It Ended

"Phone check," Sarah said.

"Okay, here," Said Jason.

"Who's this?" she asked.

"She's a new coworker who's been added to the group chat," he said.

"Why is she sending you so many smiley-face emojis?"

"It's a group chat; they're for everyone, not just me." Jason feels himself getting irritated, though he's trying not to. His cheeks are red and burning and he's trying with all of his might to keep himself from jumping up snatching his phone out of Sarah's hands. He stands up and begins to pace around the bed.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"Nothing," Jason says as he weaves his fingers together behind his head. "Just tired from work."

"Why is your browser history cleared?" Sarah asked.

"Because if you don't clear the cache once in a while, it can cause problems with logging into sites or doing other internet related tasks." Jason sighs.

"Are you sure there isn't a problem?" Sarah's beginning to get defensive. He sighs when he's losing patience.

"No, what's for dinner?" Jason changes the subject to prevent the rest of their evening from going to shit. If Sarah thinks Jason is hiding anything, she'll spend the rest of the evening using his Facebook to block other women.

"I stopped at the store and bought a rotisserie chicken. We can have that with salad."

"Sounds delicious," said Jason. Sarah sound sufficiently distracted from her annoyance. Jason wished she would stop doing this. This nightly ritual of going through his phone and interrogating him was wearing on him. He was beginning to think he'd never be able to make up for cheating on Sarah; he loves her, so he's hoping this is temporary.

Sarah sits on the couch in the dark with Jason's phone because he stays up late texting. He waits until he thinks she's asleep before he goes into the bathroom and talks on the phone with someone for half an hour. He's hiding something, and she's going to find out what it is.

She looks through his messages and phone log. The nights when he sneaks out of bed have been completely erased. She goes into his gallery. There are pictures of him here that he doesn't have on Facebook. Why does he have a picture of his d—?

Wait a minute, who's this chick? Her blood begins to boil and thunder in her ears. She's breathing heavily; she's never been this angry. There are nude pictures of another woman on his phone. If he's willing to go this far, how far has actually gone?

Sarah slumps and drops the phone, feeling defeated and dejected. How could he do this to her? After all they've been through?

Sarah can't sleep, so the next morning when Jason comes down the stairs, she's sitting upright on the couch, staring at their photos on the opposite wall with his phone in her lap.

"Did you sleep on the couch last night?" he asks.

"No, I did not sleep."

"Something wrong?"

"You tell me," she says, eerily quiet, holding his phone in the air above her head.

"Shit."

"You need to do a hell of a lot better than that, Jason!"

"There's nothing to tell; I ended it," he said, looking firm.

"You ended it? What exactly did you end? I found naked pictures of you and of some other woman on your phone! Tell me what you ended, Jason. Besides my trust for you; besides our marriage?"

Jason broke the façade. He dropped to his knees covering his face, "It only happened once," he said through his tears. "We hadn't had sex in almost a year, and—"

Sarah interrupted him, enraged, "You mean the year after my miscarriage? You are so fucking selfish, Jason."

"You were so cold, and so distant. I lost the baby, too, Sarah, and it felt like you left me."

"So, this is my fault!" she screamed. "You have no self-control, and somehow that's my fault? Do you even hear yourself?"

They had both called out of work that day, and by the end of the tumultuous conversation, they agreed to counseling. Not marriage counseling; they knew they each had their own separate issues, and Sarah didn't trust him enough to experience the raw emotions of trauma with him in the room.

After three months of this, Jason was beginning to think they needed marriage counseling in order for their marriage to survive. He didn't think her phone checks were a healthy way to deal with this, but he couldn't think of another way to earn her trust back.

Jason decided he should start volunteering his phone when he get's home from work. Maybe if Sarah doesn't have to ask, she'll see the gesture as forthcoming, so that's what he did.

"What's this?" Sarah asked.

"My phone. Don't you want to check it?"

She was annoyed. This must mean he's getting impatient with her. It's only been three months, what does he expect? "Sure," she said. She placed the phone in her pocket.

"Aren't you going to go through it?" Jason asked.

"Are you in some kind of hurry to get it back?"

"Well, no, I—"

"You probably already deleted the evidence anyway," she mumbled.

"Evidence? So, now you're just assuming there's evidence?" Jason's been faithful since he made his mistake, but he's losing faith.

"No, I'm just in a bad mood," she covered. Sarah really loves Jason, but how can someone who says they love you cause this much pain? "Leftovers for dinner tonight. Figured I'd tell you so you don't have to ask."

Jason shook his head and gathered the strength to broach the topic of marriage counseling. "Sarah, can we talk about something?"

"Sure, what do you want to talk about?"

"I think we should go to marriage counseling."

"Why? So we can listen to a professional tell us we don't belong together?" Sarah was scrolling on her own phone, not bothering to look at Jason. Jason's face drooped with the words "we don't belong together."

"That's not the point of going," he said. He walked down the hall to the living room. He sat down on the couch and stared at their photos on the opposite wall.