Lock

[This story contains themes or references to stalking]

“Who’s the top?”

“I, as usual. But seriously, I can do anything for him. He is so precious.”

They laughed, but I have a feeling they weren't sincere. They always want to get on my good side for selfish reasons. I bottomed up a glass and waved my hand for another bottle. Putting annoying assholes aside, today was a good day. Soju tasted sweet.

“How come you never invited us? You live alone and yet no one ever set foot in your apartment,” they sulked.  

“Isn’t it enough that I pay for you every time?”

They started getting on my nerves but more importantly, I couldn't stop thinking about his face. I only wanted to put my hands on his slim waist and sniff his sweaty neck. I’m curious what he’s wearing right now. I hope it’s something tight. I would love to tear it off and feel him bare. Just drink fast and get lost.

“It’s your father’s card, who cares? Let’s go for another round!”

At this rate, they will never get off my sight. I took out the card and shoved it at them.

“I need to go back but have fun.”

I turn around and mumble to myself: Yeah, who cares if I’m here or not?

“Man, you’re the best! See you on Monday at campus!”

But I couldn’t hear them. My mind was already with him. I hopped into a taxi and immediately check out the phone. There were no new messages. Maybe he’s already asleep? It made me a little sad but I know he’s working his ass off every day to become the best in the industry. When I look back at our first meeting I would never thought this guy will become someone I couldn’t stop thinking about. He looked so ordinary yet I felt strange. Like a thin string was pulling me closer and closer as my pinky started to swell and sting. There was something odd but pretty familiar at the same time. As I was looking at a raw, unsculptured piece of art. The otherworldly attraction I wasn’t expecting to bloom. It made its nest in the bottom of my abdomen. Truly an ominous sensation.

I didn’t know how I got off the car but was already standing in front of the door. The sound of a lock put me at ease. I’m home. I took off my shoes and quietly went to the bedroom. As expected he was sleeping soundly. I sat carefully on the bed and looked at his small face. He is extremely beautiful and reminds me of those porcelain dolls with white, soft skin my mom is collecting out of vanity. Fragile creature. His breath was calming me down. I craved his warmth but not today. Tonight let’s just observe. And remember every tiny detail. Engrave them in mind.

I left the door slightly ajar and went to check the kitchen. It was a complete mess. Delivery leftovers were all over the counter. Black bean sauce made a viscous mosaic. Empty ramyeon cups pilled over making a crooked tower. I felt those stinky fingers poking at me.

“How such a cutie can be also a pig?”

I smirked to myself. Let’s tidy this place before he wakes up. I hate when he is surrounded by trash. I’ll throw them once and for all.

Tomorrow he doesn’t have the usual morning routine but has to be at the broadcasting station for a music show. Promotions just started and he’s already so busy. And it’ll go worse but I’m happy for him. I can always turn on the TV and watch him performs.

When I finished, it was almost dawn. I wanted to take a quick look at him before going but he would wake up in any minute. Better not spoil the surprise. I fulfilled my duty and ended my visit with a soothing sound of closure.

My apartment is just an empty shell. At the end of the day, I just crawl back to seek shelter but don’t feel safe. Just one step outside make me closer to him. After learning his expressions, following his daily routine, eating what he likes, watching his favourite movies, and singing my soul out alongside him, I realized our lives are inevitably connected. This blood-coloured string is now attached to the main artery. One wrong move and I will perish. I will become just another unnamed shadow behind him. I looked at my phone. It’s time.

A little symphony arose as we both opened doors. Our eyes met and he smiled brightly.

“Oh, hello neighbour, what’s up? You must be pretty busy cos I didn’t see you around lately,” he initiated a conversation. I love his bubbly personality. So different from mine.

“Not as much as you,” I answered calmly. “Congratulations on your comeback. Celebrities are surely other species…”

“Not at all! We’re the same but you probably have a more stable future,” he laughed out loud. His laugh sounded like tin bells in the wind.

“Next time I will bring a copy of your album to sign. If that won’t bother you?”

He looked stunned but almost immediately smiled again.

