Blind Panic

Ping!

            Angelica’s body twitched but her breath remained smooth and tranquil in deep sleep. 

            Ping!

            She twitched again, this time rolling onto her side, unconsciously ignoring the alarm to get up.   

            Ping! Her eyes opened, yet darkness remained. The sticky black void that was her vision, or lack there-of, was a constant reminder of how Angelica was separate from the world. She cleared her throat and said, “hey Siri, shut off the alarm.”

            A silence to match the blackness of her visual field…

            “…sorry I didn’t catch that.” Irritation scratched at her skin as she rolled back onto her back. “Hey Siri, shut OFF the ALARM.”

            Another thick pause of silence, like waiting to hear news that you intuitively know is going to suck.

            “…sorry, I’m having trouble hearing you. Could you…”

            “Hey SIRI, COULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP.” Her voice tore through the darkness like a shockwave of emotion. She balled her fists and pushed them against her eyes. 

            “Ok.” Came a perfectly pleasant and tepid voice from her nightstand. Angelica huffed and sat up. She placed her bare feet on the cool hardwood, it groaned and creaked as she stood up like it understood her situation.

            “Beans. Come.” The sound of her golden retriever reluctantly stirring from the other side of her bed made the corner of her mouth twitch up slightly. She felt the soft tickle of his wet nose on her leg and she scratched him behind his ears, enjoying the gentle waft of clean from his freshly shampooed fur. She couldn’t really point out the smell the pet store used to wash him, it wasn’t floral, or herbal…it just smelled clean. 

            “Find harness.” She stated to Beans and she heard the clacking scratches of his paws on the hardwood as he went to retrieve his harness. 

She heard the loud crash and beeps from the garbage truck outside as it moved along her street and the sharp staccato of the sprinklers watering lawns, she smelled fresh cut grass and the cloying sweetness of honeysuckle: the sounds and smells of 6 am. 

            Familiar clacking scratches signaled the return of Beans, as he bumped her hand with a sturdy, cold, and angular contraption that was his harness. She began to pat the soft contours of his face and body, affixing the harness around him; pulling and fastening it together feeling the plastic move into place with a sharp snap. She padded with her hands back up to the grip of her harness, standing up straight.

            “Beans, find bathroom.” Beans panted softly, his morning breath making Angelica’s nose wrinkle slightly. “Oh buddy, I need to get you a tik tac or something.” She muttered into the darkness. 

            The wood floor changed into an even colder and slick tile and the echo of Beans’ pants bounced off the acoustics of her bathroom. He stopped and she toed the area where she could do her morning business. 

            “You better not be watching Beans.” She said, still hearing his pants echo off the walls of the bathroom and smelling his particularly rank morning breath.

            She got up and patted over to the sink as a sharp clang and crash from outside her room made her freeze. Even Beans’ rhythmic pants ceased as he listened, too. Heavy footfalls on the hardwood and hushed low voices in her hallway as she felt her way through the darkness to find the doorhandle and close it just enough to hide behind it as the hardwood creaked and groaned with the heavy weight of the intruder inching closer to her room. 

            Angelica felt her heart hammering wildly in her chest and her blood felt electric in her veins as she tried to echo the dark void before her eyes with her silent breath. Beans stood quietly at her side, but his pants were like a homing beacon to their position. 

            Her breath caught in her throat and her mind was a cyclone of anxiety, as she stood helplessly in the darkness. She heard the heavy footfalls and slow breath of her intruder slowly enter her room.

Please go away, please go away.

            More creaks and groans of the hardwood with closing proximity made her breath stop in her lungs and her blood freeze in her veins. A hot tear streaked down her face as her chin and lips trembled, her knees buckled. Beans gently whined at her feet and the door to the bathroom gently pushed open. Angelica placed her hand over her mouth, feeling the cold sweat accumulate on her upper lip and the tears collect on her fingers. Her breath trapped in her chest as she waited for the ironic inevitable of her being seen to finally occur. 

            “Oh fuck! Jesus, there’s someone here!” A baritone voice sliced through the darkness, thick with her fear and trembling. Angelica squeaked behind her tensed fingers and felt her knees give out and she slumped on the floor.

            “I…I’m blind…please…” Angelica stammered out through choked sobs. Beans whimpered at her side; she felt the soft cold prod of his nose on her cheek.

             More hurried creaks and groans in the hallway signaled the impending arrival of a second intruder. The footsteps entered the room and stopped abruptly at the bathroom with the heavy breaths of the baritone intruder. They began talking in hushed tones.

            “You said, no one was going to be here!” A whispered shout of a higher pitched male voice. Like the whine of a cold engine on a winter morning.

