The Problem with Story Writing

Help!

Please help me!

Yes, you. I'm talking to you.

No, don't worry, you haven't stumbled across some character x reader fan-fic. And don't look down the page either. Not that you should be anyways, because even you should know not to read ahead. That's where the spoilers are, stupid.

Anyways, don't look down, because I'm not talking to some upcoming character. There are no characters here. I'm talking to you, the reader.

And that's the problem, see? I'm not supposed to be talking to you, am I? I'm supposed to have characters but I don't. I don't

have any characters. Not a single one. I don't even have a story yet. Well, no duh. You need to have a character to have a story.

But anyways, you're still reading my pleas, and because you now know what the problem is, you're intrigued. You're invested now. So, you have to help.

…

Hey.

Hey, no.

Don't try to back out now. You're just going to walk away without seeing this through? Don't do it. I know you, you’ll feel guilty.

“What are they gonna do? How are they gonna solve their problem?”

Walk away now and you’ll be wondering the answer to these questions for the rest of your life. Okay fine, maybe not the

‘rest of your life’, but definitely for the next week or so. And believe me, it’ll drive you crazy. You can’t leave something like this unfinished. It’s your job, as a reader, to follow it through.

So help me, dammit.

What do you, the reader, want to be reading?

A dashing tale about magical creatures and evil wizards (or witches)? A hearty band of rebels fighting a corrupt society? Aliens? Monsters? Flipped gender-roles? Science? Time-travel???

Okay we’re getting nowhere.

It’s a bit hard with this whole one-sided communication thing, huh. I was getting a bit off-track anyways. There’s just so much to choose from, y’know?

Besides, if I could think of those things so readily, then anyone

could. This story needs to be different. Original. It has to make you react anywhere from ‘Hahaha this is so weird! I love it!!’ to ‘Oh my god!! What’s happening?? Noooo!”

Oh! I got it!

Why come up with something new, if I can just change something old into something no-one’s thought of before?

…

I better check this hasn't been done before. Hang on, stay right there, I’ll be back. I have to go check the web. Go grab something to eat while you wait.

…

…

I'm back.

And I know what you're thinking. I should have seen it coming, huh. Well, shut up.

'Cause dammit, you’re right.

It’s been done already. A lot. Like, more than you'd think, too.

The wolf in Red Riding Hood being actually good, Goldilocks being evil, even Cinderella from her step-sisters and step

mother’s point of view.

Phew, thanks. Dodged a bullet there.

Aaaah!

So then what do I dooo?

Okay, well then, let's just go back to the basics of story writing.

First off, we need a character.

Ummmm...

Boy or girl? You pick.

Oh, but I don't know what you're choosing.

Um. Okay. That's fine.

It can be like one of those 'choose your own adventure' things.

Okay, here we go.

Gender: Boy or girl?

(If boy) Name: Jarred or Beck?

(If girl) Name: Kara or Lacy?

How old are they?

10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, or somewhere in their twenties?

What are they?

Human, mythical creature, alien, part-animal or some sub-species of human?

Where do they come from?

Europe, Africa, North America, South America, Asia, Oceania or somewhere that isn't Earth?

What do they do?

Magic, Science, Art, Teaching, School, Army, Politics, Crime-fighting, Killing, Stealing-

Actually, this won't work either.

For so many reasons.

Firstly, how would you even give me the combination you came up with in the first place? I keep forgetting you can't actually speak to me here. And secondly, even if you could get your response to me, what would I have done with it? I bet you weren't even taking this seriously. You probably said something like a girl named Lacy who

was a 10-year-old sub-species human from North America that did politics for a living. Or a somewhere in his twenties-year-old boy named Jarred who was an alien from Europe that worked in the army.

But while I am sort of intrigued by these ideas, how the hell am I supposed to make up a story from them? Come on, reader. Use your head. You know you wouldn't really want to read that anyway.

Also, there were too many options there to choose from! I don’t know if you could tell, but by the time I got to the occupations part of it, I couldn’t even finish listing possibilities.

And then I was trying to force all that choice on you. I mean, I know I’m being useless by breaking the forth wall like this and asking you to help out, but if I couldn’t decide, how are you supposed to?

Sigh.

Back to the top then, reader.

Let’s start this over once more.

I don’t have a character. I don’t have a story.

We tried working out a character, and that didn’t work. And without even one singular protagonist we can’t really have a story, so. What do we do? It honestly just feels like we’re going round in circles here.

…

Maybe we’re approaching this the wrong way? Like of course we’ll need a character for the story, but maybe that should come later? What if… What if we looked at how stories are structured, and then we could make up a story from that?

Okay, okay, okay. I’m feeling good about this. You?

What am I saying, if you’ve come this far through all this then of course you feel excited. You’re invested now. For real this time. (Before I was just saying that to get you to keep reading. Sorry.)

Hold on one sec, I’ll go check Google and see what they’ve got on what stories are supposed to be structured like. Ummm, I don’t know how long I’ll be this time, so why don’t you take a break for a bit. Keep that mind fresh!

But do make sure you come back. I still need your help after all. We can’t conclude this until you finally reach the end of what I’m saying. And don’t leave me lying here for weeks on end either.

Come back, okay?

You better be here when I come back. I’ll be waiting if you’re not. Can you imagine how guilty you’d feel then? You really would feel it for the rest of your life this time.

I’m going now… so see you soon.

(You better come back!)

…

……

………

…

I’m back again!

Oh! And you’re here too! I knew I could count on you!

Okay so I did a bit of digging, and here’s a basic summary of what I’ve got:

Sizzling Start – An exciting hook to real your readers in.

Exposition – The orientation of the story, setting the scene of the story, characters and world that the story takes place.

Conflict – The arising issue that the characters have to overcome. Without an issue, there is no story!

Resolution – A way of resolving the conflict the characters had to go through, tying up those loose ends.

… Guess what?

I think I have an idea. But you need  to agree to it, okay?

Wouldn’t you say that… this whole thing right here that we’ve been through is kind of a story?

I mean think about it. A sizzling start. I hooked you in, right? Otherwise you wouldn’t have made it this far! Oh, and for the exposition, I guess this one’s a bit rough, but we still have it! I told you right at the beginning what was going on! And yeah, I guess that meant I also kinda introduced the conflict straight away too, but still!!

Oh, and also! The pièce de résistance: The resolution! If you agree to being a part of this story, as my one and only real character (besides myself I guess), then we have a story! A story about a writer talking directly to the reader, asking them for help in writing a story just for them.

So you’ll agree, right?

Actually, what am I saying? You have to! You’re already reaching the resolution! You, my dear reader, are now the biggest part of this story. You can’t escape! Ha!

…

Wait, no-

Where are you going? Wait-

Please wait! I’m not done yet! My story needs you! Don’t be mad! We need to resolve! We can’t end on more conflict like this-!

Don’t go! Help me resolve, please? There’s no real story without you!

No-

I’m sorry, wait-!

Help me!

Please help me!