Thank you.

"Goodbye Hailey."

I’ve always been an outsider. Especially when my mom decided it was best to move to a place called Fairhope, Alabama. She said she wanted to move here because we needed to “start fresh”. Right. I call bullshit. She wanted to move here because my dad killed himself in the attic of my house when I was only fifteen, and if you’re asking if he left then let me answer that for you. No he didn’t leave a note. I wasn’t expecting him too either. He’s always been a shitty dad. He did shitty things all the time. He didn’t show up when my mom gave birth to me or my twin brother. My brother only lived to be three months old. He had some sort of heart disease or something. I’m not really sure. 

When my dad died, my mom was torn for weeks and wouldn’t leave her room. She said it was all her fault and blah blah blah. Then I suggested to my mother that she should get a therapist, and for some reason she actually did. She got better within a few weeks and then we moved. Fairhope is a small town in Alabama. Anyway back to school. I go to Fairhope High school and I’m currently a Senior. 

“Watch it bitch” 

“O-Oh sorry” 

“Yeah you better be” 

That was Maddy. She was one of my best friends when I first moved here. Now she the HBIC at my school. She used to hate popular people and now she is one. I’ve never had the guts to stand up to here because I see how the people look after they try to. Newsflash: she can throw a punch. I’m just trying to finish High school, and get as far from this place as I possibly can. Anyway getting to the major issue here: Sawyer. My crush since I first came to Fairhope. He was also my best friend, and just so happens to be Maddys boy toy. 

Sawyers house is also right next to mine and we used to talk all the time last year. But now we’re seniors and he says he has to work on his “popularity”. Right because his popularity is so much more important than me. Well his “popularity” can go fuck itself. People like Sawyer act so entitled and fake. At this point I don’t think I have any friends. Unless you count my teacher’s. But like does that even count? No? Didn’t think so. 

At home

“So how was your day honey?” 

I contemplate what I should say while I pick at the food on my plate. 

“It was fine I guess.” 

“What do you mean I guess?” 

“It was okay mom.” 

“You should cheer up.” 

“Oh yeah because you’re always so cheery aren’t you mom?” 

“You know what I don’t need right now, go to your room.” 

“Happily.”

And then I spend the rest of my night in my room. Every night. I don’t even know why I bother to have a conversation with her. She always thinks that I should cheer up and that I shouldn’t be sad all the time. How am I supposed to be happy when my father is rotting six feet under the ground? Or when my only friend is my geography teacher? I can’t take it anymore. As my eyes overwhelm with tears, I grab the keys and run out of the house to my car. I can’t keep living like this. As I’m driving my vision begins to blur and blur until I can’t see anymore. And then out of nowhere, I see a massive truck. Everything goes black. I wake up moments later not knowing where I am or if I’m even alive. I can’t move. My leg is trapped. Oh my god. My leg is stuck underneath my car and I can’t get it out. All I see is blood and a whole lot of it. My phone is in the car. Shit shit shit. 

“How am I supposed to get it”

I said to myself a thousand times. My eyes slowly close and I’m met with blackness once again. This time when I wake up I see someone walking over to my car. 

“Help!” 

He starts running over. He was a tall figure wearing a yellow and blue football jacket. He had dark hair and what seemed to be hazel eyes. I slipped into darkness once again and woke up with lights shining in my eyes from all directions. A bunch of nurses were surrounding me and they seemingly looked shocked. 

“Sweety you flatlined for a good two minutes.” 

Oh my god. Now it makes sense. I’m not supposed to be alive, but I am. Wait he saved me! That dark-haired boy saved me. 

“Where’s the dark-haired boy in the football jacket?” 

“He’s in the waiting room, would you like me to get him?”

“Yes thank you.”

After about five minutes, I see him walk over. 

“How are you feeling Hailey?”

“I’m feeling fine - wait how do you know my name?”

“We’re friends Hailey quit messing with me.”

“Wait do you not know who I am?” 

I shake my head. I’m supposed to know him? Maybe I lost some of my memories because of the crash?

“Look she has gotten major head injuries because of the accident. She may not remember some things. That just means you’ll have to help her remember.” 

“Okay thank you miss.”

And then I see my mom. But where’s dad? Wait wouldn’t he be here? 

“Where’s dad?”

“Oh um, Hailey, he’s not with us anymore.”

Oh my god. My dad. He couldn’t be. He wouldn’t be. 

“He committed suicide two years ago.”

I’m submerged in tears. I can’t. Every memory of him starts to come back to me. Why did he have to die? 

“Please go.”

“But-”

“I said GO.”

I just want to be alone right now. On top of being in that accident, my dad’s dead. 

I wake up and I see my mom is back with new clothes, clean clothes. 

“You’re going home today. Unfortunately, your leg is severely broken and you’ll use a cast and crutches.”

I see him again. The boy I once knew. 

“Sawyer is taking you to go to the arcade today. So you guys can catch up.”

“Sawyer?”

“The boy who was here yesterday.”

“Oh right okay.” 

I can see him walking back and forth in the hallway before he comes in. 

“Hey, Hailey.”

“Hi, Sawyer.”

“Wait you remember?”

He sounds excited and I don’t want to crush that, but I have to tell him the truth. 

“No, I’m sorry. My mom told me.”

“Oh okay.”

“Are you ready to go then?”

“Sure.”

