9B

She was referred to as the woman in 9B. She had a perfectly nice name, but no one in the building bothered to ask her what it was. The gossip started soon after she moved into The Alden at 2 East 75th Street. She lived alone in apartment 9B which was the first thing to raise eyebrows. 

“Why does someone who lives alone need a three bedroom apartment?”

 “How can she possibly afford it?”

“The woman in 9B had a visitor today.”

“9B had an unusually large delivery today.”

The woman in apartment 9B was far too busy to notice the curiosity about her or to socialize for that matter. She had not invited any of her neighbors over and she became something of a mystery as the months went on. Some of the busybody wives called her a recluse. Neighbors reported hearing her talking to herself at all hours of the night. Rumors began to swirl that she was a hoarder after Mrs. Patrick in 9A saw boxes piled high inside the doorway when the woman in 9B opened her door to retrieve her mail. Mrs. Patrick told Mrs. Toal in 8A she suspected she could very well be a compulsive shopper. “She probably shops to fill a void in her life” Mrs. Patrick diagnosed. Mrs. Libby on the 10th floor reported she never saw the woman in 9B leaving for work. She would peek over her staircase landing and never once had she caught a glimpse of her coming or going.  

“What does she do all day?” Mrs. Libby remarked. “And how on earth was she ever approved by the Board to live in The Alden? We are a very exclusive building you know.” 

Mrs. Coffee in 10B told the ladies at Mahjong she heard music coming from 9B at all hours of the night. She suspected the woman in 9B had an overnight guest. Mrs. Coffee wanted to complain to the superintendent, but Mr. Coffee told her to mind her own business for once. He quite liked the jazz music being played anyway. 

The gossip amongst the women was nonstop. They had nothing better to do with their days. They talked over coffee for hours each morning about which husbands were having affairs, which mother at school had, had a facelift, which private schools children had been accepted into, etc. Only once in a blue moon did the ladies get their information right. And this was no exception the night Mrs. Duckworth got up in the middle of the night. The Duckworths lived in 9C/D, an ostentatious full-floor apartment directly across the courtyard from 9B. Out of habit, and an old bladder, Mrs. Duckworth woke up to go to the bathroom. Before returning to bed she waddled into the kitchen to get herself a glass of water. Her kitchen looked directly across to 9B’s guest room and when she saw the lights on at such a late hour she couldn’t help but snoop. And what she saw put her into a tailspin. There was the woman in 9B with four of the biggest, red, blue and green parrots Mrs. Duckworth had ever seen. Three of the birds were on elaborate perches and the fourth was on the woman’s shoulder! Mrs. Duckworth was so aghast she dropped her glass of water. With the commotion that ensued the woman in 9B turned around and saw her. She laughed and pulled down the shade. 

Mrs. Duckworth, now hysterical, woke her husband and told him what she had seen. He didn’t seem to care, especially at 2:00am. “I knew there was something strange about the woman in 9B! Who in their right mind has all those birds living in an apartment? It is a health hazard and illegal I am sure! I do not believe birds are not permitted by the co-op board at The Alden. Do you have a copy of the bi-laws Stanley?” Stanley was sound asleep. Mrs. Duckworth worked herself into a tizzy and watched the clock until it was 6:00am and a more acceptable time to call the other wives in the building. 

The parrot gossip spread quickly throughout the building within days. As is true of all gossip, it grew and changed with each telling of the story, much like the childhood game of Telephone. By the end of the week the woman in 9B was rumored to have a flock of wild birds and some exotic animals that she had undoubtably smuggled in from some far off region. Mrs. Patrick and Mrs. Toal requested an emergency meeting with the buildings’ Board members.

The one Board member who responded to the women assured them no building rules were being violated. He told them all animals living in the building had been approved. Unless they were proving to be a nuisance he did not see a problem. The women were not satisfied. They motioned to file a formal complaint. With the help of their Tuesday Mahjong group they already had eight signatures. 

A few days later the woman in 9B heard all the latest gossip about her from her dear friend in the building, George, the overnight doorman. She and her family had known George and his family for many years dating all the way back to when her grandfather bought 2 East 75th Street. She and George had a good laugh together. She told George all about the wonderful opportunity she had been given to be the head of the Avian Veterinary Department at the Taronga Zoo in Sydney, Australia. Her lifelong dream! The family of macaws she was currently caring for after the fire at the Central Park Zoo were going to the Bronx Zoo for further rehabilitation.

“You have such a rewarding career. Your parents and grandparents would be very proud” George said. 

“If only the curious ladies upstairs had just asked!” she smiled back with a wink. 

One month later apartment 9B was free of perches and parrots. An extra set of keys was left for George along with a promise to be back. A blank, white envelope was placed on the entryway table between apartments 9B and 9A. As predicted, Mrs. Patrick couldn’t help herself and she peeked inside. There was a simple note that read, 

Whoever gossips to you, will gossip about you.

Best, 

Dr. Amanda Alden