rachel’s brother Dave stood up, and looked like he was ready to go to the back of the church and perhaps literally kick the offensive Rod out of the building. The father of the bride grabbed Dave by the shoulder, and pushed his son back into a sitting position. A church was no place for a fight, no matter how obnoxious Rod was being.

           Ronald, the husband-to-be did not even try to make such a move. He just stood with his mouth open, looking at Rachel as if he believed it possible that his wife-to-be had recently had sex with her former boyfriend in order to get pregnant. His sexual swimmers had not been able to make it all the way to where they could fertilize an egg. He had worried about her returning to her former boyfriend when this problem was first revealed to them at the clinic. Was his nightmare coming true?

A Piece on the Relationship History of Rod and Rachel

           Rod and Rachel had been ‘madly in love’ as they told everyone when they first got together, and it certainly seemed to reflect truth to the inquisitive eyes and ears of friends, family and other observers and listeners. There was only one problem in their relationship, and it had been a big one. Rachel very much wanted to have children. Rod, on the other hand, did not.  He felt that they would get in the way of his work. He was a highly paid accountant who was grossly overworked by the company that employed him. Much of his work had to be done at home after the official ‘workday’ was done. His boss would take no excuse for figures not calculated in time to meet the stringent deadlines he set. Children would get in the way of his getting work done.

           So Rod was rather desperate not to have children. Not only did he use a condom whenever possible, but he also snuck birth control pills into the coffee that he made for her every morning. She witnessed that act one day when she got up earlier than usual. She felt then and there they had to break up as a couple.  It wasn’t just about the absence of children, although that was decidedly a factor. It was also the dishonesty and sneakiness that disgusted her.

           Then Rod spoke again, as if Rachel was the only one in the building, completely ignoring all of the others. 

           Conversation started up in every part of the church. But the preacher, stunned by Rod’s story, remained silent. This was beyond anything he had ever experienced.  Everyone who had been staring at Rod now turned their heads towards Rachel, to see what her reaction was going to be.

           Rod’s story was not completely true, and Rachel was sure of that. So, like Rachel was talking to a dog, she pointed to the exit and said “Go now”.   He stomped out, not wanting to have anything to do with Rachel or their child.

Two Months Earlier

           Rachel and Ronald had been ‘trying’ or ‘working on’ having a baby, two expressions that take a lot of the fun out of sex. They had no luck. So they went to have their respective fertilities tested, and, while she was very fertile, Ronalds swimmer couldn’t travel the distance to reach their intended destination. The word the doctor at the clinic had used was that his sperm was “unlikely’ to fertilize her ovaries. She tried to tell Ron that unlikely was better than impossible.

           She knew he didn’t want her to go back to the clinic and receive more potent sperm from a donor. Ronald would feel disgraced.

           Rachel had heard from friends that Rod was not in a relationship at the moment, and she knew from her time with him where he hung out on Friday nights. He was a creature of habit. Rachel had a cousin, Sheryl, who several times had tried to steal Rod from her when the two of them were still together. She just went for good looks in a man, didn’t care about anything else, certainly not personality. And Rod was certainly good looking. 

           She called her cousin and straight out asked her “Do you want to have sex with a good-looking man this Friday night?” Cheryl replied with the expected “I sure am”. She was even more interested, if that were possible, that the good looking man would be Rod.

           “Here is my plan. You meet him at the bar. Tell him after a suitable time that you want to have sex with him, and then take him to your place. When you arrive there give him a condom to use. When the business is done, take it off of him, and throw it in the garbage. Tell him that you have to go to work early Saturday morning, so he will have to leave right that instant. Then when he leaves, put it in warm water so that the sperm will still be potent. Call me. I don’t live far away, and I will fertilize myself with a kitchen tool that I reckon can do the job.. How does that sound?”

           Sheryl agreed and the plan was performed as organized. Rachel became pregnant.

           About a month later Sheryl was walking down main street when someone grabbed her hard from behind. It was Ron. He asked what she was doing that night. His almost violent approach made her instantly angry. So she told him why she had sex with him the last time, also, foolishly telling him that Rachel was now pregnant from his sperm.

           He was gob-smacked, and wanted to put the thought out of his mind. But then he heard about the wedding. Maybe his appearance there might give him a second chance with his ex-girlfriend.

The End

           The preacher finally got to say “or forever hold you peace,” which was soon followed by “I now pronounce you man and wife.” The audience sighed audibly and then all stood up and cheered, especially Sheryl, who had just realized that getting involved with Rod would be a bad idea. She also vowed that although she was technically not the child-to-be’s aunt, she would be a great aunt to the child. But first she would have to apologize to her cousin.

           Ronald hugged his wife with all the strength in his arms. It was not so much an act of forgiveness to his wife, but kind of an apology to her for what he had briefly thought. He had heard many a damning story about Rod, and knew that the man never wanted to have children. Plus, he was convinced, rightfully, that his wife would not have had sex with her ex. 

           Rachel returned the strength of the hug, glad that her husband had not believed what Rod had so boldly declared. Their child would only have one father.