We both exchange smiles. As we drive over there, he starts to blast a song called ‘Superbass’ by Nicki Minaj, and he starts singing. We’re both laughing and I start to remember things, but only faint things. We walk in, and for a second our hands linger together, but he sees this girl and walks over to her. 

“Hey, Maddy!” 

“What are you doing here with that freak?”

“That Freak happens to be named Hailey and she’s my friend.”

“Whatever loser, have fun with your freak friend.” 

And she walks off. Who does she think she is? 

“Who was that?”

“Oh just my girlfriend, Maddy.” 

Wait, he has a girlfriend?

“Wait you didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend.”

“I didn’t know I had too.”

“Oh yeah um, I’m sorry it’s just...nevermind.”

 What was I thinking? I barely know the guy. Whatever.

“What’s wrong Hailey?”

“It doesn’t matter, let’s just go play a game.” 

“Okay.” 

It felt like we were playing for hours, and eventually, we played till closing time. It felt so real with him. Oh my god. I’m remembering things. But wait, he hurt me? He left me for Maddy. We were best friends before senior year. 

“Did you stop being friends with me before?”

“Well yeah, but it was just a small argument about Maddy.” 

“Your girlfriend Maddy?” 

“Yeah. Wait, you remember?”

“I’m starting to.” 

I don’t have feelings for him, do I? I can’t. I have to focus on anything but Sawyer. 

“We should get home Sawyer.”

“I agree. It’s getting late.” 

While we’re driving home ‘Perfect’ by Ed Sheeran starts playing and for a few minutes all I can think about is him, and then like it was natural, he started holding my hand. Like we had done it thousands of times before. But just as quickly as it came, it left. We were at my house, but something deep inside was telling me to just kiss him, and so I did just that. He kissed back without hesitation and it was like a perfect love story. 

“Oh my god Maddy”

Maddy was watching from the front door of his house. 

“I’ve got to go, I’m sorry Hailey.”

“It’s alright.”

I ran inside, up to my room, and just smiled. Okay, I have to admit I did a little happy dance. I’m starting to remember everything all at once. Every little detail of Sawyer and I. I think I love him. My phone starts to ring and it’s Sawyer, so I’m going to pick up. 

“Hi, Sawyer.”

“Hey, Hailey.”

“Are you starting to remember more?”

I didn’t know whether to tell him that I did or not. I can just skip over the subject. Yeah, that’s about right. 

“So...how was the talk with you and Maddy?”

“Oh..we broke up.”

“Oh hold on can I put you on mute for a sec?”

“Sure.”

Oh my god. Oh my god. Yes. Yes. Yes. And there I was doing my happy dance again. I should probably take him off mute now. Yeah, that’s a good idea. 

“Hey sorry, my mom was yelling at me.”

“You didn’t take me off mute.”

“You heard the whole thing?”

“Uh yeah.”

And then he laughed at me. Wow. Does he think that my embarrassment is funny?

“Is my embarrassment that funny?”

“Yes very.”

“Wanna hang out tomorrow?”

“It’s a date.”

“Where should we go?”

“Wanna go to the lake?”

“Sure!”

And we both hang up. A date at the lake. YES. YES. YES. Anyway, I should probably go to bed now. I wake up to the sound of footsteps. And then my door opens and it’s my mom. 

“Honey get dressed. Sawyers here.” 

“Okay okay.” 

I get dressed, apply some but not much makeup. You know the cute, natural look. 

“Hey, you ready Hailey?”

“Yep.”

As we’re driving, he starts playing ‘I lived’ by Kenny Packer and we start singing. When we arrive we run down to the lake. He frolics into the lake and starts splashing me. 

“Get in, or are you too much of a wuss to do it.”

And he splashes me again.

“Okay, okay no need to splash.”

I jump in. But wait where is he? 

“Sawyer? Sawyer? Come on this isn’t funny where are you.”

“Oh my god, Sawyer.” 

All I saw was his cold dead body floating at the surface of the lake. I belted into tears. As I’m trying to swim him back to the edge of the lake, I can’t stop crying. I hurry to call the police. 

“H-Hello”

“Yes, what’s wrong ma’am?”

“My best friend, h-he’s”

“He’s what?”

“H-He drowned”

“What’s your location?”

“We’re at West Point Lake.”

“Okay, I’m sending an ambulance your way.”

I couldn’t stop seeing his dimples when he smiled or the way he looked when he was happy. I was overwhelmingly sad. He didn’t deserve to die. The EMTs carried him to the ambulance with a stretcher and told me to stay with him and reassured me, and me that everything would be alright. 

A few days later I decided that it was best for me to go to school. I had wanted to make a speech about him. It just felt like the right thing to do. 

I get ready to go to school and leave. I haven’t been talking to anyone lately but today is different. Today is a new day. After a few hours of being at school, we all gather in the gym. Time for me to say my speech. 

“He was a son, a boyfriend, and a friend. Everyone loved and adored him. He was a straight-A student and never missed a class. I never thought I’d have to make a speech for him this early. He was a brilliant person and a kind-hearted friend. He even donated money to charities. He was my bestfriend and I loved him. He helped me through one of the toughest parts of my life. He helped me remember things I didn’t know I could. If it weren’t for him I wouldn’t be alive. A few days ago I kept thinking that I should’ve died in that lake, but now I realized that he is in a better place now. May he rest in peace.“ 

As I left the gym that afternoon I felt as if he were with me and I had to say one last goodbye to him.

“Goodbye Sawyer.”