Enid's Recklessness

(TW// self-harm, alcohol abuse, illness and death)

Enid had woken up from a coma with her daughter holding her hand tightly. Her daughter became overjoyed in relief that she was finally conscious and hugged her firmly, but Enid hastily punched the back of her head. At that instant, Enid’s daughter jumped right back up, staring at her mother in shock with her eyes wide-open as well as her eyebrows frowning, taking a few steps back. Enid released her oxygen mask powerfully and glared at her daughter in trepidation, vigorously shaking her head in high speed. Enid’s daughter rushed to her mother, but Enid pushed her away.

“Mum, it’s me, Gabrielle,” said Gabrielle, as she forcefully maintained a wide smile. “Your little Angel, your only child.”

“I don’t know any Gabrielle,” answered Enid, bluntly. Enid’s face was unemotional, and she visually examined her daughter as if she were a completely stranger. Afterwards, she turned her back to Gabrielle and tried to return to sleep. Gabrielle stood motionless with only her head moving as she looked up to the ceiling and pondered about what to do next. Tears came rolling down her face in reaction to the unanticipated rejection from her mother and she finally dropped to the ground as if she suddenly became paralysed in her legs. It was not the first time Gabrielle displayed those actions as constant dismissal and feelings of ostracization became a norm following a tragedy that changed her life forever.

Gabrielle never spoke about it as she blocked it out of her mind. Before that, she lived in a loving family. Growing up, she was also Enid’s little angel, even playing the angel in the nativity plays at church, the “Angel Gabrielle” since no boy was up for the role. Even though she didn’t come from a rich family, her parents would gift her finest toys every Christmas which made her feel on the top of the world. Everyday when she woke up, she would stick a smile on her face and was excited for the rest of the day. Gabrielle adored school and the exhilarated little, curly-haired girl would rush to get ready. Depending on the day, sometimes her mum took her to school and sometimes her dad took her to school. Whoever it was, Gabrielle shared full energy to her parents walking to the building, informing them of the latest school affairs, constantly reminding them how many schoolfriends she has, their birthdays and describing her class teacher in an extremely positive light. When she and her parent reached the beginning of her school’s road, her hand was released and she skipped to the entrance, waiting for her parent to catch up. Her parent kissed her goodbye and routinely told her to ‘behave’.

At school, Gabrielle was the leader of her gang of friends which made up just over half of the class. Everyone desired to be her friend because her presence spread a cheerful environment and she usually had a trendy fashion style, wearing the latest jeans and sneakers. Additionally, she owned a mobile phone, a pink flip-phone which she demonstrated to her friends, showing the games and internet features on it.

One day after being absent for a week, she returned to school. She was soaking wet from the despicable weather as it rained cats and dogs, ruining her hair, making it look completely thin. It was the only day where Gabrielle came into school in an appalling mood, where neither her parents brought her to school but a social worker. Gradually, she walked up the stairs to the classroom and when she opened the door, everyone stared at her, but their faces were not positive. The room of thirty children and one teacher was entirely dead silent that even you would hear a fly if it passed. Gabrielle became incredibly anxious, trembling as she sat down on her place with the usual classmate next to her cautiously pulling himself away from her.

At break time, she dashed to her best friend hopefully to speak with her but was met with discontent.

“Sorry Gabrielle, but I don’t want to be friends with you anymore,” declared her best friend and walked away.

Gabrielle’s world came crashing down and was disheartened by the fact that she lost her best friend for a situation that wasn’t her fault. She sat on the bench in the middle of the playground and wailed loudly but no one hurried to comfort her. Instead, some children steadily gathered in front of her forming a circle, glaring at her but not saying anything. She slowly lifted her head up eyeing every child that watched her.

“It wasn’t my fault,” she shouted at them, tearfully. She stood up and repeatedly screaming and demanding for everyone to go away, in which the children did in response.

It wasn’t only in school where she was met with ostracization but at home too. As the days went by, one more wine bottle would be added up in the fridge and Enid was never feeling well, often taking her anger out on Gabrielle. From that year, Gabrielle would no longer receive the best toys, the best clothes and even Enid violently destroyed her precious mobile phone.

“You don’t need it anymore!” she yelled. “You don’t need all of this!”

For years, Gabrielle was rarely provided with the love and care she yearned for and was frequently shut out of Enid’s presence. Gabrielle quarantined herself in her bedroom where she would stay there when doing homework or going to bed. Although she tried to prohibit the major event when daydreaming, occasionally her mum’s old car would pop up in her mind. It was a regular, five-seated Volkswagen silver car in good condition. Since Gabrielle lived five minutes away from her, a car wasn’t needed for her to go to school. The car was mostly used for shopping and long journeys.

At one weekend, Gabrielle was with her father and her scooter, while Enid was getting ready for a work conference that was located far away. Gabrielle was wearing two adorable pigtails on either side of her shiny, smooth, dark, brown, doll-like hair tied up with pink, butterfly, elastic hair bands. She wore a white t-shirt, which had five little cute baby angels painted on it, a lengthy, pink, maxi skirt that reached her shins and pink ballet-like shoes. Even her scooter was pink. Suddenly, she felt her tummy rumbling non-stop, which ceased her from riding her scooter, placing her hand on her belly.

