Destiny or Journey

People have existential crises all the time. I had mine only a few months ago. After careful research, I figured out many ways to deal with it and tried most of them. I learned that some people go to a psychologist, others spend money on expensive clothing and designer accessories, a few dedicate more time to themselves, many keep a journal, and a handful quit their jobs to find their passion. I decided to take a more radical approach, a leap of faith. I switched my monotonous and meaningless existence for a life-changing journey. Furthermore, I packed my whole life in seven suitcases and moved from America to Europe. The decision was made arbitrarily. Either continue living an unfulfilling life or, take control and start all over. Although it felt like jumping from a trampoline into a pool where you couldn’t see the bottom, I was already too invested and could only move forward. 

When I look back, I cannot pinpoint the time when and how it all started. My mind is a bit fuzzy, but I mostly see snapshots of my life showing me evidence of pure malfunctions. One winter night as I was walking home from the gym, I looked at the sky and saw a gorgeous full moon about to be covered by clouds. It was me! Everything clicked at the time. I could not hide any longer behind a routine. I could not pretend anymore that I was happy. Everything became clear, I needed to break away and shine. Planning began and I had no backups, no Plan B or even a Plan C. There was only one plan, and it needed to work. I took it a step further by deciding not to leave anything in storage because this was a one-way journey with no turning back. In a matter of weeks, I got rid of everything I own. During many sleepless nights, I wonder how many people had packed everything and gone to a country they had never been to before.

There were many more times when I questioned myself if I was making a smart decision. Nevertheless, departure day arrived, and I remembered the moment I was on my way to the airport and realized I didn't have any keys with me. I no longer had a key for my car because I sold it. My work keys were also gone because I resigned and had to return them. To top it off, the keychain for my place was empty because I did not have one anymore. Not even a key to a locker at my gym! It felt like I was in limbo. A terrifying feeling that I belonged nowhere and had nothing came over me. My flight was leaving in four hours and with a bag of fear on my shoulders, I embarked on a journey of dreams toward my destiny.

Buildings, houses, and freeways were becoming smaller and smaller. The bike path on the beach that I traveled so many times was disappearing between the clouds. Seeing the city for the last time from the plane felt like a big relief. Likewise, I must admit that leaving so much behind was liberating. I had no doubts that I was not going to miss the people that drained my energy or the many worthless material things that accumulated throughout the years. It was an incredible feeling. It felt like taking a heavyweight of bricks off my shoulders. However, not knowing what was ahead was equally exciting and scary at the same time. In my loneliest moments, I prayed for a different lifestyle. I begged for a change and for the opportunity to start again. Yet, I was never prepared for everything that I was going to learn and experience.

When the plane landed it was past midnight. The taxi driver did not speak much English, but he was so helpful and welcoming with just his attitude. Somehow, he managed to accommodate all my suitcases in his car. On my way to the hotel, I could only see traffic lights and illuminated buildings. When I arrived at the hotel, I was exhausted but incredibly grateful and thrilled. The room was perfect, and the view of the mountains was exhilarating. It would be my new home for the next 3 weeks while I find an apartment. I felt humble, blessed, and extremely grateful.

I was eager to start seeing the city the following morning. I encountered a lively and energizing atmosphere. People rode their bikes and scooters throughout the square. Tons of cars packing the streets and as many people walking around. After getting a local phone number, I started my search for a place to live. My first meal was delicious and affordable; chicken kabobs, salad, softy springy bread, and a variety of sauces that could not figure out what they were except that they were delicious. When I was moving in, I was lucky to find people who were willing to help. I remembered the old man who helped me unload my suitcases from the taxi and placed them at the front door without accepting a tip. Even today I still see him around and we greet each other.

In reflecting on my journey, I gained more than I bargained for. Locals are so proud of their roots, their culture, their traditions, and their country. Moreover, it is admirable to see how this society has arisen from the ashes of communism barely 30+ years ago to become so strong and rooted. They had built modern sky risers, cute coffee shops, beautiful shopping malls, schools, and superb restaurants that highly contrast with their traditional architecture. Tall mountains, enormous lakes, multiple parks, and blue oceans were witnesses of a society that does not give up and seeks to strengthen its infrastructure. I discovered a society that valued reading, a good quality of life, and strong family ties. Simple everyday things are not taken for granted. This is a country that I like to call raw and innocent because its natural resources are not polluted by long zip lines in the mountains or fast jet skis on the coast for tourists. Coffee is king and family evening strolls are sacred. The square is the heart of town and people of all ages gather there to hang out. Additionally, their dairy products are the best I have ever tried. Similarly, fruits and vegetables are the freshest and come from the farm to your table. 

Of course, not everything around me is delightful. Streets and sidewalks are made of uneven cobblestones that could make you twist your ankle in a second. Outdoor cafes and restaurants are surrounded by a cloud of persistent smoke. Payment of utilities is done in person like my grandparents used to do it. Instant gratification is not the norm and postal service is almost nonexistent. Air conditioning and ice-cold drinks are rare luxuries. Nothing wrong with any of that! Although locals keep their livers healthy as alcohol is not overly consumed, unfortunately, their lungs are filled with smoke and nicotine. But a pink handheld fan is my best friend to hide from the strong sun, blow the smoke away, and capture fresh air.

When I look back, I see a bitter, impatient, and desperate person willing to risk everything. Moreover, I see a brave person convinced that this move was more than an incredible journey. It has been a transformation, a rebirth. Arriving in a developing country immediately made me appreciate life and be thankful every day. It has changed my perspective on life and has rearranged my priorities. Sitting on my balcony feeling the morning breeze, admiring the view of the city, reading a book, and drinking iced coffee is now a glorious moment in time.

I do not miss my car and much less driving in traffic. I walk and take public transportation. I embrace other religions while respecting our differences. In this learning path, I became a sponge trying to absorb a new language and traditions. Moreover, I learned to listen more than speak. 

I am happy with fewer material things around me. Downsizing has also been part of this new chapter. Who needs a toaster, a bread maker, a food processor, an air fryer, a slow cooker, an immersion blender, a rice cooker, a pressure cooker, a mixer, and a blender to make a delicious meal? Nobody! Do I need three pairs of tennis shoes for the gym? Negative. Less is more.

The other day a passed a group of tourists, and I felt so happy that I did not have to go back like them. I was fortunate enough to be able to stay and continue writing new chapters to my story. Every day I take a step forward as I continue to adapt and attempt to blend into a new culture. Learning the language continues to be challenging but an open heart and a smile have taken me far. 

I cannot wait to spend the holidays in my new place. How would the city be decorated? What types of events take place in December? I do not know how or when this journey ends, but I do not need to know. After only four months, it is still going strong. Dreams are now part of a beautiful reality that I would not change for anything in the world. I came to understand that although people are the same everywhere, culture and upbringing make all the difference.

My dream turned into my destiny, and my destiny is my journey. My cup is only halfway full, but I make sure to add new experiences each day while keeping an open mind for the unexpected.