The last day

The cave smells like moss and earth. The water dripping into the puddle from the stalactites is almost soothing in it's rhythm. Even when life is at it's worst spelunking brings Chris peace.

This week had been hell. His boss has been nitpicking everything at his job. "Your email wasn't clear enough and looks unprofessional if it happens again then we may have to think about whether or not you belong here". This was the last thing he was told Friday afternoon before going home. Fear of loosing his job occupied his mind for the rest of the day. Well at least until he got home. Finding his apartment empty and his seeing the engagement ring he had given his fiance Jennifer laying on the table with a note asking him not to call her that she needed some time to think things through.

With everything in his life falling apart and his apartment feeling to empty he decided to find a new cave. He hadn't been in months, life gets in the way sometimes, but it was like riding a bicycle.

Chris could feel the walls getting tighter as he went deeper. The flashlight in his hand the only source of light in the deepest darkest cave he had been inside in a long time.

The cave walls didn't even have moss here almost as if even the lowest forms of life didn't want to grow here. The air felt stagnant and thick and he wondered if maybe he should have brought emergency air. The trek and the climb had made him hungry and while they may help satisfy his soul his body still wanted food. He sat on a somewhat flat rock and leaned back against the cave wall. From his pack he pulled his lunch if a small sandwich and chips and his water. As he chewed he thought back on all the mistakes he'd made. On not studying the work that he actually loved and instead playing it safe in school getting a boring but decent paying job. On letting his hobbies and passions fall away and letting his life become a repeating cycle of work sleep repeat. On not putting forth the same effort into his relationship that he had when it first started. On spending too much time escaping into his phone and work and not giving his fiance the love and attention she deserved.

Chris felt himself getting wrapped up in his misery so he quickly finished his lunch put his trash away and began debating within himself wether he should go deeper or head back. The air was so thick and no one knew he was even here. His cell phone had no service this deep so he was truly alone down here.

Deciding that he might as well push on and see how deep he can truly go here. He pushed deeper into the cave getting more and more cramped. The walls felt rough and pulled against his clothes as he tried to move past them.

The cave felt more empty then anything he had ever venture into before. The darkness only held at bay by the light in his hand.

He thought of his mother raising him alone after his father left them. She never talked about it. Never complained or bitched just did what she had to to make it work for them both.

The air had grown much ticker here and he was surprised he could still breath. He knew he should turn back but his mind drove him he had to go deeper he had to find out just how far down the rabbit hole he can go.

His mouth felt dry so he stopped to take another swig of water. It tasted bitter and gritty is his mouth but at least it washed the dust from his throat. The bottle was half full and he knew it was yet another reason he should turn back. The darkness seemed deeper here as if light couldn't was held at bay by the darkness here. The flashlight seemed weaker the beam felt narrower as nothing outside it was visible. Even shadows refused to dance on these dark walls.

Chris Flashlight showed nothing ahead of him but solid rock now. It felt like he had hit a dead end and couldn't seem to find any path forward. He moved his flashlight around seeing if there was any tunnel or gap he was missing but after failing to find any he decided he had no choice but to finally turn back. He spun around and tried to backtrack only to be met by yet another solid wall.

There was no wall here when he came this way he was sure if it. He knew he hadn't moved that far from his entry pointb.The flashlight began to swing faster and faster as his heart rate jumped. No hole, no door and no opening. How was he trapped in this room? He had just entered here there had to be a way out.

Panic and his lunch were rising in his gut as he felt the walls around him. Each wall felt smooth and solid and maybe it was his imagination but they felt like they were getting closer.

Chris sat down on the hard earth the rocks poking into his legs even through his pants the dirt feeling colder then ice against his hand. Tears fell from his eyes as for the first time since Friday evening he didn't feel like he wanted to die. He needed to get out of here. He still had a choice he could still make his life better. He could try to win back Jennifer . If that failed he could find someone else or maybe work on his self. He could go back to school and finally follow his passion. Maybe he could find a new job that he was could truly care about. He could dedicate himself to a charity or to helping others If he could shake of this darkness and find his way back to the surface he could fix everything it wasn't too late.

Chris lay in his bed the bottle of pills empty on the night and next to him. The bottle of scotch sat half empty next to it. The note written on the back of the one from Jennifer apologized to anyone that found him and told his mother that it wasn't her fault. Tears had dried on his cheeks and even his pillow while damp was drying as his heart beat slowed. Inside his mind the cave he was trapped in closed in further and further the flashlight that served as his only light died and his heart fully stopped no longer able to escape the cave that was his own mind.