I Forgot

I forgot.

To remember.

Too often, I struggled to remember.

Then.

I remembered to forget.

The distractions came and went. Come and go. Desperately keeping track with darting looks over my shoulder at the noise and the gossipy pointed fingers at me. When will it stop?

When will they stop?

Competition was the name of the game.

I was buried alive. More than once. More than twice. Lack of focus? Hah, I was so focused I forgot my own name. Everyone knew.

No one did a thing.

The gravy train was much too delicious and I was an inconvenience. Crazy nuance or was my real name “Patsy.”

Pushed to the limit of another’s lies and stories, explanations and

Framed.

Again.

To me, my life’s goal was simple. To get along. Notsomuch go along. Sometimes they co-mingled in insidious ways of too much compromise and giving in to the whims and whines of somebody else.

Confused doesn’t even do it justice. My ten year old mind kept asking myself, demanding, “Can’t we all just get along?” I guess we cannot all the time.

Bending and breaking in ways unimaginable.

Then. Coming back for more.

Trust me when I say it is exhausting. It was exhaustingly the same old same old.

Bailing? Not an option.

Silence became the medicine I had to take in order to live day to day. To see another day.

Ups and downs.

Fits and starts. It is a wonder my heart did not give out. It is a wonder my heart did not give up. The good news is it did not give up or out.

How?

Goodness.

Goodness won over the day and then the days. The moral of the story may not nor never match the lack of morality of the cast of characters. Double crossed time and time again, I began to let go of the pain. Self protection became my name of the game. Sometimes, people pretend to be on your side, when they are not on your side.

Secrets destroy. Secrets have a destructive way of stonewalling cooperation. At the end of the day, the question becomes do I want a seat at the table or a swell time with the cool kids?

Turns out.

Neither.

There is a lot to be said for going solo provided one can stand to be in their own company. Feeling used like an old shoe? Is stinky at best, worn out at the worst. Tiring, too.

Goodness exists among the distractions. Positivity is swirling around as enjoying life is a double edged sword. Over confidence in one’s own abilities is over rated. Conflicts of interest test the laurels of anybody. Hedging.

Trust is the name of the game. That is why secrets destroy honesty and trust. When trust and reliability are the foundation in a relationship, the sky is the limit. Intentional goodness lobbed in the direction of the sticky story tellers. A commitment to one another with specific goals of growth.

Answers to life’s biggest questions may never be answered in a way that makes sense to us. Confusion, cover ups and conundrums take the heat out of the kitchen. Nurturing strong relationships in our lives can be a fits and starts kind of existence. Is that really all that bad a thing?

Depends.

On who is willing to tell the truth. Salt of the earth kind of person who has been in the trenches and is not afraid to show it hurts. Transparency personified. That is where goodness comes in and fear dissolves like, well, a salt tablet.☺️.

We all come from somewhere. Good and bad. Wisdom teaches us that everything and everyone is worth fighting for. The truth will eventually come out. We may have to be required to “take a break” from time to time. Empathy is best exercised minute by minute, day by day. Hearty for the soul, too.☺️

Shared values are a wonder and a curse. Wonderful because they can be built upon with strength and integrity. Cursed when they may be used and abused.

Understanding the why becomes the reason for the seasons of change. Of the changes in our lives. Change sometimes whacks us right upside the head. Change can also be a slow burn of misery. When we trust the wrong person or persons, the foundation will eventually crumble in our laps.

Human experience teaches us that experience is the best teacher. What we then do with the experience is the boundary line of help versus hurt. Hurt people hurt people. Healed people heal people.

Sounds simply, eh? I do, wish, to the high heavens that it is, simple. But anything worth having is worth working hard for. Doing the hard work is the only way to an achieve a goodness-like existence. The alternative is the same old same old and being pushed too hard to accept the story as it is. Usery at its height.

The only way through is……through.

Anger that is productive as a means to an end, like secrets, is destructive.

“The most dangerous anger comes from someone with a good heart.”

Sounds counterintuitive,

But it is not.

”The most dangerous anger comes from someone with with a good heart. They hold it in, stay calm, and forgive, until one day they can’t anymore. Don’t push a good person too far.”

Don’t push a good person too far.

Words to live by.

Words to live with, day by day with a strong and exercised good heart.

We have mercies everyday given to us by Him. We have countless opportunities to do the right thing all the time. We don’t. So when we fall, it is prudent to have our backs dependent upon the one who care about us, really cares—the good, the bad and the ugly of us.

Without judgment. Without gossip. Without pointed fingers in the direction of one another. Seems impossible doesn’t it? Conventional wisdom holds that truth is never forgotten. It is easy to remember. It is when we lie and trip over our secrets to remember the truth, that we dis-serve one another.

A lie has speed but the truth has endurance. Just like a good and strong heart!♥️