Campfire Confessions

There was always something freeing about being in the woods with nature surrounded by tall trees which looked like they reached to the heavens. I had taken many trips to the woods alone when I needed to think and reconnect with myself. My trips were usually taken after bad breakups, job endings, job beginnings, new beginnings and just because. My best friend, Reese, was going through some things that life throws at you all at once. She had to face a lot of hard balls coming at her all at once. In a time span of a few months her mom died suddenly, her boyfriend broke up with her and moved to another city with another woman, her dog got sick and almost died and she lost her job she had been working for ten years. She really needed a girls getaway to my special place. She needed to look at the tall trees and walk in the sunshine and watch the marvelous setting of the sun at the end of the day. 

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I knew who it was.

“Hey, Reese. Are you ready for our trip?” I asked.

“As ready as I'll ever be. You know that I haven’t been camping in the woods since I was ten years old. That was right before…Well, right before you know.” Reese said as her voice trailed off. 

“I know. That was a horrible time. Death is always hard no matter who dies. But, this is going to be a fun trip. We both need to get away. I’m shopping at the store right now getting some last minute snacks. Any special requests?” I asked.

“Elena, you already know. I want some s'mores. Get the stuff to make s'mores with. I love s'mores and haven’t had them in forever and get lots of marshmallows and hot chocolate.” Reese said, laughing. 

“I got you girl. I think I got enough food to last us a month. And yes, I already know it is just for 3 days but you know me.” I said.

“Better than anyone except your mama.” Reese laughed.

I packed up my Subaru Forester which I had inherited from my grandmother and headed to my friend, my best friend, Reese’s house twenty minutes away. I loved her house. It was painted red. The only red house on the block and also the only house on the block where all the neighborhood cats hung out. I teased her often about being the cat woman of the block. I pulled up into the driveway and started to honk the horn but I didn’t have to. Reese waved at me and bent down to pick up the two bags at her feet. 

“Hey, let’s go! I am ready for this adventure.” Reese threw her bags in the back seat and I backed out of the driveway and waved to the cats on the porch.  

It was a beautiful day and we sang dumb camp songs we learned in the many summer camps we attended as kids. Reese actually had a great singing voice. My voice didn’t compare to hers. I thought that instead of being a librarian she should have been a singer. But, Reese was too shy to sing in front of a lot of people and refused to even join the church choir. She told me that she would be too nervous to stand up there in front of the whole church congregation singing. 

The walk through the woods was incredible, peaceful and relaxing. Beauty was all around us and we soaked in every scent of it, every sight of it. We didn’t talk, we just walked. We listened to the birds, the sounds of the leaves falling from the trees, our own footsteps. We sipped bottled water and walked back to the campground. 

“That was nice.” Reese said as she took out one of the ice chests from the car. 

“It really was.” I agreed. 

“Ready to eat?” I asked Reese.

Each of us grabbed the supplies from the car and set them out on the fold out table. Near the table we set up two folding chairs and in the middle of all of that we started a campfire. The smell of beans, hot dogs, s'mores and burnt marshmallows filled the air and wine filled our glasses. It was not long before we were both stuffed with s'mores and filled with wine. Wine has always had a way of not only relaxing us but bringing out stuff buried deep inside of our souls. 

Reese grabbed another marshmallow and in a few seconds was stuffing her mouth with burnt marshmallow deliciousness. I did the same and we both laughed. 

“I have something to tell you.” Reese turned and looked at me as she adjusted the blanket on her lap.

“What is it?” I asked, sipping my wine. 

“Remember back in the 8th grade when I told you that Tommy Dunker dumped you because he liked Rainbow Ellis?” Reese asked.

“I remember. I remember you said that he wasn't worth crying over. He was a jerk and if he could not see how nice and beautiful I was, forget him.” I said, laughing.

“Well, I lied. He dumped you because he liked me. But, I couldn’t like him because he dumped you and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings so I made up the story about Rainbow Ellis.” Reese said.

“I knew that.” I said.

“No, when did you find out?” Reese asked, opening her big green eyes wide.

“I found out a week later when Rainbow called me and told me that there was a rumor that he liked you and asked me if it was true. I told her I didn’t know but I figured it was. I saw the way he used to look at you during recess. So, I already knew but let you believe that lie you told me to protect me.” I said, laughing.

“Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle. All these years you knew.” Reese laughed.

“I have something else to tell you. This one is serious. I never told anyone. Not even my mom.” Reese said.

“Okay, I’m listening.” I said as I stuffed another marshmallow in my mouth. 

“You remember when I used to go out with Gary Stevens right?” Reese asked.

“Yes, I never did like him.  There was always something about him I didn’t trust. Like a gut feeling.” I said.

“Well, your gut was right. At first things were all good. He brought me flowers, candy for no reason, little notes on my car saying how much he cared, calls saying the same and he even brought me other little gifts. I thought he was the perfect man for me. He was handsome, funny, could cook, and you know I like a man who  could cook, and he was smart. But, he was also something else. About a year into the relationship an ex boyfriend called me out of the blue. Remember Rob Spence? He called just to ask about some real estate in the area he was thinking of buying. He was getting married and his future wife had gotten a job in town and they were moving.  I thought nothing of it and I told him what he wanted to know but Gary thought I was trying to get back together with Rob. I told him that was not the case. “

“Oh, I knew he was a jerk.” I said.

“Wait there is more. That was the first time I saw another side of him. He yelled and screamed and cursed. I tried to calm him down but there was nothing I could say that made a difference. He walked out that night and I didn’t hear from him for three days. When I did he acted like nothing happened. Girl, he was so loud that I thought one of the neighbors was going to call the cops.” 

