Success

“Are you there God? It’s me Khaled. I am coming to you. Will you welcome me there, God? You promised me a future God. Eternal future!” said Khaled. This was the last thought after the burning hole in his head.

He was the biggest gift of the family. After long years of struggle, his father Nassif and Malika were finally manage to make their dream true. That moment Khaled smiled first time, they already forgot all the trouble they had. Here it was. “Isn’t it ridiculous?” thought Nassif. All these years, they tried to survive. War, hunger, threats, traditions… They had been fighting all these years to have a better future and to reach their dreams. Now they were there. They had survived and after starting over many times, they finally had the chance to work for dreams but instead, they had a baby that land on in the middle of their life and make them give up everything else. It was making no sense but that smiles were the trade off. It was the most amazing thing ever.

Malika was also extremely happy. She were always dreaming to be an artist but art was just an evil path in her country for years. She never gave up. Worked hard all the time. In the end, all her fight was ended up with those bright eyes. She even forgot about her dreams. Only important thing was to create a better future for cute Khaled.

Khaled was happy kid and only kid. Although his parents wanted to have another kid to make a bestie for Khaled, they couldn’t manage and finally they gave up. Khaled remained as their only treasure. Therefore, they gave all they can to Khaled to not make him struggle as they did. Luckily, their country was also finally in peace that allows to have dreams.

Until that horrible day…

Since years, it was already foreseen but everybody was keeping hope. After some time, hope was faded away and fear took its place. People were suffering of hunger, poverty, sicknesses. Country was not able to supply medicines and even food. History was repeating itself but hope made everyone blind. Everybody was thinking that nothing could go bad as before.

Nassif and Malika were far from all these situations and they were trying to give their best for Khaled in spite of limited resources and chances. Because they knew what fight means and they knew what dreams means. Khaled wouldn’t be end up like them in struggle. He would be able to dream but they saw that day that it was unfortunately not possible.

Malika ran to the kitchen with a rush and fear and told Nassif about news. It was unbelievable. Everywhere were being bombed. Government had fell already and all critical spots of the capital was already destroyed. Nassif saw another breaking news that university campus was destroyed. It was complete silence in the room. Nassif was stared at Malika blank. Malika was shaking and short of breath. Silence was interrupted by Khaled’s question. “Look dad! it is your office”. Yes, it was his office before.

After days, attacks were stopped and the damage were revealing more and more. Neither phones nor internet was working. People were completely numb. So does Nassif. Finally, he decided to go to campus because press was telling that it is bombed but there were no information about damage and loss. Perhaps, his students, co-workers were also at home and everybody was fine. Maybe, they would be also there to condemn the attack and stand strong against what happened. However, the scene was completely different. Every steps he were approaching the campus, a disgusting smell were getting stronger like his fear. After some time, he even couldn’t stand it and realized that it was a smell of death. There was nothing left from the campus just the smell of memories. He walked through the ruins. Wherever he looked at, he saw burnt body parts. Legs, arms, heads… there were no words to say, even no emotion to explain it. He wanted to scream but no voice left. He wanted to cry but no tears left. He wanted to punch walls but no power left. He was like no one but also everyone. He was as dead as others but also alive enough to suffer. Suddenly, he remembered something. Something terrible… His assistant had a class on behalf of him and it was quite popular class with high degree of attendance. This thought made Nassif even worse and he stopped breathing. He was feeling the pain in every cells as if somebody is stubbing him from every single centimetre of his body. He just hoped that they had heard the news and escaped before campus attack but the skull near the board immediately killed his hope. His assistant and probably 35 students had the eternal journey already. Life was simple there. Born-live-die. It was stupid to dream and hope.

