The Courage To Change

The Freedom of knowing… I didn’t know I was me when I felt helpless and powerless. I became masked, trying to fill a void of not knowing who I became. I become someone I mirrored who I didn’t recognize, I lost me in the process of finding a new you. The singing of the ancestors crying out from the heaven above reminded me of who I am. I am the storm that carry the spirit of my ancestors who forcefully guided me through the doors that once hindered me. The voices of the past whispered eloquently to stand, never waiver and continue to strive. It wasn’t instantly identified, I was afraid of what others would perceive, understand, and reflect who they think I am. I freed myself from the burdens of a label instituted as lethargic, unworthy, reckless, and mediocre. I smile in the mist of my pain because milestones are experienced early, inequalities appear at any age; in fact, it came quite often unwelcomed. As my light shine, I unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As a dark skin woman of God, I was also a victim that echoed frequently. Had I known who I was, I would never have become someone you controlled! In the midst of becoming me, my light continued to shine in dark places. It did not silence me, in fact, it gave me strength to develop a new approach in how I represented myself. My determination was proven worthy in the mist of the dark shadows of mediocrity. My strength came with the struggles of recognizing who I am. I’m bigger than my job, I’m bigger than the color of my skin, I’m bigger than what they call me, I know who I am, and I know who’s I am! I met you accidentally in the absence of knowing me. I’m so much more than I could have ever imagined!

The Voice of Joy… I never gave up on a dream of becoming a vocal sound to individuals who’ve clearly dismissed any discussions presented. Meetings were an eye opener when suggestions from the unidentified were placed on auction blocks simply not accepted by the source. I’ve persevered through the eyes of the identifiers placed on display, like a model on a shelf waiting to be approved and bought. Steadily, I surpassed the storms and prevailed to a level of success in lieu of the many skepticisms. I was tested in ways I thought would be my demise to regulate the position I’ve retained. This particular testing process brought anxiety, fear and uncertainty causing distress before my annual assessment review. I’ve realized my disappointment caused a shift in the way I related to the concepts of the complexed exam. By analyzing attentively and identifying the logic, it gave me an opening to re-establish myself. I’ve decided failure wasn’t an option. The second time was the charm, passing was the epitome of who I am and what I could do. God has always been my greatest cheerleader; he strengthened me when I was running very low on spiritual fuel.

Strong, Gifted, and Black…. The Power of the Skin is a reminder of who I am! It’s silky, it’s soft, it’s warm, and it’s beautiful! My skin tells me where I’ve been and how strong I’ve become. I’m the extension of my ancestors who were warriors, survivors, and powerful! When you see me, you see them (all of them) smiling, happy and proud of the person I am today, tomorrow, and forever more. It is because of them; I stand strong, honored to tell you who I am. I am a mother, a daughter, a friend, a survivor, a sister an aunt and I’m God fearing. A mother who feels when her child is victimized, a daughter who protects her siblings from harm, a friend who is always there, a survivor who beat the odds, a sister who loves unconditionally, an aunt who guides and leads and God fearing because my father delivers the last word. Being born black is my only crime inside untouchable prison walls. Survival doesn’t feel free, it feels like bondage mixed with the stigma of “proven guilty before proven innocent”. Through it all, I’ve persevered and moved mountains I could not see and climb hills that were once a straight road. I’ve conquered my fears not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I continue to soar into greatness while greatness remains too far to touch.

The Power of Progress… I’ve conquered one of the most difficult tasks I thought I could never do in a lifetime. After almost ten years of employment, I was preemptive in requesting a raise which came almost a year later with frequent emails and conversations. I insisted repeatedly on a financial increase in what I deserved on the scale of my present title. I was beyond a startup entity; my status arrived with experience as well as tenure in the business. That wasn’t good enough, the salary wasn’t a factor, my color was the thriving force behind receiving the increase over a two-year period. It was humiliating, the need to prolong a well-deserved increase from a person who had given me accolades on my written performance review. Eventually, a meeting was scheduled, I was nervous but anxious regarding the outcome. I’ve researched, studied, analyzed, and modeled what was coming before me. I knew it would be a difficult journey to prove I belong at this level. I’ve beaten the odds of earning a Diploma, “Certificates of Achievements” and a “Certification in Software Processing” a requirement for the position I’ve earned. Therefore, I muster the courage to keep moving forward in changing this narrative against people who look like me. I pray one day this land would unite as one for the good and live in harmony to show our youths what true humanity looks like, feels like, and succeed in changing its views to attain a better life expectancy for years to come.