Sunny Days

Sunny stared at the photo she didn't remember taking. Who was that stick-thin figure with no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes, white as a ghost. She gasped, goodness me, it was her! She dredged her brain and tried to think when the photo had been taken. Maybe Ashley took it.

She tried to meditate to escape from her thoughts, but all she could do was to go over the past months. Usually she could focus on her young grandson with his cheery smile, blond wavy hair and deep brown eyes, but today she kept reminiscing, with interjections from that morbid voice that never left her for long,

It had been her husband Ashley who had found the lump. A two centimetre firm painless nodule just outside the nipple of her left breast.

She had visited her GP with trepidation and knew from the look on her face that she too had concerns that it might be cancer. Dr Elliott quickly phoned and booked a mammogram. It showed disordered microcalcification in the lump. The biopsy was just three days later and when Dr Elliott phoned Sunny to come in with her husband, Sunny had her fear confirmed.

The 'c' word had always terrorised her, as she had watched her mother and aunt both succumb to breast cancer, and Ashley had had a fright last year with what turned out to be a benign black skin lesion and not the dreaded melanoma.

The had both retired. Sunny had been a school teacher and Ashley had worked at the Water Corporation. Their plans for retirement had to be put on hold now. They had already been delayed because of the COVID epidemic, but in March, just four months away, they had intended to go to Japan on an organised tour. Now that seemed in jeopary again.

Looking forward couldn't really comfort her. She had always been a 'glass half empty' person and prone to bouts of depression, and her mother seemed to be haunting her from the grave- 'I told you to be careful.'

Today she pulled her jacket firmly around her bony shoulders with an involuntary shiver, as she watched the drip. Her mouth was sore with a bitter sort of taste that took away her appetite, but Ashley and her daughter Jenny urged her to drink Ensure and kept tempting her with her former favourite foods. Strangely, she just fancied McDonalds' icecreams.

Jake had a strong bond with Sunny as she had minded him after school while Jenny was working and she carried his photograph in her purse. Today she remember Jake had drawn her a picture which she also kept with her. She had laughed when she saw the picture of her in bed with no hair and a grim smile. For Jake's sake she smiled now. She mustn't let her pessimism rub off onto Jake.

Thinking about his school assembly two weeks ago lifted her mood and took her mind off the drip as it delivered its healing chemicals into her blood stream.

Every day Ashley had driven her to the hospital for radiotherapy. He had surprised her with a new car, a bright red Barina which was an automatic, so her swollen left arm didn't have to handle the gear stick. She was getting used to the pressure garment for her lymphoedema. The veins in her right arm were too thin, and she had a port in her chest wall for the chemotherapy. Her skin still prickled from the 'sunburn' after the radiotherapy, Her thoughts had drifted away from the meditation and she chided herself for letting her mind wander.

Focussing on the colours of springtime she ate up the delicious reds and yellows of the bottle brush and wattle. She thought about the candle-like banksias and white and red flowering gums which were starting to appear. The silver gums bowed under the weight of their red gumnuts, the new gums planted along the avenue sprouted new red tips which swayed about in the breeze.

Her mind relaxed and her body eased back into a more comfortable position in the bed. A nurse came to check on the drip and Sunny asked her about Elise. Sunny knew Elise had refused chemotherapy for her liver cancer and had opted for surgery, They had met two months ago in the cancer clinic and Sunny was amazed at her cheerful attitude. However the nurse had bad news and Sunny was sorry she had asked.

Her eyes filled with tears as her own future seemed bleak after she learned Elise had died. She tried so hard to keep her mind on the colours of spring flowers and the warmth of the soft breeze gently blowing their branches. Unfortunately all she could see now were the brown skeletons of dead Banksias and the browny red carpet where the bottle brush flowers had fall to the ground.

The nurse sat with her for a while and diverted the conversation to Jake's assembly,

'Did you go?'

'Yes I did. and Jake's class acted the story of the Buffalo.'

Sunny had listened to him practising his part so often that she mouthed the words as he spoke them. They had all dressed up as the animals. When her own children had had assemblies, Sunny's busy work schedule usually prevented her from going.'

'I wish...' said Sunny, and scolded herself. 'I shouldn't says that, it's no use thinking about things I missed out on.'

The nurse laughed.

'"Should" isn't allowed in our vocabulary, You're doing so well and things have progressed a lot since your mother's experience. Is Ashley coming in today?'

'Yes he's just at Bunnings picking up some sealant for the decking. We had the pool relined and new decking, and a heater for the pool water, so it is ready for me to swim and get fit when I'm finished here.'

'That will be good exercise for you, and right in time for Christmas.'

Sunny knew she was correct. Elise had looked forward to Christmas. Sunny went quiet again.

We're spending the day with Terry and Louise, and Chantelle, with Jake and Terry's two girls.'

The nurse had to move on to another bedside, and Sunny started thinking about Christmas, and the end of chemotherapy. There had been so many past Chrismases full of joy and goodwill, and she allowed herself to think about Japan as well. She let her mind focus on the plans she and Ashley had for their retirement.

She sighed and smiled, She could always wear a beanie.