Emotion(less)

I looked into the hitchhiker's eyes, this would be one hell of a ride.

Why do people kill? Well, that's a loaded question. Your average killer is either probably an inbred lunatic or a psychopath with mommy issues. I'm neither. My name is Jack, and this is why I kill.

Let me take you back to the time I first time I felt ... homicidal. I was 4 years old and a spider crawled up my arm. Naturally, like most people, I hate spiders. So, I crushed its exoskeleton. That was the first time I purposely killed anything. I know, boring right? The truth is, it's in all our blood to kill for survival. It's hereditary. But killing for recreation probably isn't unless you're a cannibal. Personally, I still can't find a corpse appetising, but maybe it's just an acquired taste. Secretly we all lust for some violence. Why do you think people look at car crashes, watch the news, or watch horror movies? Because in small amounts brutality is thrilling. Yet again, there is a big difference between a dead body and that car collision on 97 (hopefully they got good insurance). What I'm getting at is, it's in our nature to kill whether you accept it or not. So, keep that in mind as I continue.

Now let me explain how exactly I got into this mess. I noticed about five years ago that something was changing inside me. I couldn't feel anymore. At first is was gradual. I wouldn't shit my pants every time my boss yelled at me, or get mad when I was screwed over. I stopped grieving my recent brother's death which completely changed me. I didn't think much of it at first even though it was a little unnatural for me. Three years passed and this numbness progressively got worse. I became psychopathic, though I have to admit it worked in my favour. I stopped taking shit from people. Obviously they liked me less but I didn't care. I was becoming successful. I attained a powerful position at my job because of my attitude. But one night something happened. It's what put me on the very trajectory to one of the most life changing things I would experience. I killed my dog.

I wish I could say it was an accident, but it wasn't. I never really cared for that animal anyway. I was coming home from work one day and my couch was completely torn apart. I knew the little runt did it, no questions asked. I grabbed the nearest object, a 15 pound weight, and started hammering that animal right in the skull. It did bite, which made me a little mad, resulting in harder hits. The dog was small. It didn't take much effort. But what particularly struck me was the fact that I wasn't even all that mad that about the couch being ripped to pieces. I just beat the dog to death because it felt logical I guess. Killing my own dog with my bear hands, and feeling no remorse, scared me a little. To be quite frank, it drove me crazy. I wondered what else I could do. That's when the spree began.

I mostly killed homeless people. I just beat them to death. Not much to it. It helped with my numbness. And besides nobody cares about them. It was just temporary relief though. I don't know if its a coping mechanism or something but I've forgotten most of the gory details of my murders. All I know is that for a brief second I feel. That's all that matters. Numbness can drive a person crazy. I was doing it out of self preservation.

One summer day I was going to work and on the drive there I saw a hitchhiker. To this day I swear it was my brother's ghost or something. I immediately pulled over. My eyes filled with tears. I missed him so much. He looked at me with so much love and smiled. I couldn't contain myself, I started crying. I haven't felt love in a long time. It was him! Well, not really. After I wiped the tears from my eyes, I saw that it was just a regular hitchhiker, not my dear brother. I realised this whole time I was just trying to get over my brother's death. I never got to stay with him in his last moments. He was all I had. I never properly grieved. Even if it was just for a second, I knew it was my brother looking into my eyes, telling me it was all going to be ok. I felt normal again.

He would want me to do the right thing.

That's why I'm turning myself in.

This was why I killed.

DISCLAMER:

this character is in no way shape or form a normal person. this character is severely mentally ill and numbness is no justification for murder. This character is very psychopathic. I'm not justifying murder or romanticising it. THIS IS AN OVER SIMPLIFICATION OF MENTAL ILLNESS.

This is not for the contest

Extra "words":

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