Breathe In, Breath Out

*Ding*

*Ding*

*Ding*

*Ding*

The sound of my phone rang like an alarm, but the one I had set for the morning had yet to go off.

Ding ding ding ding ding

The silvery chiming was incessant enough to wake me from the hibernation-like sleep I had fallen into after a bottle of red wine and hours of doomscrolling the night before.

My eyelids were leaden and sore as I worked to pry them apart. Looking out the window, the sun hadn't even started cresting the city skyline my apartment overlooked, though the sky was turning a pinkish gray.

Arms heavier than my eyes, I blindly searched for my phone, which was still panicking, hidden deep within my silky sheets and pillows. After digging for what felt like ages, head pounding, eyes threatening to burst out of my skull, I unearthed my iPhone. The backlight was brighter than the sun as I turned it over and beheld all thirty messages my assistant sent me twenty-five minutes before my alarm would've woken me up.

Just got word that they're going to go with another agency Jess!

Bolting upright, butt resting on the backs of my feet, I understood why I had so many messages. It wasn't an emergency that required one hundred updates. Saide was simply trying to wake me up. The rest of the texts were her simply sending me Jess over and over and over again until she saw the little read icon pop up. Damage control starts now.

Elenor will kill me. I practically swore my firstborn child that I had this deal in the bag. I knew that celebratory glass of whisky would spell disaster. Yet I agreed to it anyway, worried El would think I wasn't confident if I told her to wait.

"No-no-no-no-no-no," my manicured thumbs began hammering away at the digital keyboard.

On my way in now!

Thankfully, as of 8 PM last night, El was on a long flight to Europe and wouldn't be in front of her email until at least 10 PM tonight. She absolutely refuses to use the plane's Wi-Fi, claiming she needs an excuse every now and again to shut the whole world out.

On Fridays, Saide and I like to have our morning rendezvous at the cafe near our office. I flew through my morning routine, ready for the day within forty-five minutes, a new record. Usually, I walk to work once the weather is nice, but there wasn't time for that today. I hailed a sweaty taxidriver who still smelled like last night's cheap liquor and cigarettes.

"Hurry," I urged from the back seat. "I'll pay you extra if you get me there before 7:30. That gave him six minutes to get me where it would normally take him twelve.

By 7:31, he had me in front of the little restaurant. It was impressive, nonetheless, so I threw him an extra twenty.

Saide was already at our usual table, two lattes and some scones laid out neatly in front of her.

She opened her mouth to greet me, but I was already saying, "Tell me what you know."

Her voice was deceptively sweet. It reminded me of juicy pears on a warm summer day, but hell, I wouldn't even mess with Saide. Her friend is a receptionist at my target's office and heard this morning that they were going to be signing with one of our competitors. She didn't hear which one, but honestly, it's such a vicious market that it could've been anyone. This was a huge client. Saide's sing-song voice cut through the chatter as she continued, saying they liked us but just felt like we were "missing."

"Missing what?" I demanded.

Saide shrugged her dainty shoulders. "Meg didn't say. And before you ask," Because I did indeed have my mouth opened and ready to shoot the next question at her, "I did ask her to clarify. She didn't know."

A frustrated grumble rippled up from my chest. "I'm going to go down there. Meet with Matt myself." I quickly ordered a tall flat white, Matt's coffee of choice and hailed another taxi, promising to double her fare if she could get me there by 8:05.

"8:04," I crooned, "Impressive." I tossed her the compliment as I opened the door, slid out, and threw her the bills all in the same motion.

I flew through the sliding glass doors, hardly expending a moment to nod at the front desk gentleman, and was in the elevator by 8:06. My kitten-healed foot tapped on the tiled floor faster than my racing heart as the elevator crawled up each floor.

The doors finally peeled open to level 26 at 8:10, but I could've sworn at least an hour of precious time had slipped by during the glacial journey up here.

The hall from the elevator to their office's front desk was long, and my heels clicked rhythmically as I catwalked to the double glass doors that separated the two spaces.

Meg's eyes were like a cat's when she spotted me coming. She was already up and holding the door open for me to pass through.

"He's not in yet." She informed me languidly. Her tone had a slight note of excitement, as if this would surely be the best part of her day.

A bomb waiting to explode. That's what she just let walk into her office.

"Fine," I quipped back. Looking back at her as I hurried into the still-quiet office ahead, I added, "I'll be in his oof—"

I ran into something that felt like a very warm wall. The steaming latte flew from my hand, hitting the flooring with a wet thud, and traitorously rolled all the way to a corner housing a very austere-looking palm. I swear even the plant was disappointed as the brown liquid flowed across the glossy black tiles as I looked up into the face of the barrier I hit.

