Mr Toad

"Will you marry me? Says I. No she said and she never did. True to her word she was. I couldn't fault her there... the auld bitch. I'm not bitter though that's the truth."

My conversation with Tad was interrupted as he turned to answer the night's second customer."The usual is it Jimmy?" Jimmy nodded. Jimmy wouldn't say a word until he'd had at least three or four pints in him. Tad expertly plucked a pint glass from the counter beneath the bar. He raised it to the tap and filled it 3 quarters full with the ruby red porter. Then he left it on the bar to settle. Jimmy watched the storm inside the glass hungrily. The ruby blackened and the white head expanded and rose to the top of the glass like a fungus.

Tom or "Tadpole" was the barman and proprietor of The Pond like his father the Toad before him. I watched as Tad worked behind the bar. I watched the slow deliberate movement of his bulbous body and the unhealthy sheen to his sweating neckless head. I thought to myself that he'd long grown out of the tadpole stage and was more like a toad now than his father ever was. "Good man Jimmy" Tad croaked taking Jimmy's money and putting it into the till. 

 I'd been spending more and more of my time at The Pond. I'd always called in for the one on the way home from work but for the last year or so I'd been staying until closing time. I looked at my haggard reflection in the bar's mirror. The bags under the bloodshot eyes the unhealthy pallor of the skin. I drank long and thirstily from my glass. Another few drinks would improve my opinion on my reflections looks. Though Tad had a reputation for being mean spirited and miserly you couldn't fault him as a barman. Patron's preferred drinks were always remembered, pints were perfectly poured and yet it was hard not to dislike Tad. There was something repulsive about him. It wasn't just the amphibious reptilian look Tad had which couldn't be helped I suppose. There was a something in his eyes some human quality he was lacking. A greedy blackness that sized you up and measured your worth. Still the high-stool and the drink bet going home and there I sat as many the time before.

"What was I sayin?"

"Your not bitter Tad"

"No no not at all. Sure I've everything I need right here" Tad looked around the bar as he spoke as if to confirm that all he needed was indeed still within the pubs four walls. "Where was it you met her Tad?" "At the fair she was selling hens." "Is that right?" "It is yea, selling hens she was. I let on I was interested. These must be Rhode Island Reds? I says. Good layers? Says I. And that was that we took it form there."

"Good layers!? haha That was a good one Tad" "Oh it was to be sure yea. Sure didn't it nearly get me a wife in the end?" The door opened and Conor Dooley stumbled into the bar as though blown in by the icy blast of cold air that followed after him. Tad who'd been leaning on his forearms straightened himself up to take Dooley's order "The usual?" Dooley rubbed red hands together and nodded "I'll have a hot whiskey too Tad" "Good thinking" Tad said and busied himself with the kettle cursing softly as he rummaged about looking for cloves.

"She was a good looking woman too ya know" Tad continued, he'd found the cloves and was spooning brown sugar into a glass "Is that so Tad?" "Oh she was yea. Black hair that hung down past her shoulders and dark dangerous eyes" "Thanks Tad" I said gripping the glass he'd set down in front of me. Tad poured himself a whiskey whilst he was waiting for the kettle to boil. With one motion he filled the glass, raised it up and emptied it into his mouth. I watched the whiskey moisten the thin purple lips stretched across his face. His tongue, unusually long and thick and peppered in sore looking spots shot out from between his toothless gums and sponged up all the moisture that had lain there. I wondered about the strength of his would be wife's eyesight. As if he'd read my mind Tad boasted "I was a bit of a looker then too mind you "Was?" I replied and we both laughed Tad's gummy grin a crooked hole in his head. Tad handed me a faded black and white photograph that had been wedged between two whiskey bottles behind the bar. A handsome young man held the reins of of a towering Shire horse in an old fashioned cobblestones farmyard. "That's not you is it Tad?" Tad nodded giving Michael his hot whiskey and returning to the spot in front of my stool. "That's me alright. Many meals and many years have passed since" Tad laughed patting his bulging belly. Tad who didn't usually drink behind the bar poured himself another whiskey. He drank it in one and refilled his glass.

