The Untold Chapters Of Her Soul

Sarah and Jonah kept running in circles around their new masterpiece in the sand. They had made a little cottage in the sand, which Sarah claimed would be her future home. Jonah wouldn’t stand for it and added his little touches to it, saying, “That’s my palace in the sea.”

That wasn’t a surprise, since his current favourite bedtime story was about the prince who built his castle in the sea. Sarah, two years older and fresh in school, considered herself to be “the big girl” who was no longer interested in bedtime stories. It was a secret only Mummy knew - how she listened to the stories from under the bed, giggling so silently that the blanket kept bouncing up and down.

As she sat on the blue mat spread out on the sand beside her John, leaning her body against his and resting her head on his shoulder, she was the most content human on earth. She wanted nothing else; all she had ever wished for was right there - a perfectly blue summer sky with white clouds and seagulls, green-hued water with calm waves playing along the beach, the love of her life by her side, and her little angels (devils at times) joyfully sprinting before her eyes.

After Mamma died, it fell on her to raise her younger brothers and sisters, and she forgot she was a little girl herself. She never complained and kept pushing forward. At times, she worked five part-time jobs so her siblings could finish school. She had always loved literature and wanted to go to college, but that was never an option. Her dream of writing a book one day was locked away in her struggle to live one day at a time. Once her siblings were on their own, she never found the inspiration for anything anymore - too drained to do something for herself. After all, that’s how it had always been.

It’s still a mystery to her why she walked into the ocean that day. She wasn’t troubled by anything, had no thoughts in her mind - just an empty heart. Perhaps that was the reason. John never once asked her about it, only joked that the ocean had gifted her to him. For a man who had feared the water since childhood, who had never dared to get in, it was a miracle how he overcame his fear and pulled her out that day. That he was even there alone, especially in a place he’d usually avoid, seemed strange in itself - but she never asked him about it. They both saw it as the day their lives turned around, in the best possible way. Two lonely souls meeting in the most unlikely of circumstances, becoming the missing pieces in each other’s puzzles.

She never knew she wanted it, and he was never searching for it - it arrived in its own time. He proposed on that very beach, sparkling ring and all. It wasn’t the ring or his wealth that made her say yes; it was the respect and care he gave her. He was always gentle, always put her first. He made sure she had what she never had growing up - a happy childhood and a glamorous teenagerhood. All her hidden wounds were healed by his love. He adored her, made her feel safe, taught her her worth. She could have lived her life alone, but once she knew him, that became impossible. He was in every breath she took, and she was his oxygen too. And to add sweetness to the story, along came two little bundles of joy.

Motherhood had never been in her plan. After playing both mother and father to her siblings, she felt too exhausted to ever hold a baby again. At least, that’s what she thought - until she held Sarah for the first time. That was a completely different feeling. She still remembered how her eyes filled with tears and her chest tightened with emotions so strong she could barely breathe. John was with her the entire time, holding her hand and comforting her, but it was in that moment - with her baby crying in her arms and John’s lips on her forehead - that she truly realized it. Her feelings were beyond words. It was something she’d never felt before - the feeling of being protected and the desire to protect at once. She had always known she loved her husband, but it was then that she understood just how deep it ran. The thought frightened her and yet made her smile.

John had always loved a midsummer feast surrounded by flowers and bees in their family garden. One such day, she was cradling Jonah in her arms in the armchair John had carried outside for her. Little Sarah stood on a stool by her dad, leaning over with wide eyes as he skilfully handled the barbecue, teaching her his favourite recipes. The aroma of grilled food drifted through the garden, blending with the sweet, familiar scent of summer in the air.

“Alma, did you doze off in the living room again? Come on, your tea’s waiting in the dining room,” said Happy, the carer, waking her gently from her nap.

“What were you dreaming about? You had the sweetest smile on your face when I came in.”

Alma didn’t reply as she followed her into the dining room. Her mind had been playing tricks on her lately, jumbling her thoughts. She couldn’t seem to remember anything anymore. She had been in the dementia care home ever since John passed away and the children moved abroad. She had gotten used to it. Now, all she had were her occasional dreams of the past, which she feared might disappear if she spoke them aloud. Sometimes even the dreams confused her - was it real? But in the quiet corners of her heart, she knew they were.

As she turned the corner into the corridor, she once again looked out to the garden and the sky above, longingly. Then she turned to the confused face beckoning her toward the dining room - for a reason she couldn’t quite remember - and asked,

“Do you know when John will be back from work? I have to go pick up the kids from school. We have dinner planned at Lily’s today.”

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