"Jess." He said my name like I was just the person he had been waiting to see. Smarmy. Over-inflated. Bastard.

I cut my face into my most vicious smile, "Steven." My voice sounded like poisoned butter as his name slid off my tongue.

His mouth bounced into a smirk as he inquired, "What are you doing here so early?"

Like he didn't already know.

I could play dumb, too. "Well, I thought I'd stop by this morning and thank Matty for the lovely time we had last night. We drank a lot of wine, and I didn't want him to have a bad day, so I came equipped with coffee. But it looks like that plan's shot to hell." I couldn't bring myself to look at the disaster Meg was now bent over and trying to contain, pencil skirt and stiletto heels uncooperating.

Steven gave me a mocking pouty face. "Looks like your trip here was a waste then. Matt won't be in for a few more hours. Is there a message you would like me to give him?"

I fought the urge to cross my arms over my chest and stamp my foot. Steven was the person I had to fight with most for this partnership. We've known each other since college, were in the same program, and even graduated together. Apparently, he wasn't too keen on working with me because he fought my deal tooth and nail. Even though I thought I had won Matt over last night, it seems Steven swooped in and killed it anyway.

Refusing to accept total defeat, I asked Steven if we could talk in his office. His eyebrows danced across his forehead before he flicked his head, signaling me to follow.

He sat down at his desk, but I remained standing.

"Why am I hearing that you guys are going to back out of our deal and partner with another firm?" I didn't have time to tip-toe around the subject. I wanted answers, and I wanted them now. There was no other way I would be able to fix this in time.

Steven looked me over as if pondering whether he wanted me gone or he respected me enough to offer me the truth. He rubbed his lips together as he thought, and I felt every last nerve vibrating as time inched onward.

Finally, he leaned forward and said, "Jess, I just know you. I know that you're going to sign this deal with Matt, and then you'll move on to your next conquest. Sure, it'd be a mutually beneficial partnership financially, but it wouldn't be the kind of partnership that Matt would find gratification. He's old-fashioned. And slow."

I opened my mouth to protest, but as I dug for the words, I came up empty-handed. I was anything but slow.

That made Steven laugh, not mockingly, but in a way that was understanding.

"Let me give you some advice," he started to add.

I cut in and said, "I don't want your advice."

But he continued anyway, "I used to be like you. Hell, I was faster. It was always a race between the two of us. But coming here really opened my eyes. This isn't all there is, Jess. There's a whole world out there that I was missing because I was too busy eating up as much of the competition as I possibly could as quickly as I could. Matt made me slow down and build connections. Make it count."

My mouth was turned down, the corners of my lips settled in a hard frown. Still, words refused to come to me.

I slumped down in the velvet-cushioned chair opposite his. A breath that I felt I'd been holding in since I received Saide's text this morning fully left my lungs.

Wallowing in my defeat, I finally looked around.

Steven's office had a large, gleaming oak desk, soft lighting, and overflowing bookshelves. Two floor-to-ceiling windows behind him overlooked the city below. It was similar to my apartment view and even the view from my own office. Though mine had a much more modern feel. His was beautiful. Mine was... fast. I had left no time to make it mine.

Everywhere I looked, I found pieces of Steven's life, before I knew him, while I knew him, and after.

As I left, I noticed that Matt's entire office had that same classic look to it. Cozy sitting areas, a nice little lunch nook, desks covered with pieces of their owners. Everything was almost the complete opposite of the sterile front desk I was walking through again. Like the building manager wanted to modernize everything up to where he no longer had the authority to do so.

The lobby was so clean and bright, and the front desk attendant offered me another smile on my way out. This time, I gave him more than a curt nod.

The sun wasn't shining today and it was actually pretty chilly for how I was dressed. Honestly, I looked a little ridiculous. Would it have killed me to put on a jacket?

I took my phone out of my tote bag and pulled up my messages to text Saide quick. I started typing when my thumbs froze. I tapped the button to call her instead.

"Hello?"

I blew out another heavy sigh. "I'm going to take the rest of the day off."

Silence.

"That bad, huh?"

"No." I released a breathy laugh. "No, I just decided that I'm in desperate need of a day off."

Another long pause. "Okay... I'll clear your schedule."

"Thanks," I told her and slipped the phone back into my bag.

I turned on my heels and started walking.