"She was half gypsy you know... On her mother's side. Think she had a bit of a witch in her" "Is that so Tad?" "It is. People would travel from all over the country to see her mother. She had the cure and could see the future too or so they said" "Is that why you didn't marry her so? Her being part gypsy?" "No, no sure it was her wouldn't marry me remember? I proposed and she told me no" Tad paused and looked thoughtful for a moment. "She'd found out I'd had a bit of an affair on her you see" With who I wondered but didn't ask out of politeness. Again Tad answered my thoughts "Some other quare one. It wasn't anything serious...only a harmless bit of fun. It was the drink made me do it" There was a silence between us as Tad answered the other two patrons orders and I drained the last of my pint quietly. Another full pint was set down in front of me and my empty glass removed. 

"Do you believe in curses Joe?" Tad asked seriously as he placed himself in front of me again. "I suppose I never really gave curses much thought one way or another Tad." Tad nodded his neckless head. The fire he'd lit earlier danced in the grate. It's heat brought out patches of perspiration beneath Tad's chins and under the arms of his shirt."When she found out about me and the other woman she cursed me. I think I thought that asking her to marry me would show I was sorry and that I was serious about us but it didn't work" "What was the curse Tad?" "I thought you didn't give curses much thought Joe?" Tad croaked smiling that toothless unpleasant smile he had. "Out of interest like" "I told you she was half gypsy didn't I? Well she told me Tadpole was a name that suited me. Said that I was growing into a toad and yet more and more like a a toad I'd become. Into a slimy greedy creature I'd grow. A creature who could swallow up the world and still not satisfy itself. No man or beast would I ever again befriend and my only companions I'd have to beguile through tricks and deceit.

I didn't know what to say to Tad's speech and there was silence for a moment, silence except for the fire crackling away. Tad was rubbing his under chin thoughtfully with a liver spotted hand. His fingers were more like toes stubby and short. I looked at the fingers and noticed a thin layer of webbed skin between each of his digits. Finally I said "Didn't you get yourself blessed or something? You know to counter the curse?" "No I wouldn't have much time for priests now. I did hope I'd get help some way or another. I had a peculiar dream in here one night though. The fire was lit, the heat, I must have fallen asleep. I dreamed I was closing up and in walked a man tall and proud looking, pale with cold dark eyes. Tom he called me though we'd never met. We're closed says I, not liking the look of him or his English accent. The man mustn't have heard or didn't care for my answer if he did. Do you believe in curses? He asked. Well that was an odd thing to say especially considering what had happened between my wife to be and I not so long before. "No" I answered though I wasn't sure I believed meself. The stranger smiled a cold sarcastic smile. "Who are you?" I managed to ask though I was afraid. "You don't recognize me but you know who I am none the less. All of Christendom knows my name. I am a collector. A collector of souls. Spend the rest of your life in my service and I will slow down the power of the curse. Bring me the souls of men. Their essence their happiness and worth. Do this for me or suffer. 

"Well I don't remember what I told him but I do remember him skipping out of the pub in his peculiar hoof shaped boots. Just a dream" Tad said softly his black eyes glazed with the drink "Aye" I said. Tad went to pull pints for Jimmy and Dooley. I watched the two bar flies stuck on their stools like insects lured by the scent of something sweet. Conor had his hands in front of him and rubbed them together thoughtlessly. Both their faces were silent,void of expression and life . "No no these are on me" Tad told the two men who had reached robotic-ally into their pockets for money. Tad saw me watching them. He winked at me conspiratorially and smiled. "Would you like another yourself?" I hesitated for a moment and thought of Tad's story. Part of me wanted to go but it was as if my arse was wedged firmly in it's place. It was just a story after all but even so I thought that maybe I would leave. Of course I'd have to have the one more before I did "Ah go on so Tad. Just the one mind you. Then I'm away". Tad nodded knowingly his purple lips painting the ugly smile on his face again. "Right you are Joe" he chuckled "Right you are."