“Dad, I’m hungry,” said Gabrielle, weakly.

“Okay,” he answered. “Let me just get you something. Wait here, as I cross the road to the shop. I’ll get you a sandwich.”

Gabrielle nodded in agreement and waited patiently with her scooter as her dad made his way to the shop. Instantaneously, Gabrielle snapped out of her flashback muttering under her breath, self-refusing to remember what had happened next, opening the window and looking up to the sky for several minutes, watching the clouds go by. She talked by herself frequently and sometimes even nonsensical sentences came out of her mouth.

“Why?” she quietly said. “I don’t want to know what happened next.” She paced herself to the mirror, glaring at it as her reflection slowly transformed in an outside environment where she saw a severely dented car stationary in the middle of the road, building up traffic, along with several ambulances flashing their blue lights that hurt her eyes which led her to shutting them, opening them up afterwards just to see her reflection again.

Her mother always slurred her words, was endlessly exhausted, had reddening eyes and her makeup was constantly ruined, persistently smudged around her eyes like an emo. Gabrielle came out her room to find Enid sitting against wall staring right ahead of her but not really looking at anything. She forbade herself from looking at her own daughter which made Gabrielle extremely irritated.

“You look like a tramp,” said Gabrielle, sharply. “You’re pathetic, why don’t you clean yourself up? I’m also suffering here, but you don’t care about me.”

“It’s all about you, huh?” questioned Enid.

“No, it’s not all about me!” shouted Gabrielle. “You’re hopeless. You lost a job years ago and refuse to get another. Unemployment isn’t enough to live on.”

“I’ll do whatever I want,” said Enid.

“Oh yeah?” cried Gabrielle. “Well look what I’ve done!”

Gabrielle revealed her bare wrists to her mother’s face. Enid slowly looked down and then looked up to her daughter gazing into her eyes in an expression that made her horrified that she was going to lose her own daughter. At once, she stood up and went forward to hold her arms. She shook her head in slow motion and scolded herself under her own breath.

“I’m sorry, I should have noticed,” said Enid, regretfully. “What am I doing? You’re right, I am pathetic.”

A week passed, and Enid attended a meeting where she saw a group of strangers on chairs gathering in a circle. The strangers were ordinary beings, all adults aged 20-something to 50-something, in which half of them, male or female, looked like human versions of zombies creating a gloomy and depressing atmosphere.

“Today we have a new person,” announced the host of the meeting. “Introduce yourself.” The host looked at Enid filled with smiles, and everyone inaudibly waited for Enid to start speaking.

“My name is Enid,” she began.

“Hello Enid,” they all answered in unison in very unwelcoming, monotone voices.

Enid paused for a bit, searching around everybody and the whole room with her own eyes. This was nerve-racking for her as she was not used to speaking to people for years. She was constantly trembling not just because of her nerves but due to her unfavourable actions in the last few years. The room remained as silent as the dead as the host continued to beam at her and nodded as indication to continue her introduction.

“I’m a bad driver,” she said, spontaneously. “But this was before…my drinking problems. My terrible driving led to my drinking problems. My drinking problems are a punishment for what I did all those years ago.”

Enid proceeded to pause once more, quietly becoming tearful.

“I’m sorry I can’t do this anymore,” she cried, as she stood up and ran out of the building.

As she scurried on her way home, her vision worsened, dividing into doubles, and blurring as if she was suddenly becoming blind. Enid was physically all over the place trying to hold onto something but failing completely. Her forward movement was in an unstable, zig-zag position as she struggled to find help. Shortly after, she tripped over a rigid object and collapsed to the ground.

“Miss Faith?” a voice was heard. Gabrielle finished staring at her mother and ploddingly turned her head to the nurse who entered the room.

“She’s awake,” Gabrielle told the nurse.

“Oh,” said the nurse. “When did she wake up?”

“Just ten minutes ago,” replied Gabrielle. “I was going to press the button to alert you guys.”

“Well, I’m here now,” said the nurse, smiling.

“She doesn’t recognise me,” said Gabrielle.

“Well, I was just going to give you some results,” said the nurse, sighing. “She has a tumour in her brain, which would explain her reaction to you. She doesn’t feel safe around you because she thinks you’re a complete stranger.”

Gabrielle reacted in distress.

“Th-there’s nothing you guys can do?” she asked.

“Unfortunately, not,” answered the nurse.

“All because of her driving,” said Gabrielle. “She should have paid attention.”

The tearful Gabrielle was comforted by the nurse who then sat down with her, holding her hands in sympathy. Gabrielle sobbed loudly into the nurse’s arms and crying out “if only she paid attention!” and continued to cry. This led to the nurse to weep and grip Gabrielle even tighter as she retched harder, devastated that mother could no longer accept her because of her illness.