The Interruption

It was a non - peculiar morning when a peculiar breeze found its way beneath my duvet, tickled my toes and nudged me awake to let me know it was time to get up.

Don’t laugh but I was convinced and still am, that the breeze, which had no obvious source, was and is of the holy kind. 

Has anyone else ever experienced that? A helping hand you didn’t ask for or think you needed? Some unexplainable, let’s say Force, outside of your control that influences your plans? A Force that gives you power or piles on pressure? That holds you back or hurries you forward?

Do I sound crazy? Perhaps. But aren’t we all - at the crack of dawn with a body devoid of fuel and, if you live in a country of season extremes and it happens to be winter, about to be exposed to sub zero temperatures just to travel to the gym?

I literally whimpered as I dropped to the floor, pressed my tingling face into the duvet and squeezed my eyes closed.

“Okay, okay, Holy Spirit, I’m awake. But, honestly, couldn’t you bring a nice warm hug instead?” I grumbled to the icy wind as it left me with a satisfied whoosh.

I pried open my lips to begin the day in prayer only to hear myself let out an extraordinary yawn instead. Ha.

Like I said before, this was a non-peculiar morning. And this was how most of my mornings began, particularly in winter. Fudging through whilst trying to ignore the fact that 5am is an ungodly hour to be awake.

The flesh is weak but the spirit is willing. I surprised myself by uttering a scripture that wasn’t even a thought in my mind. You see what I mean? It's the Force.

I decided as I finished my prayer with a triumphant amen, that judging by this morning’s little victory, it would be a good day. Today, the Force was on my side.

My phone flashed in the aftermath of the alarm that I didn’t hear. I guessed I must’ve actually nodded off or gone to some deeply spiritual place - the optimistic me wanted to side with the latter. I grabbed the device and squinted at the brightly lit screen. A notification. A little motivational message from me to me.

You know you do it too - don’t you dare deny it. We all have those screensavers or psychedelic backgrounds on our phones from time to time with those overly happy or obnoxious phrases: “You got this” “Be the better version of you”. I just needed a little pick me up to start the week strong. The previous week was…well, we won’t go there. But at the start of a new one, I was ready to get back on it. And I planned to make it the best ever. 

I had new business goals to meet, a new meal plan to stick to (this time it was Keto) and new PBs to smash through. The gym beckoned. It was time to whip my weakened flesh into shape.

I felt my way into the kitchenette and flicked on the kettle. The initial shock from the chill of the morning had subsided and my bodily functions were returning. Ingrained routine kicked in as I mixed up and slurped down on the berry-flavoured sherbet powder concoction that claimed to make you a beast ready for training. Truthfully, I only brought the stuff because who doesn’t like a drink that tastes like an ice lolly? But really, I didn't need to depend on any processed potion. I had the Force, right?

In the bathroom, I was already buzzing with the caffeine as I stripped on the spot, and yanked on the seamless matching set I had laid out in preparation for my early morning sweat session.

I felt pleased with myself that I had remembered to prepare. I was even more pleased when the elastics scattered across the bathroom didn’t snap as I laced them through my plaits to create a perfect bun. And I grinned like a Chesire Cat when I managed to fill in my non-existent brows without needing to press my face against the dirty mirror - I am as blind as a bat.

I started humming and shuffling across the linoleum to a gospel song I heard for the first time at church. The lyrics were something about having joy in every circumstance. I vaguely knew the words but as I ramped up my praise dancing with a little hand clap, they came to me suddenly in a flurry of remembrance. Suddenly, as if the Force has taken over me, I was full on “beasting” and happy, happy, happy, ready to boss it at the gym. I was ready to crush my goals and I believe nothing would stop me…

As I skidded out to grab my trainers, the open pocket on my gym hoodie caught on the door handle. Before I had time to realise I’d been lassoed, I snapped back and I fell downwards to the hard, cold linoleum with a mighty crash. I laid on the floor, glaring up stunned at the ceiling with a spinning head and a freshly washed matching set saturated in sticky berry flavoured pre-workout juice.