“You never cease to amaze me! You’re def my biggest fan. I’m always grateful for your patronage,” but his phone suddenly rang. “Shoot, need to go! My manager is calling. See you later, bring things to sign!”

“Yes, good luck with your schedule. Fighting!” I emphasized with my fists.

He winked while disappearing in the elevator.

I felt as if blood was leaving my veins and gathering in my head. Abruptly I lost all my strength. I even forgot a reason behind coming out besides meeting him. Trying not to lose my composure I came back and at once slid down after closing the door. This time lock melody sounded mocking.

I didn’t realize how much time passed until I heard his voice outside. It reached me as a blessing and my limbs started to move again. I grabbed a knob impatiently but something wasn’t right. He sounded somehow annoyed. I’ve never encountered him in this state. He always wears a wide smile, ready to heal all of my worries but not now. A shiver ran down my spine.

“I told you million times! Someone was at my apartment! If it’s not you or the housekeeper then who? Dokkaebi?” he yelled at his manager on the phone.

He was seriously pissed off. His anger froze me on the spot. Even my heartbeat slowed down. Everything became a blur. I made sure not to visit him too often. Once a week is enough, I’m not greedy.

“Check CCTV. I’m not going to stay here tonight. It’s fuckin scary.”

I tried to get up but my legs gave up. He can’t disappear. I won’t let him.

“Cut the crap, it’s Hannam-dong, not everybody can afford to live here! I chose it for its tight security, for Christ’s sake. You claimed you checked all neighbour’s backgrounds.”

My mind went completely blank. He’s going to move out and leave me here alone. I should have been more careful but I ruined it. He’s going to hate me. Despise me.

“I’m going in for now. Just to grab some things. I’ll be ready in thirty minutes so don’t be late,” he ended the call and went inside. The lock sound was almost heartbreaking.

I mustered up all my strength to stand and chaotically searched for all the merch. I grabbed everything in my hands and went to the corridor. In a blink of a light, I was standing at his apartment. Hesitating, I decided to enter the password. Why do I need to knock on my door?

The sound of the lock was empty but yet it felt so heavy. I stood on a warm floor when I realized I was barefoot. I smiled to myself. Nice feeling, leaving my trace here. Following the tracks, I won’t be lost. I looked left, the kitchen was clean. It made me extremely happy. I noticed a ray of light coming from the bedroom. He is there. We are here together. I set my steps slowly not to startle him and opened the door. I saw his smooth line and slim waist. He was packing a bag as I came to my senses.

“Where are you going?” I asked in a small voice.

He stopped and stayed still for a moment. Then turned his head. I couldn’t read his eyes. They were out of my reach.

“That’s my question… How did you come here?”

“I put in the password,” I said the most obvious thing.

“Wha… How do you know my door code?”

“How could I not? It’s our house.”

He paused halfway as had nothing more to say. I chuckled. How many faces are you going to show me today? I was expectant. This situation made me excited.

“If you leave right now I won’t call the police,” he said with a slightly trembling voice. I liked it.

“You said you will sign my merch.”

He took a glance over the pile I was holding in my arms. His tension started to choke me. I would die just to hold him right now.

“You only need a signature? And after this, you’ll leave?”

I smiled wryly. I wasn’t in the situation to decline his kindness. I put merch down on the bed and waited. He moved slowly to the side while looking me in the eyes. Pleasure started to take over my body.

“Oh, I didn’t take a pen with me.”

“That’s ok…” he brought one from the drawer and started to sign.

“You don’t have to rush. We have all night.”

“My manager’s waiting for me on the parking floor. He’ll call me if I won’t come down.”

“Just call him off. You don’t have to leave. It is our home.”

“You fuckin creep!” he shouted unexpectedly and darted from the room, leaving me in awe. Now, that’s really fun.

He was already at the door, hurriedly putting on his shoes, but I was faster. I held the knob blocking the exit. I towered over him and it was the first time when I felt truly on top. He tried to free himself but after some time his resistance stopped. I heard only meek raindrops on the bottom of the well.

“Now, now, you don’t have to go anywhere. As long as I am here… I won’t let anyone invade our safe space. Trust me. No one knows you better than me.”

The lock stayed silent until deep into the night. I have never felt so complete.