Serenity, Acceptance, Courage and Wisdom

Spencer and I sat at a coffee shop and had an intense discussion about people who feel like victims, God, recovery, experiences and choices.

“You just do not understand I did not have a choice.” This sentence is used and abused, and people are not willing to take responsibility for their actions. My friend Spencer and I disagree with people who think that they are victims. We both worked on our recovery and we both are many years free from victimhood.

“Enough already. I tell you that everybody has a choice.” Spencer loudly and excitedly exclaimed. “Sometimes it is not easy and does not feel beneficial to decide between two evils. There are times it might be difficult to make a decision. Other times we simply have to change our perspective. However, we decide between many things daily. We make choices every second we are awake. You are sitting with me here having a conversation and this is your choice.” I laughed and said:” I agree."

Spencer continued: "Sometimes, it may appear that we lack options. Especially as children. Children seem to have no choices, but their caregivers do. I was placed for adoption. My mother was a raging heroin addict and my father who knows who he was. I did not choose to be born to this woman, or did I?"

“Well,” I replied, “It seems like that our parents decided that. However, I believe that we are born by our own choice. We choose to be chosen and chosen to choose. Our soul holds our energy within. The soul is the main energy centers, which people call God. Then our energy gets a sudden burst of life and chooses to be raised to human form growing in a female body. It’s the energy's choice to land in the egg of a woman.”

“Love that,” Spencer replied. “But what about abused children. Do they choose to be abused, be born to miserable parents?”

I explained further what I believed: “Ok, the word choice means the act of selection. We can make decisions and choose between two possibilities. One to be born and one to stay in the God energy field.” Spencer looked at me and smiled.

Then he said looking intensely with eyes wide open starring straight at me: “Explain further. Now I am really curious”

I continued: "In recovery I learned that I have rescuing energy. I wanted to counter the world. Perhaps I wanted to play God. I decided to be born. I wanted to save the woman who gave birth to me because she suffered. My father suffered too. Both of my parents were born during the regime of a tyrant. My granny well that's another story. How she escaped the war is a miracle. I wanted to rescue all three of them. My lesson in this life is to learn to rescue myself first. I cannot give what I do not have. I cannot save the unsavable."

Spencer then leaned back on his chair took a sip of his latte and stated: “Oh wow now that you put it that way. I am lucky that I was adopted and lucky that I was born to that heroin addicted mother. The woman who adopted me could not have adopted me without my mom giving me up due to her addiction." Spencer and I both smiled at each other.

“Spencer," I continued: "I have suffered for many years and like you I have numbed myself by using substances like drugs and alcohol. I numbed my feelings and quieted my thoughts. After enduring years of hardship, I decided to take a definitive stand regardless of the possible consequences." I sighed and looked at my hands. “Once I chose to live my life sober, peacefully and without pain and without abusive people, everything changed. I live the life I always wanted now. My work as a counselor and peer support specialist is fabulous. I am writing again, and I teach Kundalini Yoga. My little puppy Doc is my love. And this my dear friend, I chose. Yes, I chose to have courage and move forward.”

Now we sat side by side, quietly, sipping coffee. We both were quiet for a long while. Onlookers at the coffee shop had moved close to us, at this point surrounding us, to take part in this enlightening conversation. One woman stated: "Yes, I am in recovery too, and I still attend meetings occasionally. I am no longer a victim, and I definitely have a choice. Oh and I chose that Higher Power all the time. "

Sitting there, deep in thought I mentally reviewed what I had learned about art, philosophy and literature. It was interesting that allegories in art and literature often display a dilemma with choices.

Art and literature often use allegories to depict characters facing choices at crossroads. A character at a crossroads faces two intersecting situations and must make a decision.

Which furthermore means that the character has a choice. Often this very character will say: “But I did not have a choice." To feel powerless, perhaps seems standard at a time of suffering. Upon review and after development of the character, it becomes clear to the reader or onlooker that the character had a choice at the crossroads. Making a decision might have been hard. Change can be uncomfortable. I shook my head slightly to wake up from deep thinking. No matter how bad the trauma was and how difficult it is we can make the decision to move forward positively or negatively. The choice is ours. The question is why we will decide to make the decision to hurt another human being if we know from experience that it is painful.

In the case of defending our own life. We need to decide, and we have options. In this case, we must be bold and courageous. The aim is to safeguard our life without harming others. A decision must be made, as the options to make a choice have been presented once again.

We consistently possess the option to at tools and stay miracle minded.

Spencer opened a book which helped both of us in our recovery and read about spirituality. Spencer said: “Just because we do not understand does not mean that it does not exist. The world is not flat but round, planes fly, electricity works, and people used to say Not possible and no choice. However, the creators of all these phenomenal inventions knew they had a choice." Spence smiled and said: "To listen to God is also a choice." So, lets choose wisely

In closing of the journey through choices: “Thinking about God begins at the mind’s rugged shore, where the murmur breaks off abruptly, where we do not know any more how to yearn how to be in awe. Only those who know how to live spiritually on edge will be able to go beyond the shore without longing for the certainties established on the artificial rock of speculations.” -Abraham Joshua Heschel-

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