My body hardened and my toes curled as a little breeze tickled. It was as though the Force had returned to inspect my crumpled body and mock my pride. Beast Mode humbled.

“Why does that always happen to me? I snapped miserably out loud, directing my complaint at the Force, “What happened to you being my guiding light? Why do you always allow me to look like a fool? Why do you always rain on my parade?”. As I slowly sat upright, I prayed that I hadn’t injured bones or muscles because that would truly suck right before a gym session. But thankfully, everything seemed to be in working order. I decided to crawl to the front door, not trusting myself to navigate the slippery floor. 

Once back to the safety of the thick sturdy carpet, I tugged on stubborn Adidas, slipped into my Parka and flung open my front door to meet the dark lonely street.

But one droplet of winter rain sent me into a frenzied meltdown and I marched back into the flat to locate the umbrella I had absent mindeldly put away somewhere the week before. It could be anywhere. Sofa cushions, stray pairs of shoes and discarded Amazon boxes were the objects of my frustration as I searched with impatience.

Go on, laugh at my expense. I must’ve looked a picture - charging around like an angry bull, trashing my own flat because I was so determined to have the perfect morning and it was all just going up in flames with every passing second. Suddenly everything was utterly irritating. I just wanted to get to the damn….

“Ah finally,” I growled when I saw the stupid contraption hanging, of course, from the peg in the landing.

Back outside, the real temperature hit me square in the chest before I could shield myself with the umbrella. You’ve got to be kidding? I cursed, Wind as well as rain? Well, Lord Almighty…

I wanted to shake my fists at the heavens, but I was juggling so much stuff - gym bag, phone, keys, umbrella, water bottle with no strap - that I didn’t have the freedom to do so. So I just stalked down my street, eyes fixed on the gravel where I could just about see the pitter patter of descending rain. I inhaled the stench of the spilt sickly sweet pre-workout drink trying to dry on my gym clothes and was relieved that, at least, my gym set was graphite black.

There was no time to change my clothes anyway. No, because I was already super behind schedule and plus changing would mean a mismatched set. And a mismatched set would look horrible in the Instagram reel I desired to film that session. I needed to look on-point, I needed to feel on-point. God, why can’t things just go right?

Maladaptive thoughts raced through my mind. I was so stiff with cold and misery that I just about missed colliding with a man on a bicycle, who whooshed past me, in a flurry of fluorescent lights and gear. 

“Eejit!” his rebuke shrieked against the blaring of car horns as other vehicles went hard on their brakes to avoid taking me out. I didn’t even have the guts to look anyone in the face. It felt like the whole world was just staring and judging me as I legged it the rest of the way across the intersection. 

“Girl, you better start paying attention,” I told myself sternly and lifted my umbrella higher so I could blink through the rain, “or you’ll be dead at this rate before the sun even comes up!” There but by the grace of God go I….

I was three minutes away from the gym when the second wave of the pre-work out began to kick in. My heart started to flutter with anticipation and my feet squelched in my trainers, ready to pound the treadmill or launch off of a box. My two previous accidents began to feel like a distant memory. They were two silly false starts that I wanted to shake off.

“What does it matter now, who cares?” my hurt ego thought. Because I was almost at my destination. I had my drive back, the fuel in my system and I expected my wet gym clothes and trainers to dry with the help of the hand dryer. It would be better, it would all be good.

But just then, the breeze cut across my path and I seriously questioned whether the Force was really my friend or foe. 

“Pay attention.”

“What?” I startled and glared left and right searching for the speaker. But there was no one there. It was the Force, I swear it. I heard His voice.

As I turned back, I saw something straight ahead of me.

The pavement is normally deserted, no one ever walks down this path this early in the morning. I should know, right? I’ve walked down it dozens of times. It would be a poor decision anyway for anyone to intercept me, especially in a focused headspace. But that morning - of all mornings - I realised that coming straight at me, was indeed another person. 

No. No.

I was one minute away from the gym. One damn minute. 

It wasn’t that I was afraid of the encounter. I didn't feel threatened or exposed even as a woman who was stupidly donning black attire and walking alone unarmed . But I knew that I didn't want to be stopped. Not at that moment, not after a chaotic morning. I couldn’t imagine coping with another interruption.

