Oh Crap! I Love My Wife

Number twenty-six rushes for thirteen yards and it’s a touchdown for the Lions. Joe Simms delivers a series of high-fives and chest bumps to his drinking buddies at The Lion’s Den Sports Bar and Grill. The pretty young waitress with the tight top and even tighter bottoms delivers the round of drinks Joe bought his table. She does so with a wink of the eye, a playful grin, and a pop of the hip. Joe smiles back and gives her a cocky smile, relishing the flirtatious vibe between them. The field goal is good. The crowd erupts again as the Lion’s take the lead. Joe waves the waitress back for a round of wings and little playful banter.

This is Joe’s nightly ritual after work. On the weekends, he relaxes in front of the TV watching a game, drinking beer. That’s the great thing about Detroit. They have all four major sports teams, so there’s always a game on. If it’s not the Lions, then the Pistons or Red Wings are televised. During the summer, it’s all about the Tigers. And who in Michigan doesn’t love the Wolverines? If that’s not enough, Joe pays for several sports packages that give him reason not to move from the couch when home.

During half-time, Joe’s friend, Tommy, comes shuffling in with his head hung low. The guys give him hell for being late and missing a good first half as he takes a seat. Joe pours him a glass of beer from their pitcher and sets it in front of him, “Bottoms up, Tommy. You’ve got some catching up to do.”

Tommy stares into the beer as if his future lay at the bottom. “It’s over,” he says softly.

“I’m sorry, what’s over, Tom?”

“Marie… She’s leaving me and taking the kids. She has been seeing some lawyer in the burbs. She says he treats her and the girls really good.”

“She was taking your kids around this guy… behind your back?”

“Yeah, Joe, isn’t that messed up.”

“Well, we need to find this homewrecker and teach him a lesson.”

“She says it was my fault, Joey. She says I wasn’t attentive enough to her needs, or the needs of the children. She said I was never there and when I was, I was too invested in my sports to help her around the house or with the kids,” Tommy says, taking his first sip of beer.

“Yeah, but you put in forty, fifty hours a week at the office. She should understand that. This guy is just playing her. He’ll be the same way.”

“I don’t know, Joe. Marie knew his wife before she passed away from cancer. That’s how she knows this guy. She says the woman was one of the happiest people she knew because of how attentive this guy was.”

“For one, that’s bull. For two, it doesn’t matter. Marriage is for life.”

“That’s what I said. She came back with, ‘It’s not supposed to be a prison sentence, Tommy.’ That hit hard.”

“Why didn’t she say anything, give you a chance to change?”

“She said that she did say something. I don’t remember it. She said she did, and that I was too focused on the playoffs to pay attention to her.”

The crowd erupts again. Joe glances up at the television, then down at his beer like his future lay at the bottom. The waitress comes over in her flirtatious way to deliver their wings. She sees his long face and gives him a bump with her bare thigh. “Cheer up, sweetie. We’re winning.” Joe forces a smile but refrains from flirting back.

“So, there’s nothing you can do to get them to stay?”

“I told her how much I love her. I told her how much I need her. I told her how much I love and will miss the kids. I promised to change. She said it was too late. She didn’t love me anymore.”

“Sorry, Tommy, I have to go,” Joe says, standing up. “Guys, I’ll see you later. I need to run.”

The guys taunt him as he makes his way to the bar to settle his tab. Then it’s out the door to hail a cab. Joe anxiously tries to flag down a ride. It takes a couple minutes before a cab sees him and pulls over. He gives the driver his address and sits back. He contemplates what he is going to say to his wife when he gets home. He makes a list of things about himself that he is going to change - spend quality time with all of them, help around the house and with the kids, communicate and show them his love. The list goes on.

The cab comes to a dead stop as traffic backs up. Joe shifts impatiently in his seat as it takes the driver five minutes to move three feet. Joe reaches for his wallet, pulls out a wad of cash, and throws it at the driver. Thanking him, Joe gets out of the car and begins to jog home.

He runs past the restaurant where he and his wife had their first date. He remembers how young and innocent they were, nervously venturing into a new relationship. He tried to be cool and impress her by opening the champagne. He had never opened champagne before. He ended up hitting her in the forehead with the cork. She was okay and it lightened the mood, loosened them up. They talked and laughed all night long. He runs past the park where he got down on one knee and proposed to her. He declared his love to the woman he desired above all others. He had only eyes for her when he asked her to be his wife. She said yes with tears of joy in her eyes. He runs past the church where they were married. It was where her father entrusted him with his daughter’s safety and happiness for the rest of her life. It is where he made lifelong promises that he has failed to live up to, but better late than never. He runs past the hospital where his children were born. Where each time her bravery outmatched anything he had ever faced to bring joy and love into their home. He runs past another park, the one where they would picnic and play. Where he taught his kids to play football. His wife played with them in a backwards ballcap and an old, oversized jersey from his high school days. Looking cuter than any model or movie star. Finally, he reaches the street where they bought their first house. She made it a home. It was her flare for decorating and commitment to family that transcended wood and nail into a place of love and laughter.

Joe barges in the front door, sweaty, red in the face, his tie draped over his shoulder. His wife is folding laundry while cooking dinner and helping their youngest with his homework.

“Honey, what are you doing home so early?”

Breathlessly, Joe replies, “I’m here to help. Put that down. I’ll do it. I’ll finish dinner. I’ll help Sam. You go lay down until supper.”

His wife looks at him with a confused smile and says, “Okay,” and wanders into the bedroom, wondering what has come over her husband.

After dinner, Joe tells his wife to find something she would like to watch that is streaming on TV while he cleans up the kitchen. When he’s done, he sits on the couch and puts him around her. She snuggles in, putting her head on his chest. “I love you, Kelly. I don’t ever want to lose you. I haven’t been the best husband, but that’s going to change. You and the kids can expect more help and more attention from now on. Except for Sundays. That’s for football.”