My Dearest Gertrude

21st September 1900

My Dearest Gertrude,

Thank you for your weekly letters, which bring me immense delight. 

Pray do not be troubled by my current lack of social engagements.  I assure you my heart and soul are wholly fulfilled through the composing of my songs. They flow effortlessly from me like a river. I have no idea where the ideas spring from, but I am sure that the surreal beauty of nature surrounding me here serves as a principal muse.  I have now completed seventy songs, each growing in richness and composition 

My esteemed tutor, Alexander von Zemlinsky, occupies and entertains me most delightfully. His daily flute performances evoke the songs of the early morning birds.  It is a motif that my beloved Wagner used in Siegfried’s Idyll and one which I myself have included in my latest composition.     

You simply must visit me here soon. You would gain immense pleasure from my morning walk along the lake shore, listening to the birds' sweet serenades and watching the dragonflies flit across the water.

Please say you can come soon??

Your ever-loving friend 

Alma 

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10th November 1901

My Dearest Gertrude,

You will be both pleased and astonished to hear that I have attended several social functions! 

Our neighbours, the Zuckerkandls, extended an invitation to an evening of feasting and festivities, graced by the attendance of fellow artists and composers. Imagine my delight when I found myself in the presence of Rodin and Klimt!

Whilst I was transfixed by the wonderful melodies, a most momentous event transpired - I was introduced to a fellow musician, none other than Gustav Mahler. You may have heard of him? He too is a composer.  He is remarkably handsome, intelligent, and witty.  His sole flaw, which I fear may displease you, is his considerable seniority. Yet when you meet him, I believe you will soon concur that our shared passion for music diminishes the years between us.  

I tremble as I confess to you that I am in love. Can you fathom it?  I feel positively giddy every time we meet.  My emotions towards him have inspired me to compose with even greater fervour. I have nearly amassed one hundred songs since my tutelage here. Imagine the marvel of Gustav and I conducting a joint concert of our works?

You must come soon, dearest Gertrude, to meet Mahler and witness the happiness he invokes in me.

Your ever-loving friend,

Alma 

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20th December 1901

My Dearest Gertrude 

I write to you in a state of great perplexity and I seek your esteemed counsel.  Gustav has proposed marriage. Whilst half my heart is in raptures, for he brings me such happiness and my love for him is all-consuming, the other half of my heart is breaking. He has set a condition on our marriage - I must forsake my composing. He believes there can only be one composer in a union and he insists I cannot be a devoted and attentive wife if I am distracted by my music.

Oh Gertrude, should I accept Gustav’s splendid offer of love? Surely I will never encounter such a love like this again? But how will I endure life without my music, the very essence of my soul?   Or should I reject his affection to become a lonely spinster, free to pursue my creative passions? Why is the path of love so fraught with hardship and turmoil? 

I implore you to send me your advice with the utmost haste.

Your ever-loving friend,

Alma

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10th June 1910

My Dearest Gertrude

Pray forgive me for the long silence that has elapsed since last you heard from me.

My life has been cast into utter turmoil. You may have learned that my precious, sweet Maria was cruelly taken from us by scarlet fever.  My heart lies shattered in a thousand tiny pieces.  Each day stretches into an interminable long dark tunnel, devoid of her laughter or singing. 

The loss of Maria has carved a profound ravine between Gustav and I, one I fear can never be bridged. He witnesses my daily anguish, yet offers no comfort.  He is consumed by his music, yet still denies me the same solace.  Musical ideas bubble within me, yearning to soothe my tormented soul, but he insists I must bury them deep within, conforming to the meek and mild wife he desires. Every morning I awake in despair. Music is my destiny. It burns inside me with a fire that can never be extinguished. 

I fervently hope you do not think ill of me for the scandal I have caused. You, my dearest and closest friend, above all others, must surely comprehend the workings of my soul. I can no longer feign to be something I am not.

Your distraught and broken friend,

Alma  

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15th October 1910 

My Dearest Gertrude

I must assure you that your last letter did indeed reach me.  I have remained with Gustav for the sake of our dear Anna.

In a bid to salvage our marriage, Gustav has sought the counsel of a gentleman named Sigmund Freud. The outcome, for myself, has been encouraging. Dr. Freud has advised Gustav to support and nurture my musical endeavours.  Consequently, Gustav has pledged to secure a publisher for five of my songs. This promise has brought a faint glimmer of joy to my heart, though I am uncertain if it shall be sufficient.  My heart remains heavy, akin to a stone submerged in the depths of a muddy lake.  Will my music now be enough to raise it back to life? 

Gustav remains mired in melancholy, which has adversely affected his health.  I fear our household is not a wholesome one for dear little Anna. 

Would it be terribly impertinent of me to request she might spend some time with you on a short holiday? I am confident you would provide her with the joyful atmosphere that a young girl needs to flourish.

I await your kind response to my proposal. 

Your dear friend

Alma 

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24th May 1911

My Dearest Gertrude,

I am writing this to you from Vienna.  My pen is struggling to write the words.  

All I have ever known is lost and my heart is broken into a million shattered shards.  My dear Gustav died on the 18th May.    

Can you come?  

Is it my fault for constantly wanting space to compose and write my songs?  Has God listened to my pleas and now punished me for my selfish desires?

Please say you can come and provide me with your solace and comfort.

Your Alma

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Writer’s Note:

I discovered Alma Mahler’s story after attending a classical music concert on the 20th May 2024 and felt immediately drawn to tell her story.  She composed between 70 and 100 songs by the age of 21 prior to meeting Gustav Mahler.  Only about 17 of her songs have survived. 

On their engagement, Mahler sent her a letter where he made it clear that if she wanted to be his wife, then she must forgo her own creative ambitions.  She agreed, but after the death of their daughter Maria in 1907, she spiralled into depression and an illicit affair, desperate for a creative outlet for her pain.  On discovery of her affair, Mahler finally agreed to organise the publication of five of her songs in a desperate attempt to save their marriage. 

History describes Alma as a socialite, and often as an unpleasant woman. She allegedly expressed anti semitic beliefs and yet had affairs with and married two Jewish men.  Has an intelligent, artistic, and passionate woman been discredited on purpose to diminish her artistic creativity?