Unexpected

It was a calm Friday evening when our group of mid to older teens made their way together to a well-treed group campsite to enjoy the last long weekend of the summer together. The weather was looking like it was going to finally cooperate. This band of teens was filled with a mix of girls and guys from within an hour’s radius of the campground. Some had previously dated, a few had crushes over the years, and some came with a little drama that was worked out over time. The bunch of us were very excited as we all got busy setting up our individual tents and shelters, along with getting the fire going to cook supper. The next few weeks were to be a huge change for most of us. Some picked up extra hours at their jobs to balance with school to save a little extra for whatever happens after graduation next year. A few were leaving home heading to a city somewhere for trade school, college or university. For others, they were beginning their adult journey working full-time locally, while a few were going back to graduate either grade 12 or 13 the next June.

A lot of organization happened through many conversations ahead of time, with everyone taking part in the fun of fishing, canoeing, swimming, boating, kayaking, axe and knife throwing, ziplining, playing capture the flag as well as buying then bringing all the food and sharing all the clean up too. The set up usually went well because we all pitched in to help each other so that the fun could begin sooner. The chattering had begun between everyone catching up from the busy last few weeks. The fire was roaring in the large Euclid truck rim, burning up some big chunks of hardwood which was making lots of coals.  Once the coals were ready the whole gang put together their individual “Hobo Dinners” wrapped in heavy duty foil, with their names on them, they rested each on the large grill that sat on top of the rim. Now the fun could begin!!

When we were all comfortably gathered around the fire unwinding from the week, enjoying the calm breeze, the smell of the fire and simmering food all our stomachs seemed to start gurgling in hunger. Lots of jokes of various quality and laughter were shared with lifelong memories being made. We had just enough time before supper was ready to divide into six teams of three for all our planned weekend activities. Each team came up with a fun, unique name too.

Finally, supper was ready! Oh man, did it ever smell and taste so good!!

Once supper and tidying were done, some went to change into warmer clothes for the evening. The cooler evenings were evidence of the coming change of season. Others went to get their guitars, harmonicas, ukuleles and a few other portable instruments that were brought for some evening entertainment around the fire. During this interval of time, a few friends went for a walk around the campgrounds to check them out. It was the first time for a bunch of our group at this location. The evening campfires were planned to hang out with our writer friends, that could share some of their new pieces of short stories, poems, etc. or have stories of the day shared or songs played and sung. After about an hour, everyone gradually straggled back enjoying the next few hours of music, stories, laughter and memories. The fire was then allowed to burn down, and water poured on for safety as we all headed for a good night’s sleep before the next couple days of activities were to take place.

 Awhile later, after we all had gone to our tents (or so I had thought); one of the guys stopped by my tent to chat for a bit. I initially didn’t think anything of it. In fact, I had a bit of a crush on him for many reasons. We seemed to have a few of the same interests. Time slipped by, eventually finding us kissing and gently touching each other, starting out slowly and consensual, but heading towards something more euphoric like nothing I had experienced at that point before. Then not far away, I heard some others walking towards my five-man tent. I became distracted and uncomfortable at the thought of being caught or not knowing how to act or react in that situation. I also, for some reason, became scared, not knowing how to get him to stop. Although thankfully, he did stop just in time. After a few minutes of awkwardness & silence, he left my tent. For the rest of the weekend, we hardly spoke - only enough & we behaved as normally as possible so that no one else would know. I didn’t know what to say or do. After that weekend, he completely distanced himself. I began to feel dirty and used, like I had done something wrong or had turned him off.  Yet, I found myself not knowing what that may or may not have been. My emotions were all over the place, up and down, all around like a roller coaster trying to figure it all out. I didn’t sleep well that night. The rest of the weekend zipped by. With the busyness of all the activities, I slept very little the other two nights due to being so physically and emotionally exhausted.

After a year had come and gone, I had not seen him but from a distance a handful of times and hadn’t spoken more than a “hello”, if even that. I still really didn’t know how to deal with the negative after moments and how wrong they made me feel about myself. I didn’t know who to talk to or even how to begin to talk about it because that was a situation that I had never thought about or planned for ahead of time. I was one of those girls that wanted to save all of me until I got married. Although, honestly, I did initially enjoy this kind of attention ~ until it switched, and I became scared, but also grateful we didn’t end up going all the way.  I had realized that this was not the way I wanted this to happen. My eyes were opened, I was unknowingly looking for something which could have taken me where I really did not want to be.  I did not want to become one of the girls with a bad reputation of sleeping around or possibly end up with some kind of STD. It wasn’t worth the risk. This roller coaster of emotions I carried around needed to go though. It had affected me in a variety of ways.

The summer, I started dating a fellow from my hometown. I hadn’t told him about this situation before attending a party with him in another town. My boyfriend and I had seen this guy across the street, and I got unusually upset. My boyfriend asked me what was wrong.

OHHH the events to follow ~ much was so wrong and didn’t have to be that way.

I answered my boyfriend with “He raped me!”  The other fellow DID NOT do any such thing, physically anyway. I did in some minor way emotionally feel as though I had been due to how it was left undealt with. The boyfriend became angry almost immediately and pinned this guy to the hood of a car. It all blew up in my face with rumors spreading like wildfire, which affected us both. I was really embarrassed and uncomfortable! Those words coming out of my mouth were wrong. It all should have been dealt with sooner, differently and better.

This situation taught me that I internalize the negative of situations. I needed to find a safe way or person to share stuff with initially, until I had things dealt with or sorted out so that I don’t explode or act inappropriately, which could happen and in turn affect someone else in a negative way. We all know that other than in math, two wrongs(negatives) DO NOT make a right(positive)!! We are all responsible for our own actions in each situation and dealing with them in as positive and respectful ways as possible. I did have a good set of parents, but I didn’t feel comfortable sharing this with them at that time. Later in life, as a parent with the boyfriend that became my husband, we did tell our children that if they thought they couldn’t talk to us, they should  find a safe, positive adult to talk to.For the record, I did apologize to this fellow for saying such a thing about him around witnesses. I will say it was one of the hardest things I ever knew I had to and wanted to do. I felt terrible about what came out of my mouth.  He did not deserve to have that said. At the time, I knew apologizing was what I needed to do; to be responsible for my part in saying what I did. I have always been truly sorry for my words and my part. I haven’t seen him since. I don’t know if he has ever forgiven me. He may or may not have. That is completely up to him.  I may never know. I must leave it there. It took a long time to get past that initial roller coaster of emotions that I experienced. This overwhelming experience taught me a few valuable adulting lessons. I have forgiven as well