“She’s blind man…” Baritone man whispered lowly.

“Yeah, well…now what do we do?” Whiny man spits back still in a whispered shout. “This was your idea, so you handle it.” 

Angelica’s heart sputters as she hears their conversation. She feels Beans’ nose on her wrist, nudging her watch into her thigh. He whines gently and nudges her wrist as she takes a sharp inhale of breath feeling fresh hot tears stream down her face. Beans whines and nudged her wrist again and like a lightning rod down her spine, she pads over her watch and presses and holds a small button on the side. She feels the quiet haptic feedback of the watch, hoping that it did what she was hoping it was doing. She pulls her legs up to her chest, feeling Beans’ head under her chin as she blinks into the thick darkness, straining to hear how Whiny and Baritone were going to, “handle,” her. 

            Heavy footfalls, creaking hardwood, the bathroom door swinging open, and a firm calloused hand wrapped around Angelica’s arms, and she yelps as he forces her up to her feet. Beans barks as Baritone pulls her out of the bathroom and into her room. He pulls her back feeling the edge of her bed on her calves and he sets her down. Beans barks again as she sits trembling in darkness, wondering what happens next.

Please, please let me live.

            His heavy footfalls head left, then right, then left…then stops. Angelica holds her breath, the sprinklers spat sharply outside in the thick silence. 

            “You can’t see anything at all?” His thick voice says into the darkness. Angelica’s breath catches in her throat and feels Beans put his head in her lap.

            “No…nothing.” She says a spark of hope in the cold desperate void and another pause.

            “Do you know where the keys are?” Baritone says, heavy footsteps heading towards where she sat trembling on the bed. Angelica’s brow furrowed together; her fingers twitched at the sensation of hard cold metal with ridges on one side.

            “Keys?” She couldn’t drive and they were already in her house.

            “The crypto keys…where are they?” Baritone spat out, frustration building in his tone.

            It took a few seconds for her to finally understand but then she remembered a call one day from her brother, Miguel. He was speaking so quickly that she almost couldn’t understand. At the time, Angelica had no idea what Bitcoin was, but it didn’t take her long to catch up as loans, car payments, mortgages and all other manners of debt were suddenly paid off in a manner of days for her and her family.

            Angelica wiped her nose and took a shuddered inhale. She didn’t know how she was going to do this.

            “I don’t have them.” An exasperated huff from Baritone, the floor creaks as he takes several steps away from her and she placed her hands on either side of her legs, balling the sheets in her fists.

            “But I know how to get them.” Another silent pause, the rustling of the trees outside yielding to a gust of summer wind fills the gaps of quiet air between them.

            “Tell me.” Baritone’s steps land directly in front of her, and she feels the heat from his body close to her knees. She feels way too vulnerable, and the tremors pick up again.

            “I’ll tell you if you let Beans and I go.” She whispers, her head low, feeling his gaze on the top of her head as she imagined he would be looking down on her from where she hears his breathing. 

            Clipped footfalls hurry through the hallway and an exasperated cry as Whiney re-enters the room.

            “We gotta go, now!” Whiney says in a clear panic. Sirens begin to sound down the street and grow louder by the second, threatening to red shift into the danger zone for Baritone and Whiney. The tension in Angelica’s chest begins to loosen as a new spark of hope brightens the void.

            “What the hell? How?” Baritone barks.

            “It doesn’t matter, we gotta dip, now, let’s go!” Whiney spits and more hurried footsteps retreat down the hall signaling his exit. Baritone takes a few long steps towards her bedroom door and then stops. The sirens gaining speed and getting louder with every passing second. 

Then she hears his heavy footsteps in 3 long strides and Baritone is in her face, his breath washes over her cheeks and displaces her hair as he says in a low and dangerous tone, “Next time I’m here, you had better know where that private key is.” Her breath halts as he hovers over her for a moment. Then she hears three more long heavy strides and Baritone exits her room. Angelica exhales all the tension in her body and begins to sob as the sirens wail at the front of her house. She feels the wet rough swipe of Beans’ tongue on her face as she wipes the tears from her eyes. 

            The police cars screech to a stop in front of her house and she begins to stand as she thinks of Baritone’s parting words, “next time I’m here…” She swallows and thinks about how she can be ready for when he comes back; how she can be prepared and not clamber around in the thick fog of fear and uncertainty. She takes the handle of Beans’ harness and says in a shaky breath, “find the front door Beans.”

She hears the pounding of fists on the front door and the shouts of the different police officers outside.

“Next time I’m here…” she hears his low voice in her mind again…

The next time you’re here, I’ll be ready. She thinks and steadies her breath.

I may be blind, but I will not be made a victim for it.