Unforeseen end

„I am thinking of visiting that place everybody is talking about“, he said casually while getting out of the shower with a towel around his waist.

I froze inside but continued to stack the dishes in the dishwasher.

„I am thinking…I…I…“, kind of hit me in the head. HE was thinking.

My hands continued their robot dance with the dishes while he went to the bedroom to change for brunch we were having with his parents.

I wiped off the invisible water stains and tiny crumbs off the counters. I needed to make my hands busy so that I wouldn’t take that heavy iron pipe in the corner, God knows why we never returned it to the shed, and start smashing everything in sight,

A certain skull included.

What place, I asked myself since I had no idea what he was talking about. Did he talk about that with me? Did we have the conversation and I completely forgot about it?

He emerged from the bedroom, in a jersey, jeans and trainers, car keys in hand.

„You still getting ready?“

„I’ll be done in five minutes“, I said and went to have a quick shower, make-up swipe and just swooshed into a dress and suede ankle boots, and picked up my bag.

„What place is so popular that I managed to forget about it?“, I asked good-humoredly, pulling my Jacky O sunglasses to shade my confusion.

He gave me a once-over but wasn’t happy about my choice. Tough. If I don’t know where HE is going, I don't’ give a damn if he’s happy with my looks.

He went out without waiting for me so I was supposed to lock the house. I stood on the porch for a second and felt a breeze hugging my shoulders. It was sunny in Napier and the breeze felt warmer than the weather itself. The breeze was my friend. I come from a country where the weather was rather unpredictable, so 21℃ in February was a blessing. It was -5 in my hometown.

A few drops suddenly fell down but that was all, a cloud or two on an otherwise clear sky.

 I got into the car and, as he started driving, answered: „We talked about it. Nauru.“

That was the first I heard of it. Both Nauru and the vacation plan. The first that he never made eye contact while talking. He looked straight ahead, massaging his neck with his right hand.

A long ride was ahead of us since we were going to Mister 'd's Bistro, his mom’s favorite brunch place. I loved it too. That is where she took me when she had her “first real conversation with me”. We bonded over so many things, the main being we were both European. I had so many things to ask and she had so many things to share. Mister 'd's Bistro, with its unusual interior and that skull became "our place".

“Remind me again, why Nauru?”, I asked, keeping my tone casual.

“Well, they do have those Japanese guns”, he started. Oh, God, I should have known! Sam was a fanatic when it came to war stuff. For our first anniversary, I gave him the uniform insignia that I had got from a US Marine officer.

He was ecstatic! I was confused. It takes that little to make him happy? Wow! Good Job, Eve (me)!

For his birthday I managed to track down a collector who sold me a Pearl Harbour medal from the Arizona Memorial Museum Foundation. I thought he was going to smother me with tenderness and passion (after all, he is a former rugby player) that night.

When we were in the USA, he kept dragging me to all those places where the Confederate Army had won during the Civil War. I just thought, exhausted from humidity and heat, it was a good thing we were not alive during those times because he would stand strong by General Robert E. Lee and I would be smuggling people via Underground Railroad.

Of course the Japanese guns were the priority when picking the vacation spot. But “I” as in “not we”? And not mentioning Nauru?

We reached the restaurant; his parents were already there. His father gave me a big hug, the one I always got since he had learned my father died when I was young so he acted so protective of me. His mom was worried I was dressed too flimsy for the weather.

After getting our food (Sam went for the beef fillet, naturally, I opted for the Bali Smoothie Bowl, with his parents sharing Mister D cheesy eggs), we were having all kinds of conversations until his parents mentioned vacation.

“So what are your plans now?”

I decided to beat Sam to the punch and broke the silence: “Sam is going to Nauru”, I said. They realized he was going alone.

“Japanese guns, you know him”, I added apologetically. But I also felt very playful. OK. so let's play. Sam!

His mom looked me straight in the eye.

“What do you mean Sam is going? Where will you be then? On the beach? In a hotel room?”

Sam looked at the tablecloth intently and ordered some more bourbon. I realized I never liked his “weekend bourbon sampling”, as he called it, and shifted in my seat. Something shifted within as well.

“I am planning the end of August”. He said not raising his eyes once.

His dad looked astonished. “But Eve starts working then!”, He started getting worked up. “Why don’t you change the dates and go together? Then we can finally plan that wedding…”

Sam cut him off: “Because I’ve made plans with someone else, that’s why!”

His mom gasped, his dad started fuming and I felt sudden calm. Of course there was someone else. Without thinking I just said:” Well, Julie also likes war stuff.”

They all looked at me. Sam blinked. It just occurred to me it was her and that's why he used to call me "witchy witch".

“Julie? That big woman with three kids, twice divorced?!” His mom’s utter disbelief was palpable.

When we were doing our master’s program in the US where we met, Julie was his colleague he had been emailing every morning. I was teasing him about her because it was easier to do that than to admit I was heavily falling for a big, graceful, Kiwi guy. She was “just a good colleague, keeping things in order at the college” where he worked while he was in the US.

I had lost count how many times I was babysitting her youngest while the two of them had to do an overnight project.

That must have been the reason I quit my job, left my friends and what was left of the family, and moved 18,661km. Maybe a couple of meters more. One direction ticket. Napier, New Zealand. Beautiful place. Loved the architecture and nature. Hated his controlling manner that suddenly reared its ugly head the minute I stepped into his house. I was extremely glad I hadn’t sold my apartment back home and kept on paying bills online.

“You can’t do that…”, his dad started, gulping the air.

“Oh, but he can”, I interjected. His parents looked at me. I would miss them, really. Such nice people.

“Sam and I decided to call it quits”, I added. Sam looked up trying to guess my game. “You see, things were really not good for some time now and, well, I am not really happy with what is going on and that’s why we decided to have brunch with you today.”

I blinked away sudden tears. “I am so sorry we have ruined your day but it’s better this way.”

Then I tried to make a joke. “After all, I can’t stay in this relationship just because I love the guy’s family.” His mom gave a feeble smile, his dad was really sad. Sam was quiet, no “bold and brassy” this time. Didn't’ expect me to suddenly take control and tie the loose ends into a complete picture.

“I have to go now”, I stood up. “I am really sorry.” I hugged his parents tight.

My throat was closing. “I will miss you so much!”

I took his car keys: “Call Julie to give you a ride. After all, it wouldn't be the first time!”, I said intentionally ambiguous with a mischievous smile.

I went out and the breeze hugged my shoulders again. This time it felt a bit colder. “You’re going home”, it whispered. Yes, but where is home anyway? Home is where the person you love is. This time that person stopped loving you or didn’t love you the way you loved him.

Two years. One separate vacation. Two separate ways. I drove on the left and thought I should re-learn to drive on the right when I get back to Europe. I got home, his home now, maybe all along, packed my suitcases, called a friend who lived in Hamilton and asked to spend a couple of days with her.

I started driving towards Hamilton (Let Julie drive him, I thought) and somewhere in the middle, I needed to stop. I left the car, walked a bit and doubled down, sobbing and wailing like crazy. The rain drops started falling, stronger and stronger, pouring through my clothes, skin, my grief and regrets. I loved New Zealand. I didn’t want to live anywhere else. However, the guy above had other plans for me. 

I was all drenched when I got back into the car. When I see the characters in the movies like that, I feel I should somehow tell them to shower, get some dry clothes and do their hair. Now I really didn’t care. I felt some strange relief. I still loved Sam so much that it ached everywhere but what can you do? Make them love you like they used to? Maybe Hamilton was a new start. Maybe somewhere else. As long as there was the breeze as the guide.