The someone turned out to be another woman, who approached me with alarming speed and even more alarming disorientation. It didn’t take a genius to see that there was something very wrong with her gait. 

I splashed through puddles trying to dodge out of her way, but she saw me (Why, Holy Spirit, why?) and we did this weird shuffle as if we were dancing together before meeting perfectly again in the middle of the walkway. 

My sports watch chirped. It was 7am. I should’ve been adjusting my incline and taking the first few steps for my warm up. But there I was instead, in the pouring rain, in a face off with an either intoxicated, high or just unfortunately confused woman.

She was wearing a soaked toweling dressing gown, decorated with pink and green stars, and a pair of matching slippers. She was both smiling and frowning through drooped dark eyes. She mumbled illegible things and scratched at her head and arms with bleeding nails. She was swaying and standing still seemed evidently difficult.

I offered her a pitiful smile as we remained locked in this odd encounter. My mind's eye saw the warm and well-lit space of the gym, just out of reach. I didn’t want to spend another minute outside, in that horrible horrible…

“You know what you should do”, interrupted the voice in my head. Or from my heart. Or the breeze in the air.

But seriously? Today of all days.

Honestly, I felt awful. Guilty that I even imagined that I would just wish her well, side step and then sprint away to get on with my workout, leaving her vulnerable and alone at the mercy of goodness knows who or what. Girl code says that's completely unacceptable and Christianity reminds me that's breaking the second most important commandment. Love thy neighbour as thyself. And that includes at 7am in a rainstorm on a deserted road when a needy woman stands between you and smashing your personal fitness goals…

My ears pulsed with heat as I fought between duty and desire, between Samaritan and Self.

The woman shivered in her gown with her dark hair plastered against thin cheeks. She seemed to be staring straight through me, as though she was vacant from her own body. At the sight of her, I sighed. In honest surrender. 

“Oh dear God,” I thought, “Please give me strength…”

“Do you need help?” I heard the words slide out of my mouth.

She blinked at me.

“Are you alone?” I asked her gently,“What’s your name? Where are you going? I can get you help?”

Yes. It was the only word she managed to say to me. She was exhausted.

Cars flew past us on the parallel road. I shuddered as the spray from the gravel surface doused us with a cold shower. Only God knows how, in her disheveled state, she managed to make it this far on her own without any harm. How she stumbled straight into my path and added further complexity and delay to my imagined perfect morning.

But I now know and have to admit, as she almost collapsed against me and I took her bony arm, this encounter was for both of our good.

We staggered together towards my gym and I assured her that she will be safe and dry soon and someone will help her.

Two gym bros blinked at us when we appeared at the door unsure of how to deal with the dressing gown wearing woman.

“Call the police,” I instructed them, “She needs help”.

“Aye,” one of them wearing a padded gilet agreed and he gave me the thumb, “Good stuff”.

“Yeah,” I repeated slowly because I was slightly dazed, ”Good stuff”. 

And then, five minutes later after blasting myself with the hairdryer, I was on the treadmill, as I intended, setting my incline to 15 degrees.

The man on the flatscreen TV above me was grinning about something to do with bright spells and no rain later on in the day. I didn’t even feel the treadmill beneath my pounding feet, I just felt woozy. With pain or pleasure, I wasn’t sure.

As I finished the warm up, I suddenly remembered that I planned to film a reel but perhaps won't because the morning was massively delayed. I felt pathetic for still feeling moments of ungratitude. I did the right thing, right? But why did I feel so blue?

“Good morning! It's 10 minutes past 7”, said the TV.

Huh? 10 minutes past? Only 10 minutes past? I was startled.

You know what's crazy?

It was exactly the same time as it would have been if my morning had gone to plan.

It was a non - peculiar morning when a peculiar encounter changed my life forever. Because I learned and now believe that:

1. Slowing down to pay attention really can save yours and someone else's life one day.

2. It costs nothing (or in this case, no time) to show kindness and selflessness.

3. There is a good Force. And the Force really is with you and believe it or not, with you, for your own good.