is it the sound of freedom, or just the wind?

TW: Alludes to SA/ Abuse

The heaps of colors do pirouettes in the sky. The vast ocean extends for eternities, attempting to reach hell and heaven. A journey I've faced many times whilst sailing over the years.

The sky burns with emotion. The reds, oranges, and yellows resemble the kind of fire only a lioness has.

The ocean boldly contrasts the brightness of the sky at this hour, her blue hues and the bluntness of her waves embodies the very soul of freedom.

Something I know I’d never have, something my heart longs for. Why is it every sailor is such a cliche? 

We all start our immortal sail trying to sail away from our mortality, our problems, and yet we journey out to the very place that has no escape?

No back door, no secret way out, we’re endlessly stuck with our minds and poisonous thoughts. You’d think that’s how we view it anyway, but something most sailors don’t realize is the power of the wind.

Not only does the wind decide our fate, pushing the sail perpendicular to wind direction, creating pressure and allowing us to flee, but the wind in all her glorious freedom sets us free.

The breeze on the backs of troubled necks not only blows wisps of hair, but also carries away all pointless problems of the past.

Maybe a sailor lives in a paradox, forever trapped on a movie island forced to remember, cursed to never forget, but it’s hard to hear your thoughts when the laughter of others fills every ounce of your being.

Forced to remember, cursed to never forget, damned to never get a moment alone again.

On the main deck I watch the ocean mimic my restlessness. In the cabins below I hear my crew mates walking around and playing games. 

The breeze tickles my neck and attempts to start the getaway car, an invitation I decline.

I let out a sigh. Behind me, a boy with hair more blazing than even the sun, and a smile brighter than that of even the brightest star, steps out onto the main deck.

Each step he takes towards me makes my heart race. She’s trying to escape my chest, doesn’t she know she’s stuck on the empty ocean?

The wind begins to pick up, and I notice a dark cloud looming in the distance. I go to speak up about it, but a dead voice starts to speak to me.

“Hey there stranger.”

Insincerities escape from my smile, as I respond with jitter.

“H-hey, Jack.” I twiddle my thumbs, suddenly feeling the far away thunder hit my skin.

I don’t look at him as I speak. 

“It- it looks like it’s going to rain. We should head back inside.”

As I turn to leave, I feel a current grab my wrist.

“Mira, Mira, you know this ship is a strong one. Just like me, and sorta like you. Hey about last night, we don’t need to talk about that right?”

His voice is akin to that of thunder, mine is akin to that of a siren devoid of melody.

“We should really go back inside-“

The current gets stronger, my replies aren’t the words he wants to hear. To this mutt, they resemble the sound of a dog whistle.

“Mira, you don’t know what happened. You’re being ridiculous.”

The wind picks up, my feelings beginning to fathom just how fast the doors to freedom were quickly being shut.

“Jack stop! You’re hurting me!”

Like fate, at the sound of my voice, it begins to rain. Jack grit his teeth, the lightning accentuating the color of his eyes. Blue and soft, once I had compared them to foam of the sea, now I began to get sucked down under to the midnight zone.

Below the deck the shuffling of boots could be heard, a storm was coming, everyone was now at the mercy of the wind.

“I said no!” I screamed over the anger of the winds, attempting to finally make my voice heard over the sounds of his booming voice. 

The wind blew my hair around, with the movement of the wind the sailboat did too begin to run. The boat shook and the rain started to hit them.

“Mira, you don’t know what happened! Don’t make me defend myself against you.”

He raised his hand, and the wind began to die down. 

However, the ocean didn’t. The ocean crashed and cried and pleaded and begged. And the wind, finally accepting the perfect paradox of what it means to be a sailor, chose freedom.

As Mira stood there, the sounds of the rain mimicking her cries from the night prior, she had felt more free than she ever had.

“I am not at your mercy Jack. The only person who’s mercy I will ever be at, is myself.”

With her words the boat rocked, hard. Crashing could be heard in the cabins as the sailboat leaned to the left, and then to the right. 

With a hard push from the wind, the boat leaned heavily to the right. Jack lost his balance sliding down, down, down.

“M-Mira!” He cried, begging for mercy.

“Help me! Please!”

She looked at him, her heart and mind fighting against good and evil.

“No.” Her voice boomed like thunder finally discovering it’s thunder without the lightning. 

“Mira you’re fucking crazy! Fucking help me!”

She simply laughed and yelled once more, “I said No.”

The wind picked up again, knocking him into the void below. The boat tilted back to the left, balancing out.

Above deck stood Mira, and eventually, with their very late arrival, her crew.

“Hey Mira! Are you okay? The storm died down but it seemed to have picked up pretty heavily a few moments ago.” He placed his hand upon her shoulder, inspecting her for any signs of damage.

“I’m okay, I can’t say the same for Jack though.” The apathy in her voice brought confusion to the eyes of her friends.

They didn’t need to know what happened, accidents happened all the time on ships. They simply took off their hats, and looked out into the sea below. Some said words of prayers, others continued to stare at Mira with uncertainty in their eyes.

The clouds bid farewell, the sea sang with contentment. The stars for once in her life, looked bright. The sun was pretty, but for once she realized Jack was not the brightest star.

She was,

She is.

And even on nights that seem darker than black holes and licorice, that bright star is still there.

She’s still there.

On a boat, surrounded by the open ocean, open sky, and paradoxes of people, she savored the taste of the wind.

Finally,

Freedom.