"Today Is A Gift- That's Why Its Called The Present"

“Please don’t do it, Don’t go” These were the last words said to me by Joel, my partner, my soulmate, the person I had intended to spend the rest of my life with. At least until now…I felt as I was given an ultimatum today on if I leave to follow my educational and career dreams or if I stay here to be with the love of my life. Seeing as I was already on the plane- the choice was made. We had spent the last 2 years in a beautiful but small one-bedroom condo overlooking the river- very close to Joels work- That’s actually why we moved there. The apartment was in the small city of Dartmouth, Nova Scotia, and was an hour drive from my family and friends. I made this sacrifice for him and I was angry that he was making me second guess this decision. Relationships are supposed to be about understanding and compromise- yes- but this opportunity was one I couldn’t pass up- This one decision was going to dictate the rest of my life. There was no room for procrastination. Although, I was starting to second guess my own decision when the last person boarded the plane and the main gate leading to the plane made its way shut. I hadn’t been on a plane before and to say I was nervous was an understatement. I dug to the bottom of my carry on, feeling around for a pill bottle.  It was labeled Lorazepam- and had a ‘May cause drowsiness” warning label on it. I opened the bottle and popped 2 of them under my tongue to dissolve. I was starting to have what felt like a panic attack so I was hoping they would work as the doctor had described. Within minutes, I felt more relaxed. Thank god for my family doctor and his prescription for this trip! Anyways, back to Joel- I couldn’t believe that he would wait until today- flying day- the day I was leaving to tell me that he didn’t fully support my choice to go. I was headed to a small town in Toronto enrolled as a full time student at the University of Toronto, which was about a 3 hour flight from our current hometown of Halifax, Nova Scotia. Up until today, Joel was supportive, and even showed excitement for me and this opportunity. We agreed to stay together to see how things went and we agreed that this was too good of an opportunity for me to pass up. I’d been sponsored by the college I had previously went to and had half a dozen scholarships and awards banking on this. It was a big deal! I still couldn’t help but wonder if he would have spoken up sooner, would I still be on this plane right now? Am I making the right choice? Was Joel selfish to tell me not to go? Should I be mad or sad? What if I am making the wrong choice? They say to follow your gut instinct, and everything screamed for me to take this opportunity and run. However, If I were following my heart, I would have stayed. If he was following his, he would have came too. Joel worked with a large company mainly working from home and he could have easily asked for a transfer. We had all summer to work out the details and he waited until today to tell me that he didn’t want me to go. This was really turning out to be a bittersweet day and that’s putting it lightly. This wasn’t only my first time on a plane, it was actually my first time being out of the province. Earlier that day I woke up to a lovely breakfast in bed- Toast with butter and strawberry jam, topped with cinnamon sugar, scrambled eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, sausage, and fresh fruit with whipped topping and of course a large mug of home brewed coffee, made exactly how I liked it. It was perfect- almost romantic which was unlike either of us to say the least. The temperature outside was passing 20 degrees and it was only 8:30AM in the morning-  Instead of staying in bed, we decided to eat breakfast together on the balcony of our 12TH-floor apartment building that had a beautiful view of the river and both bridges to cross from Halifax to Dartmouth. I’m going to miss this apartment, I thought to myself as we were eating. We had moved in just 2 years back, when Joel started his new position with Brightspace Advisor Company as a manager for his team. This was a huge accomplishment for him. I moved away from my family and friends to make this possible for him and I felt that relationships were supposed to be give and take- but with Joel there was way more take take take, Where was the give? Maybe it had to do with the age difference. Joel was older than me by 12 years- He had already gone to university and had that part of his journey under his belt- I was only 24 at the time and fresh out of college, when I decided to apply at University in Toronto, Ontario and surprisingly to me was accepted a few weeks later and I was shocked. This is the school where I will spend the next 4 years working towards a bachelor’s degree in counselling. We had talked about having a long-distance relationship many times- I mean we’d been together for almost 4 years now- I don’t just want to throw that away and not look back- but I needed some compromise, some understanding from Joel and I just wasn’t getting it. I’m not sure what the future has in store but I do know that on that day I decided to leave the past in the past, leave the future in the future, and live for the present day and time- as today is a gift- That’s why they call it the “present”.