It's Time

Harriet told herself if she ever became single she would simply remain single. There was no way she would go online to find a man. She had listened to enough horror stories from her newly single friends and workmates about the online dating world. Men who catfished you, faking their identities and wasting your time with endless exchanges. Men who asked you to send nudes within minutes of chatting. Men who misrepresented themselves as entrepreneurs when they really were unemployed and living in a granny flat at their mother’s house. Men who posted photos of themselves with other people’s babies. Men who said they were interested in a long term relationship but really wanted a quick hook up in the carpark at the back of the local pub. This world was one she vowed she would never enter.  She had a decent husband, thank goodness.

That all changed the day David announced he had been having an affair with Claire, his detective partner.  Ten years younger than her, with a great body from all that Crossfit. Harriet couldn’t believe she hadn’t worked this out long ago. Looking back on all those photos of the two of them on the Facebook page, of course they were having an affair. Weekends away with competitions, all that extra training. Everybody at Crossfit would have known it, except for Harriet. Long hours on the job, solving crime and serving the community. Claire and David moved in together and that was the end, twenty five years of marriage disintegrated into nothing. Harriet felt much older than her fifty years and completely demoralised. 

It had been about 18 months since David left. The divorce papers had arrived that morning. Did Harriet hope to find someone else? Could she find the courage to go on a date? Just thinking about it made her stomach churn. She’d known herself as one half of a couple for so long. She wouldn’t even know what to do on a date. 

She did a stocktake of how she might meet a man through the normal, old fashioned way. The list was short:

1. Through a friend (she’d asked around, no-one knew any single men).

1. At work (she was a teacher, all the staff were female)’

1. At the gym (all the men were so self-absorbed they only seem to speak to their egos)’

1. At the pub (she never went to the pub, it was depressing and the men there reminded her of her alcoholic father).

Harriet thought about taking up a hobby where men might be, like six-a-side soccer or touch football. She wasn’t much good at ball sports though, and didn’t want the added pressure of trying to be attractive and coordinated. She considered senior athletics, and did try this for a short time. She was good at running, and represented the state in the 800m back in her teenage years. Turned out the men in the club had an average age of about seventy and were all married to their equally fit seventy year old wives. Which was just as well, lucky them.

Her friends kept encouraging her to get on the apps. Everyone was doing it. Even some of the married ones were on them trying to find a bit on the side. There were apps exclusively devoted to people wanting to have affairs because  Life is short. Have an affair. 

She studied up on the do’s and don’ts of online dating.

Do meet in a public place.

Do tell a friend where you are going.

Do check out your potential date on social media.

Do trust your instincts.

Don’t meet at his or your house.

Don’t give out personal information too early.

Don’t stay if you don’t feel safe.

Don’t rely on your date for transportation.

Seemingly all sound advice, Harriet contemplated. From everything she knew, the apps were sleazy, so she did her research. She discovered a bewildering array catering to every niche possible. ‘Best for Finding Someone to Settle Down With’. “Best for Christians Who Want to Meet Other Christians’. ‘Best If You’re Looking to Socialise Virtually’. On it went. She settled on the ‘Best if You're Over 50, Divorced or Widowed’ recommended app “It’s Time” . She was very grateful for reviews. What did we do before reviews? Take our chances and be disappointed, that’s what.

Harriet began to set up her profile. She didn’t want to sound desperate, overly keen or bitter.  She struggled to write a pitch about herself. Thankfully she didn't have to say why she was single, that was a given.

Newly single professional woman seeking companionship, good conversation and laughter. That sounded a little pretentious.

Fabulous at fifty and looking for a fun-loving, free spirited guy. That sounded a little flippant.

Seeking an easy going, genuine man to spend time with. I enjoy the great outdoors, staying fit, travel, reading and movies. Hoping to find a like minded person with similar interests.  Easy going. Not exactly original. She wasn’t sure what she meant by genuine. Probably not a lying cheat, like David was. The great outdoors seemed a little flowery, but she kept it anyway. It still sounded silly to Harriet, but it was the truth. She chose this one. 

Harriet added a few photos. The first was a picture of her finishing the City to Surf wearing a big smile with her medal held up to her face. This said I am fit and strong. The second picture was of her and her beloved dog Scout under a waterfall at Dorrigo National Park. I am a dog lover, and that speaks to my caring nature. The third picture was of her in a long tail boat on the pristine waters of Phang Nga Bay in Thailand, against a backdrop of limestone cliffs. This one said I have a sense of adventure. The irony was that David had taken all these pictures. She looked truly happy in each of them, and she was.

She finished up her profile with a few questions about her preferences, including deal breakers like smoking. She hit the ‘publish’ button and went to bed.

She woke to message notifications from ten different people the next morning. There was hope.