Winner or Sinner?

Winner or Sinner?

Published 18/09/2024 by Jessica Oriton

Last month the world mourned the death of Lillian Elfine, beloved actor and singer. Her death had come as a shock to all, taken from us too soon by the successful assassination attempted on the 28th of August at the premier of her new movie, Fight to the Death. Despite the horror of it all, life moves on and so must we, leaving the past in the past. The person who seems to have moved on the fastest is unexpected, however. Mrs. Elfine’s husband, renowned Producer Jackson Elfine was seen last week with what seems to be a new love. An anonymous writer to the Daily recounts seeing Mr. Elfine exiting the local cinema on Thursday night with his arm around the waist of a young woman. After a little sleuthing myself, I have confirmed that this was not one of his relatives - not a daughter, a sister, or a mother. No, I think it is safe to say that the Producer has caught the love-bug again, this time settling for a younger (possibly improved) model. It may be too soon to tell what exactly he intends to do with his new girl, whether he sees this as a fling or perhaps something long-term?

Who is this mysterious young woman, you may ask? Lucky for you, my dear readers, in my aforementioned sleuthing, I also managed to uncover some details on the woman in question.

The girl seen with Mr. Elfine I believe to be Miss Diana Porter. Miss Porter is a 21-year-old student at Oxford University studying Medicine. She scored a 3.75 GPA in her High School exams and has not been in a public relationship for five years. It’s surprising how much information you can dig up after a little hard work.

It’s obvious that Miss Porter isn’t as stupid as she looks (and I wouldn’t say she exactly looked smart. Not with those buck teeth!). Is it possible that she saw Lillian’s death as an opening? In my sleuthing, I was not able to find any previous ties between her and Mr. Elfine, so how did a high-class movie Producer wind up with his arm around the waist of a young medical student?

It’s entirely possible that they met at Oxford, due to the fact that Mr. Elfine’s eldest daughter, Michaela Elfine, studies Architecture at the same university. We must ask ourselves how Miss Elfine must feel about her father’s new relationship - after all, Miss Elfine is two years older than Miss Porter. How would you feel if you parent started dating someone younger than you?

It almost feels like something straight out of Legally Blonde! I honestly wouldn’t blame Miss Elfine for trying to kill either Miss Porter or her father. It all seems like too much, too soon.

Now I must apologies, darling readers, it seems I have withheld information on this new relationship from you. I only finished editing this article last night, due to the fact that I had to last-minute finish my writing after a last-minute interview with none other than Mr. Elfine’s youngest daughter, Kaitlyn Elfine.

Hold on, it’s about to get rocky.

“My Father is in a relationship with Miss Porter, yes.” Kaitlyn Elfine, 20, said in our interview. “They met at one of Michaela’s functions at Oxford.”

I was right! One point to myself and my sleuthing skills! I then asked Miss Elfine how she felt about the relationship.

“Personally, I resent it. My Father had always claimed that my mother was the love of his life - his reaction to her death made it seem as if the world had ended. But here he is, not even a month later, with a woman a year older than me, and two years younger than Michaela. It’s disgusting in my opinion, really, and my sister and I have made that opinion painstakingly clear to our father.”

Finally, I asked her what she planned to do about it.

“My Father is a grown man. He can do what he wants. But as long as this relationship continues, neither myself nor my sister will be speaking to him. Frankly, the whole thing is an insult to both my mother and their marriage.”

Ooh! Even I have to admit, I got chills when Miss Elfine told me that last part. If you’re reading this, Mr. Elfine, I think you’re in trouble!

So, what would you do in this situation? Personally, if I was Mr. Elfine, I wouldn’t have done this in the first place - It would take Jesus himself to move on that quickly from my wife’s death. But let’s say Jesus himself did appear in my life after something like my wife’s death - I guess it entirely depends on the person and how lonely I am to decide whether or not I would get in a relationship with them. However, Mr. Elfine wasn’t exactly lonely. He had two daughters and his whole family to keep him company. So far, this situation just keeps looking worse and worse for Mr. Elfine indeed.

Prior to my interview with Kaitlyn, I did reach out to friends and family quickly to see what they had to say on the matter, and one of my sisters, Elaine, had a particularly strong view on the topic.

“He’s a total a**hole, I think.” She said. “Who would do that, who would do something so offensive both to their late wife’s legacy and their daughters? This in its entirety is a disgrace.”

I do think a lot of you will agree with my dear sister. A lot of my colleagues did, and so did my boss herself.

And then there is the question on the back of everyone’s mind - could this current relationship have overlapped with that of his Mr. Elfine’s marriage to the late Mrs. Elfine? Is this an affair disguised as a love-at-first-sight meeting at a university function? Has Mr. Elfine and Miss Porter kept their relationship in secret, waiting for the right circumstance - a spouse's death, perhaps - to go public?

In my mind, the term ‘sin’ and ‘sinner’ are terribly out of date. But I feel that there is no other term to describe Mr. Elfine, especially if this affair was illicit before it was public. There is entirely the possibility that Mr. Elfine has moved on however, has truly and innocently met Miss Porter at a function and despite his aging appearance, won her over. We might just have to wait for more of this relationship to go public before we find out which of the two Mr. Elfine is - winner or sinner?