“Oh wow! I didn’t know it was like that.” I said.

“I know I never told you. After he called and tried to say he was more than sorry and he overreacted I told him that I couldn’t have someone in my life like that. I told him I was done and we were done.  I thought that was it. I thought that I would never have to see him again. I did notice that he was hanging around my building in the parking lot and that made me nervous . I told him to stop. And he didn’t so I had to get a restraining order. I was so scared of what he might do. After that I didn't see him again. But, then I found out something else.” Reese continued.

“What was that?” I asked, holding back tears.

“I found out that I was carrying his child. I was shocked. “ Reese said.

I almost spit out my wine and had to close my mouth. This was a shock to me. My friend of almost 15 years never told me that she was pregnant. I moved my chair closer to hers and reached out and gave her a side hug.  I patted her shoulder. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? You know I would have been there for you.” I said.

“I know I should have but I was in total shock. I had planned to tell you though and I had planned to keep the baby. I was going to raise him or her on my own. But, I never got the chance. I was through my first trimester, barely, and I was coming home from work. I remember it was an unseasonably hot day in February and I was fanning myself with a folder as I walked inside my apartment. I threw my purse and keys on the couch and was heading to the bathroom when I saw him.  He was standing there ten feet in front of me. I don’t know how he got inside my place. All  I knew was that I was scared to death.” Reese said, shaking.

“I wish I was there for you. I am so sorry you had to go through this alone.” I said.

“I didn't know what to do. I knew that I didn’t want to tell him about the baby. I didn’t know why he was in my place. I could not wrap my head around it. We were done. I hadn’t seen him in months and now he is standing right there in front of me. What the hell? He did not say a word at first and neither did I.  A few minutes, of what seemed like hours, he walked towards the couch and sat down as if we were old friends or something.  I sat on the chair across from him. I didn’t know what to do but I figured that I would sit and think of a plan. I have never been so scared in my life. I thought he was going to kill me. “ Reese continued.

All I could think of saying was that I was sorry. I couldn't imagine the horror she felt at that moment. 

“He smiled. An evil smile. I had never seen such a smile in my life but knew it was evil. I looked around the room quickly looking for a weapon in case I had to fight. I didn’t see anything I could use. You know he was a big man, over six feet tall and over 200 pounds and he looked like he was bigger now. I eyed the silver candlesticks my mom had given me when aunt Betty passed away and thought that I could use those if I had to. He held out something in his hand and waved it at me. I didn’t even notice he had anything in his hand when I walked in. It was a picture. I then realized it was my sonogram  picture I had on the fridge of the baby. The pit in my stomach got bigger.” 

“What did you do?” I asked.

“Well, he stood up and waved the picture in my face and he screamed, why didn’t I tell him? I didn't know what to say except that I just found out and was going to tell him. I lied. I needed to try to get away from this man. I knew that much. I stood up too and held my hands on my stomach. I I even offered him some tea.  I was trying to buy some time to think about what to do. He  accepted. I don’t know why because he was not a tea drinker. But, maybe he thought that would calm me down for the sake of the baby. I don’t know. I went into the kitchen and he was behind me. He sat down at the kitchen table and asked if we could talk. I had no intention of ever talking to his man again but now he was in front of me in my kitchen sitting at my kitchen table. I told him that I was happy about the baby. And I lied and said that we could be a family like he always wanted. The evil smile left his face for a minute. I thought maybe he believed it. But, his actions said he didn’t. He stood up from the table and so did I and he pushed me. I landed near the stove. I grabbed on to the end of the stove so I would not fall down.  My legs seemed weak. He yelled at me about lying to him and he hates people who lie.” Reese continued.

I was sitting with my friend thinking I should have been there for her but I wasn’t and she had to go through this all alone with a crazed man. 

“I shoved him back as hard as I could. But he barely moved. He was too big and my shoves were too little. He took a step back and  he raised his hand and slapped me. It was a hard slap. I almost fell but I didn’t. I had to be strong for the baby. Just then the tea kettle whistled. In an instant I grabbed it and threw the hot water in his face. He screamed and backed up. I ran for the front door. He cussed at me still screaming and holding his burnt face. I bolted. All I can remember is running down the stairs and the next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital.”  Reese said, crying.

I wiped her tears away and mine too. 

“According to the police the neighbor next door heard all the screaming and she called the cops. They got there in a few minutes but by that time he had recovered enough from the hot water on his face and had pushed me down the last flight of steps. I must have gotten knocked out from the fall. When the cops got there he was standing over me with a knife in his hand. He was going to kill me. They stopped him. The ambulance came and took me to the hospital. I lost the baby. “ Reese said.

“I don’t know what to say except that I am so sorry. “ I said, hugging my friend in a tight hug.

“He didn’t go to trial. He pleaded guilty to assault in the first degree and he got the max of 20 years in jail. But, that is not long enough if you ask me to kill my baby.” Reese said as tears started streaming out of her eyes again.

“No, it’s not enough.” I agreed.

For the rest of the night we sat holding each other and barely said another word. When morning came we hiked and we listened to the birds chirping and the trees swaying in the cool breeze. We sipped water and from time to time pointed out the beautiful nature which surrounded us.  Reese broke our silence on the way back.

“You know what?” She asked.

“What?” I said.

“I should have killed that bastard.” She said,

I looked into her eyes and wrapped my long arms around her and squeezed with all my strength in the tightest bear hug I could give her and then I told her, “I am glad you didn’t.” 

We both smiled and walked back to the campsite hand in hand like two old friends.