After few minutes of silent, Khaled looked at the view again. “All these glory, cheer.. what for are they?” He thought. It had been already 20 years since that day. Khaled was 10 years old. It was the first and last time that he saw his parents so destroyed. No light on their eyes. It was the first time they were crying and wasn’t be able to smile to him. It was the first time that they said nothing about future. That day his father was completely panicked but didn’t know what to do. Few years later, his father was also gone. He was shot on the street. His mother was destroyed second time but not like the first time. She had been already adapted to situation. Khaled remembered his childhood. He wasn’t playing football like other children that he saw on internet. He wasn’t going out because his friends were dying, losing their body parts. They even had a game that guessing who will lose which part of the body. Correct guess was receiving the present. If somebody dies, they were getting together and put a gift to cemetery. If you could call it as cemetery. Like people, all toys, structure, belongings, presents were going down to soil in the end. Khaled was lucky that he could survive and fled although the cost was losing his mother. He was senseless because death was the only truth and only fair things happen in the life. It was usual. Part of the life. However, he saw later that death was not fair enough. Life was different in other places. Children were playing real games with real toys. They were not playing with dead bodies. They were knowing their families, spending time together. It was even possible to see grand parents. Khaled had never. One time, one of his friend told Khaled complained to Khaled that he cannot continue sport because of studies. “What a life!” Khaled thought. There are choice, wishes, dreams that he never had. He even didn’t know why he achieved all these, why he chose this path, why he still tries… Once his father said, born-live-die. Then why he was there.

Only 15 minutes left to his speech and Khaled was still on his thoughts. The same question. “What for?” His success was big for many people but nobody knew what it cost. Nobody had any information about his background. He was telling that his parents are living in a village. That’s all. Nobody knew that he achieved his father’s dream and got this award. His father would be proud of him because he didn’t become only scientist but also made a fame with his work, become a hope with his invention. His mother would be also happy for him because he saved lives. Besides, his new invention is named of his mom. It would be very honoring. However, all meant nothing to Khaled because nothing would take all lives back. Nothing would compensate his lonely graduation ceremonies, lonely awards. Nothing would make his friends to be aware of their luck. Therefore, Khaled had decided to honor his award to his family and his people. It would be also the first time he would name his origin country because it was the time. It was the time to make his people to dream for better life, better future, better conditions.

Finally, time has come and he started his speech:

“I will not start my speech with feeding our egos. We are not Sir, Madame, Mr, Mrs, Professor, Dr.. We are just a bunch of selfish people who lies to their-self and run after success to ignore our conscience deep down. Our suits, expensive jewelries, pretty faces, fast cars, relax offices, fame, written papers, articles, comments mean nothing.

Today, how much did we spend for this organisation? How much does it cost to make this award?

I needed only 1/1000000 of this money to go follow the classes. I needed only 1/1000000 to survive. There are millions like me but only few like us here.

I remember our forum last month. We were discussing about environment, diet and to improve facilities, to improve technology for workers, drivers, travelers… As if everybody could reach them. We were complaining about speed of our computers as if everybody has access.

Prof. James, do you remember that you told me about your dream to have a house near the sea? My house was near the sea but sea was red. We were never able to dream to enjoy the view. Sea was savage. It was smelling death. I saw blue sea first time on the way to here but I also saw people drowning people.

Yesterday, my friend was yelling at his child because she was walking on grass he cut. Dear friend, we weren’t able to play on grass because we could lose our life.

Another friend was telling about eating vegetables. Do you know? we were eating whatever we found. There were only one choice. Me or you. Do you know that I lost my mother on the way to here? Because she made this choice. She gave me all food we have to make me live and died due to insufficient nutrition.

Today, I will not accept this award. I will not smile and let you applause because we don’t know anything. We don’t appreciate what we have. We don’t have any idea about our luck here. All we do is to enjoy our condition and make comments on the world, environment and humanity. We are hypocrites who spends all life to not face the reality.

Most of you are maybe jealous or want to be in my place. I know it because I saw how you fought for years. How you tried to pull each other down, how you did everything to fail other one. Unlike you, I never wanted to achieve anything. Our luxury, life standards, elite lifestyle.. I have never wanted it. This is the secret of my success. Unlike you, I just did my job because I had one. Therefore, I dedicate my success to my parents, their colleges who were slaughtered, their lives that they couldn’t live, their dreams that never existed; to my people that have no luxury to dream; to all lost lives, to all lost future…

I should also apologize from all of you and announce that I won’t be here anymore, I am resigning from my work and all my projects. A small dream saved my life and I will go back to my people to give them a little bit hope to dream, a tiny little way to hope.

I know I cannot fight against injustice in the world but I have nothing else meaningful to do. Probably, I will die soon as a result of a bullet, bomb attack, torture, hunger or better case sickness but at least I will die with honesty and relieved conscience.

Thank you all and thank you god for not being with us!”